referandum 'b'
im working hard on this problem,
dear. and im menatlly digesting
all of it. or, maybe im just plain
mental. but,
repeatedly you've spoken
about this glorious, long-lost
past.
just after we had first met and
for a while after that.
but i keep dodging some point
that thing that you speak of
so i thought that i might
just
try telling you why
i dont want to go backwards like
a drunken parade
this time that you talk so
enamorously about
at great lengths
while the words spin me round
disorienting me.
was when i had to
each morning
tell myself in the mirror
"dont get too attached"
due to all of the crap surrounding you
a rival lover
a troubled soul
a spotted past
-all of the 'crap'
this picture-perfect honeymoon-scene
you describe to me
when rattled out of MY memory
is when my heart was just mine
& nobody else's
you kept saying
"its okay. its love."& "just trust it."
and i was drowned in the waves of
a strongly felt passion
i was so goddamn afraid
---no, no; i was
terrified!
but you said
"its alright its alright its all right"
babe
and i
i believed in your freckled eyes
i gave myself fully
to
trust-love-believing.
okay so that thread was cut
by you
i am very aware of the
silly things people do.
but i cant carry on till this thread has been
mended.
and my trust is renewed
in you.
and my feeling have been tended
to.
im trying hard to hold on
way beyond
what most people say i should do
too!
help me
baby
PLEASE!!!
trust in me like i trust in you
trust in me
and from this baggage we'll be
free.

...shimmering light thru this darkness
by chance---
caught on a dew drop & cascaded down
like every one that still clings
to the rose in my hand...

[//:xmit v.2]
eyes of a seraphim
-shes a devil that one!
the path she leads me down
ive been down before
but, oh, that cherubic-baby-face!
-shes a devil that one!
she loves; gives me poison
she poisons my son
Arch-Angel---HEAVENLY BODY!!!
shes some kind of devil, that one!
if she knocked my front teeth in
it might make me cum!

[titans]
who is truth? where's honesty?
neither will run for the Presidency
fancy dressed marionettes
what we get instead
'how does this matter?'
cried, aloud, the Mad-Hatter
truth hides in shame because honesty got splattered
where has all the good deeds gone, un-rewarded
got stuck in a bi-partisan committee & thwarted
fools that sway almost any way
'think what i mean, not what i say!'
they even shot integrity
cant have that in the Presidency

[sometimes i get to be too much]
im sorry---so sorry, dear
i sometimes feel let down and i
succumb to this, The Fear
i kick and scream and curse and fight
atleast for the better part of the
first part of the night
meanwhile, later, it all seems so clear

yes, im trying to control these
wild outbursts of feelings of mine
with all these pills, all this whiskey
all this wine