[amazing]
watch a child play
be amazed-----
revel in not having
one damn thing to say
to anybody-----
dwell on a fading,
lingering taste;
make the effort to not
look away-----
sit with fingers interlaced
striving hard for
inner peace-----
with little effort, another day
to stand before you
& be amazed.

[IIANTA PEI]
all things flow
as everything should know
once we pass
the open door
cerebral hemmorage
evermore
koo koo like the raven
except
youre only a pigeon
doing the dance of
slight impersonation
wallowing mistfully in
un-appreciation
i am the savior
only i couldnt save
her
or myself
but what is self?
this impersonal hell?
all things flow
i think therefor i know
what has come will always
go
better off
fo' sho'


is love a sonnet to be learned
& forgotten?
the helping hand
the striking fist
an evil look
sweetness, kiss
maybe love is a luxury
reserved for certain
somebody's
love either is
or isnt
isnt it?
love is the most personal of freedoms
only its not garunteed
...set out on a voyage of
discovery
only to discover
why i left it in the first place.
im still hung up on the dream
persistant need (or the lack
there of)
casual-fling
no, no, NO
one true love
what funny things it can do.
all things must flow
only you & i can know
who i want to injure my pride
who i want to be inside
and inside of me
(lil devil of wants and needs
keeps
bothering me)
no substitutes to pleasure
see me now like all those
others
death of a perfect pair of
lost lovers

i am suffering
a crisis of the heart
& a
crisis of the mind
.
how can i keep moving on
when i've left all i want
behind?
i do things for these
other people
(& occasionally some for me)
but always (ALWAYS!) all i do is
evil
;
i never do the right thing...
but im glad you are happy
i always said you were better off without me
that someday you'd no longer
need
me.
the starlight weeps the night on down
i am suffering.

[manufacturers warning II]
left behind as we scribbled in our
ashes,
dust.
in the whole-y un-holy
-est
of names:
self-sacrifice.
hallowed be thy name.
with angel tongue
to touch the sun.
the clock is ticking (&
i am stalling----)
pretend that i am laughing
but im sobbing.
i wish i was holding you tight
i wish i could turn back time
(unfortunate Cher reference there)
i wish that i could make everything
all right.
(but im not that great
now am i?)
just one more night, just one last
dance
to feel your heat
intertwined;
holding hands.
by all these stars of wasted
beauty
you taste like love to me
i feel all parapalegically/-like
i feel good in your eyes
i truly did (& do)
i wish i had the words for you
to explain
in
plain damn english
the enormity behind
when i
say
"i love you".
thrice we spoke of just
'being friends'
but last time we both said 'yes'
still went on as if
nothing'd changed
i felt you running back to me
i am weak, i know
& you have (always) been there for me
(& i got good at thinking selfishly)
i am so grateful
thankful
full of so much...
i was so full of secrets (as ive
always been)
but you too, i guess.
i can preach about all my errors
all night
but we chose and do what we think is
right
right?
like the line: 'whats best for me'
i tried it but it felt shitty
whats best for YOU
IS
whats best for me
i love you to death
with flowers
forever!!
bright stars die when too close
together
if i could kiss you now...
would that make it all better?
live on happily in
forever
ive known you were strong
(remember?)
so,
please,
write me letters of joy, not of
longing
laugh, please, so hard that it shakes
your whole
body
----SMILE! &
mean it.
dig deep and remember me then
BE
& be happy.
wonderfully happy, a bright joyous star
(like you always are)

keep my words, my love
always close around you
its my heart inked in verbs
& nouns
my heart for you,
absolute
truth.

xo baby