17 May 2002

fix your own freeway

ever confused about which freeway to get on? troubled with those sneaky left-lane turn-offs? well, now you can just fix it yourself. with this easy step-by-step video, you'll learn how to find matching colors to freeway signs, put up your own freeway sign, and get away with it scott free! order today!
time stamp

i'll ask for a second to gather my thoughts up. they were spilled on the counter and im afraid when i got up. they fell through a letter to this girl that i know. and she reads them quite slowly devouring the up words. with one hand beside her and the other much lower. she's waiting for something she wants to discover. i will not desert her, i will not desert her.

so i take all these pills to try and balance my brain. but im even a little more than afraid. that ive gone off the deep end and i cannot swim back. it'd just be so terrible that i'd have to laugh... another drop in the bucket, it scares me to death. im not much better than most or the rest. she has built up this shrine in an image of me... full of things i cannot see...

i might swim to an island where i'll be alone. no more discussing these things with anyone. because i can't explain how or why that i am. im too old to be changed, im nearly a man. she begs for forgiveness and i duly oblige. and this circle gets repeated when she asks me why. why does the dew smell so good on a field? if maybe it didn't would it make it less real? or maybe its nothing more than a dream. would knowing that make it better or worse than it seems. i'd fall to floor and simply stop moving. and see if anyone asks what im doing. and if they didn't and the world would go on and not notice. the death of this idiot, madman, and poet. i think it'd been fun to go to my funeral. and make farting sound or something as juvenile. what i want when i die, yeah my last request. is to replace my head with an old TV set. so all in attendance just might have some fun. watching old I love Lucy reruns.

16 May 2002

cool aid

im going to joshua tree this weekend with my dad...he does this every year...him and his buddy's from high school go out there and re-enact scene's from The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test...wicked real...

15 May 2002

the pink dot
Ozzy Osbourne's teenaged daughter has made a cover of Papa Don't Preach, Madonna's 1986 hit, with member's of incubus...does this sound stupid to anybody else? but, kelly says SHE didn't pick the song...mommy did. mom's a great manager...she's even setting up franchise's...

14 May 2002

how to give your own frontal lobotomy
you will need:
* a corkscrew
* a mirror
* a turkey baster
* a towel or moist towelette
* a sharpie(r) marker
* a map of the human brain
* a band-aid

1)using the map and mirror, locate the general area of your own fronatl lobe. mark on skull with sharpie(r).
2)take the corkscrew, and screw into marked area. use towel or towelette to sop up blood.
3)after penetration into the frontal cavity, remove corkscrew and insert turkey baster. remove frontal lobe.
BE CAREFULL AND REMOVE ONLY THE FRONTAL LOBE
4)remove the baster and apply band-aid.
5)enjoy life as a vegtable. never again be bothered to get up before using the restroom. my advice, use money from 401K to but stock in Depends(r)
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