[exile]
no one really cares about you
you sad, pathetic little man
you
said what was in your heart
while they took you all apart
broken is how they love you
a beaten man is what they need
your love's a cheap commodity
this town is full of boi's like you
now your just looking for someone
to treat you like you do
so how about a nice fat line?
a nice OD, pushed to ICU
until your DOA in the
OC
lol
muthafuckas

[?!?]
what can i say that i havent said
1000 times before
you do what you want or feel or
whatever
i can applaud you at that
its all well and good
unless
it directly contradicts what
atleast i thought
was understood.

so what am i supposed to think
or do?
its always been not up to me
but YOU!


...


fine!
fuck it! i give in!
im sick of feeling all this pain!
im going back to being numb again.
im just not going to give a fuck!
about
anyone
or anything.
like i used to be...
or i tried atleast...
but thats good enough for me.

[take these soft hands]
daylight-creeping ugly as i drive without my head
i dont know what i could be thinking
i guess i must not have been
tomorrow's always peaking pretty around another midnight
binge...
sitting here in damn-near-coma space
with my artificial wind blowing my superficial face
im hungry for an animal;
a wild beast beyond control
plays with me
wont let me go
but intoxicated i guess works best
beyond the four-walls of this
my head
with purer thoughts & uncut sin
can once again
take command, offering veiled redemtion
valid in the eyes of they who know the why...
there is that thing that i feel i must follow
the guiding lines & pills i swallow
my faith is faith that here's always tomorrow
another goddamn glorious day.

[word called wise]
a brief flash of light
starts the fire inside
the hurt may be pure
but there's sin in those eyes
just laugh at the notion
of some grand design
HA!
dont feed on all that bullshit
it fucks you up inside.

[o]
oh- but its a wicked world
on which we feed
the mounting, horrid atrocities
& dirty deeds;
on the TV...
for the love of god!
...what a silly thing!

[retro-genesis]
so you know how
on a dry, briskly cold day
like late in the day
the suns warmth bouncing back off the snow
then slowly a cloud passes
eclipsing the sun
dark as night
and the cold hits back five times
harder
and you look up to that
maker of the day
that companion of comfort
shielded by some bothersome cloud
an annoyance
that still sucks.
but what if that cloud stays all day?
what if it lingers too late and
that cloud steals all that warmth
so that the day slips away and
when the sun brings back light
with its heat, life
it shines on the cold, frozen carcass of a teenage smoker who's parents were convinced he just went on 'nature walks' and bought him a book on the subject.
a facinating book, really.

or something...

[the bottom-est line-ish]
why did you go on that trip to the desert?
you say you didnt know him,
thats why you said you left him.
so what possessed you to go out there
with him?
you knew what you were doing
didnt you?
you took to that bottle pretty well
for your "first time".
then suddenly your naked
pulling him down on top of you.
you dont want to go away untouched
do you?
you offer your secret
he had to say no.
dont you see???
he couldnt let you disrespect such a thing.
no,
you cant
when you love that very thing.