07 April 2004

too much of a good thang'
i could have an evil, but i kept up the streak;walking past people, only seeing their feet; never seen a face, i dont even see me; stab at an arm with a tongue in your cheek...
pompous... fascist... freak

bad ideas...a dirty arm...ask how'd we end up like this...wasnt doing no harm...


**neil...email me C L I C K H E R E to be Dean Moriarty

04 April 2004

Greetings Virgo
Here is your horoscope for the week of April 5 through April 11

Mercury turns direct on Tuesday, and this may hold things up for some weeks to come. You love to be organized, but may have to be content to go with the flow and get used to unusual happenings that will bring you interesting results. The power of synchronicity could be very noticeable. But it won't be a good idea to buy or sign anything of major importance. It's better to wait until Mercury is back on track once again. You can finish off your unfinished business though, with real success.

29 March 2004

cant be held accountable

flying high on an airplane again
cigarette shakes in my hand
i cant believe what They said...
told that damn lie again
told us a lie and it true
so played out for you
tear at the wires all the time
but it just keeps coming out...

can i drift with you tonite
on these could-be-clouds around me
would you tell her that i said its alright
alright...
alright now,
-

spent all last night
in the terminal-lounge
just me and this guy on a pill that he found
playing for the empty halls
playing just to make some noise
playing cause theres nothing else to do...

if i cant be held accountable
id like to drift tonite
on these would-be-could-be clouds around me
she says that its alright
alright...
all right.
nifty
>Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe and the biran fguiers it out aynawy. . WOW!
Greetings Virgo
Here is your horoscope for the week of March 29 through April 4

Your thoughts are on the deep emotional bonds you share, as well as your joint finances. But right now there is nothing too worrying to have to contend with. You might have to take care on Thursday, when the Sun sextiles Neptune, as you will be more out of touch with reality than usual. Don't make any snap decisions regarding your job, without checking in on others and their ideas first. Mercury moves into Taurus, which is for business trips, and for getting your point across in novel situations.

28 March 2004

a question to me friendster
couldnt i love you just the way you are...? so many years now i'd look forward to getting to know you all over again...if offered a chance---will she give me that second glance?...sounded offended when you returned my last call...you know how i hate valentine's...and yes i still get so drunk i pass out in the street, or on a front porch...would you mind if it was yours?...it takes a little longer, my body is a little stronger...i may be a lush but im certainly not a whore---atleast not anymore...could i be that guy that could bring back that sparkle to you eye...im so afraid of failing that my attempts at contact seem vague and misleading...im like a baby, teething---ive got this pain inside...a great big whole, bright sun burning from my life...this life i no longer loathe...like when its your child you hold... i could be that man for whom you scan the crowded room for...i could be the one that leaves you always thirsting for more...i could be... everything

god@onemanout.com on friendster

25 March 2004

my baby is my devil
tossed out, dimembered
a thought to remember
swollen from apetite
too empty to be bright
lodged my complaint
sinister saint
its cold and im tired
and i just dont know

explain way the rain
there's sunshine in spain
in cataluyna, far from roma
we can be...
...just be...

my angel's a devil
she carries me home
im too drunk to level
i wanna be stoned
with green eyes like absinthe
she talks slowly for me
i cant understand
i cant hardly speak

carry me away
to the sunshine of spain
with picasso blue, oh, and baby too
we can be...
...just be...

22 March 2004

kewl shit

OUR UNIVERSE
a letter to the editor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a sour drift, a sour pen;
loose lips, looser then;
count once, count to ten;
and all these visions start again;

somebody hold me, somebody nail me to the floor;
got something to show me? got nothing but ive had it all before;

sad life at 21;
start now, live for fun;
take care, and take notes;
this life you have it is no joke;

somebody help me, somebody help me help some more;
got nothing to show for it? got nothing but ive had it all before...

too many dishes piled up
to make my favorite dinner
too many people all tied up
how could i become a winner...

too many secrets left untold
where's the ear to listen?
two bottles on the floor
couldnt help the distance...
i know...

so...

peaked out at 23
look right, then look at me;
top this, be better than i am
i am...

nobody saved me?, nobody's kissed me like that before;
dont care if i show it, got nothing that ive ever had before.

Greetings Virgo
Here is your horoscope for the week of March 22 through March 28

The Sun and Mercury are encouraging you to talk about your experiences, needs, and desires. What are your financial goals for the year ahead? If you haven't thought about any of this, then perhaps it is time to. You also need to think about where your relationship is going, as it has been changing a lot recently. Mars squares Uranus over the weekend, creating a rather reckless influence, so again don't do anything rash, especially where your career is concerned. Take a deep breath and stay calm.

15 March 2004

"Society produces rogues, education makes one rogue cleverer than another"
~Oscar Wilde~
i told you, so...
he is thinking at this moment
as she buys another round
he hopes so has it coming
she is telling him goodbye
now hes drinking for a reason
and she knows the reason why...

so why'd you have to fuck him
if you couldnt make it home
so easy love forgotten
couldnt mean much after all

they laughed because its funny
he laughed for something to do
they mention it from time to time
he has another beer...

they didnt mind her showing
she didnt see them there
they took pictures i have seen 'em
she is laying on the table
the felt matches with her hair...

so is it re-occuring?
if so then nothing's there
but how could he forgive her
if shes couldnt care at all

08 March 2004

~your words of love have changed~
under the moon-light; desert sand
under my shoe size; sizing up the Man
under a locked-key; broken my hand
undstand--under me--under you...

under the door-step; carved and ive bled
understood about half of what she said
underthings: laying under the bed
understand--under me--under you...

...tell me once more about it...
...tell me things that you do...
...tell my mother ive had sex...
...tell them all it was you...

under the blankets; still turning blue
under estimated by most of of you
underlings; savage see thru
understand--under me--under you...
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The executive branch of the federal government has apparently enabled a lethal surprise attack with mass murder against two of the founding thirteen colonies, New York and Virginia. By such an act, the federal government would grossly violate and void its contract with the states, and abrogate its own constitutional rights and privileges. Even if you do not accept the complicity argument, it has failed to protect its largest city from the consequences of its overweening foreign policies.

Like a loose handgun, our Federal government has backfired on its owners, the States. The executive has gone to war in defiance of the Constitution, and Congress has abdicated its war-making authority on at least 200 occasions since 1945, according to the Federation of American Scientists. The federal government has proven utterly incapable and unwilling to remedy its chronic and world-threatening sickness "

It seems apropos to conclude: "if you are part of the problem, then you are not part of the solution." The solution then lies with the people themselves and not with any US government agency, least of all the Executive Branch."
---Nafeez Mosaddeq Ahmed, Executive Director of the Institute for Policy Research & Development, Brighton, England

07 March 2004

Greetings Virgo
Here is your horoscope for the week of March 8 through March 14

Take extra care on Monday when Mercury, your ruling planet, makes a challenging aspect to Pluto. You might get much more than you bargained for, if you accidentally step on anyone's toes. There is the chance that your partner could let loose some deep-seated feelings that they've been bottling up. Take extra care, as even the slightest remark could have a devastating effect. Venus aspects Uranus on Tuesday, so if you get sent packing, you may find solace in a new friendship.

05 March 2004

hold the phone

take a message; im all out of temptation; i put this off for way too long; cant feel my fingers; they told me im bleeding; somewhere down by the river; say that you see me; but your not even breathing; when can i wake from this nightmare im living...

the hole; swollen masses; they come without asking; the winter is passed and im not sure what im doing here...

fake for the foolish; elitist, stop drooling; im lost somewhere off in a song; a slight whisper tingling; the horror--that feeling; im down my the river tonite; say what your thinking; think you can break me; but im bright eyed and living a lie...

04 March 2004

barely listening
shake your head
pretend you didnt see
the telephone ringing
and caller ID telling you its me...

wait...no...

im so much better in the un-typical way
i still bring you flowers; you still make my day
so whats the bother, where have i gone wrong
another bleeding heart of a romance already gone...

so what if i screwed it up; so what if my bowels bleed on a daily basis; so much blood and gore; aching heart an open sore; festering wounds that cannot get healed; everyday another layer gets peeled; backwards and forwards; surprising the lot of us; nothing but cowards and im locked in the trunk...

bob#1

Kucinich Supporter
Joined: 24 Feb 2004
Posts: 4 Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 1:38 am Post subject: House of the Falling Son

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...i hear over and over how Baby Bush did 'such a great job' in the wake of 9/11...HE HID ON A [edited out] AIRPLANE AND DIDNT COME DOWN FOR 3 DAYS!!!!!!...while the rest of us looked to the sky to see if there were anymore planes barrelling down at us, he was LAUGHNG HIS [edited out] [hand] OFF in airforce one...shit, i wouldnt be surprised if he was on it PRIOR to the first strike!!!...

...i get lost in my own anger on this subject, so if i start rambling...sorry!

...point1) i know for a fact that the US government can read the license plate number off a speeding vehicle in real-time if it wants...HOW CAN SOMETHING AS BIG AS THE PLANS FOR ATTACKING THE US SLIP UNDER THE COLLECTIVE RADAR OF THE US GOVERNMENT???? ...we know also that {and this is applicable due to the media's own comparison of the 2 events} the plans for PEARL HARBOR were known WEEKS in advance, but FDR---knowing that his New Deal had failed and desperate to get America into WWII--- SAID NOTHING...not only had we already broken the Japanese codes but they sent an OFFICIAL ENVOY to the president demanding a cease to our embargo---an accepted Act of War according to the League of Nations...but what does that matter, we didnt join it, right?
...point2) Baby Bush WAS NEVER LEGALLY ELECTED!!! he lost, by last count, by some 6k votes DESPITE his brother expelling some 200k african-americans and old jewish women---ALL REGISTERED DEMOCRATS--- from the voter roll's

...



...the "PATRIOT" ACT took away 15% of the everyday american's civil liberties...WE ARE NO LONGER THE LAND OF THE FREE...we have succombed to our own stupidity...the government was allowed to effectively stereotype, disregard sanctity of person and property, eavesdrop....SPY ON ITS OWN POPULATION!!!!...we can no longer retaliate, protest, or argue against the government...the 3 things our founding fathers tried desperately to preserve for us...the right to bare arms was garunteed us so that we may raise up and put the federal government in its place if need be...we were told, no...ENCOURAGED to stage a coup de tat if we felt that the government was getting out of hand...and it has!...oh, i know the rhetoric about 'its better than anywhere else'...but so what...does that mean we should simply LET it go on out of hand...if a child steals, do you say "atleast he's not killing anyone today" and let him go on? ...besides, thanks to the PATRIOT Act...ITS NO BETTER THAN ANYWHERE ELSE!!!!! not anymore! we, the people of the united states of america are sworn to defend the constitution by all those pledges of alligence's we took in grade school...we are summoned by the founding fathers, by the blood shed by countless millions in defense of said constitution to do the same, only this time we must fight the government itself...we must slay the creature the federal government has become...for our fathers...for our childeren...



Eb
_________________
"society produces rogues; its education which make one rogue more clever than another...!" ~oscar wilde~

Back to top

03 February 2004

:city by the bay:
...wouldnt you just figure...ive been talking and talking about moving to sf and just before i do...{drum roll}...i meet and get attracted/attatched to a grrrl that makes me want to re-consider my a-sexual ways... ...but thats the best part, we dont have to fret over the day-to-day boring "boy-grrrl" stuff...we just have a blast...its actually more akin to a playground friendship, forged in mud and fed by scraped knees and howling screams for mommy... ...so what do i do??? i give her the bird! \i|ii aye carumba! im fruggin' 're-tah-ded'!


admend.1: the saddest looking man on Lincoln with a cardboard sign that read simply, "Help" is the proud receiptent of a turkey burger, fries, and soda fromthis great deli on irving...way to go guy!

13 January 2004

{a bold statement}

...its not always darkest just before dawn...have no idea where i am...i feel them out there in the dark...waiting to turn me into another media-feeding-frenzy-happy-meal to go...would you like to super size that for just 59 cents?!...there is always the edge i feel too, off to the left somewhere...dont know where it goes or to whom; but it may be my best choice soon...and all i need is a fucking hand/out in the cold...that little effort willingly put forward...step to the left...the edge is right there...and they're getting closer and closer...

...to be continued?

16 October 2003

a shared IM
in the solace of a corporate wash-room; behind the locked doors of the last stall...probably the kewlest person i know gave this brief description of me {it would be conceeded of me to try to speak highly of myself in a bragging way and im told that i never do justice to myself}

"how would you describe me to someone {be nice, but honest} in a well rounded "summed up" kinda way?
GRRRL: hmmm independant eccentric deep..."
ME: "'wild rivers'-deep or marinara-trench?"
GRRRL: "red sea" GRRRL: "murky and mysterious"
ME: "i could be parted by a prophet :p ...to sum up?"
GRRRL: "persistant being, LIFE...LOVE....REGRET....to some complete chaos, others the chaos which makes him complete"

and all i could come up with was to call her my little bumble bee and quote a burnt-out hippie {sorry doc}...no matter what you attached the title to, you'll always be my lil chicken-of-habit...my habit

28 August 2003

a private moment...broadcasted over the internet

a look at the sky and the warrior's in bloom
think to myself {still think of you}
couldnt we have shared this
couldnt you proved me wrong
made this something special
instead of being gone
a small bite that soon gone
a little tingling in my arm
the host is an itch
the substence is calm
my love is a bitch
my reaction bar none

and where in this passion flower
is the mighty love turned so sour
she sleeps without an after thought
no hiccup or burp
and yeah i still think that i am god
you never learn

so thank you to the painter of the sunrise
and the sunset and the sky
those hills touched with magic
the creek is beauty defined
all this i assume is for me
this world is mine

...tell you what...given some fair amount of time, all things become illogical...we either suppress this unadulterated truth in our sick demented personal concept of reality...or we never achieve the level of comprehension of an actual mature adult of the human gens...

14 August 2003

...quick question:
anyone know exactly how many hours being awake straight-thru before one is clinically insane and can no longer be held accountable for ones own actions?
{like you joggers who run around, and round...}

there's this point i seek and its just out of reach
like the horizon it moves further away
but something tells me im somehow closer
that the end may be near
but The End, that final curtain call
no vision makes it clear
that may be the only end at all

13 August 2003

{"mind warp..." "-infinity!"}
...as if in some vain attempt to erase the sky
threads of stratus clouds stretch towards the east
and the low mumbling wind starts a conversation with the trees
the sun retraces the stumbling-drunk footsteps of the moon
letting all who care to know or vaguely wonder
in matters of light and good manners
it is god and exerts its rule...
but for all its burning fierce vain--glory
it has not a strand of light thats conscience
does not know, cannot feel
does what it does and thats all that there is
...but the moon has its moods
and gets drunk all the time
with the faint glow of Big Brother bounced off in reflection
that wild, cantankerous moon, once drunk, will rebel against your standards
and hanging low in the late-day sky, smile in quite bemusement...as he has today...
and the great owl who hears his laughter
awakens too early from his own deep slumber
howling disapproval for the misleading humour and goes back under
that sleep which is desperately attempting to annex the world
...and late it the summer those clouds disappear
over horizons that never grow near...
on its bank sits the old man we know of as Time
...just as immortal/immoral as fate is blind...
that bitch of a wife of his who talks in her sleep...
hes running away but she stallks him like me
i just want to talk with him, ask what It means...

...are we some experiment in an 8th grade science fair 3rd prize?
or are they true, all those creationist theories?
god, or is it George?, did it all with a purpose in mind
if he didnt want me to question it than he shouldnt've put one in mine
this instant we concieve of as all that the is
this world in even our universe not much more than a blip
could be nothing more than a fart of some other exsistence
always get stuck in this line of thinking
on what defies my reasoning
that damnable but wonderful thing
we given the name of infinity

...but so what?
would understanding be gotten from seeing it there
if knowing doesnt bring reason; and who fuckin' cares!?
look with those portals to the world that you know
even if its just in yer head or a late-night cable-access show
its here and its beautiful and you must somehow try to live in it
worry about the other things if you survive yer own death...

12 August 2003

{quote for the week}

If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that ... I believe in what I do, and Ill say it.
Author: John Lennon
never thought much of zambize

claw away at these straps of leather
sneak out to the night
never a thought or care for the weather
how you live is your right

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dont need it now but now more than ever
for having a thing makes not needing it better

~~~~~~~~

demanding to know the forecast from a very stubborn wall
all told/ its not better/ said we'd be better off
taste murder in the back of my throat
for this need to love a girl
there's some hidden scar like a vegas marquee
1 time only and history, try to be original-try sticking around

10 July 2003

Security

security...what does this word mean in relation to life as we know it today? for the most part, it means safety and freedom from worry. it is said to be the end that all men strive for; but is security a utopian goal or is it another word for 'rut?
let us visualize the secure man; and by this term, i mean a man who has settled for finacial and personal security for his goal in life. in general, he is a man who has pushed ambition and initiative aside and settled down, so to speak, in a boring, but safe and comfortable rut for the rest of his life. his future is but an extension of his present, and he accepts it as such with a complacent shrug of his shoulders. his ideas and ideals are those of society in general and he is accepted as a 'respectable', but average and prosaic man. but is he a man? has he any self-respect or pride in himself? how could he when he risked nothing and gained nothing? what does he think when he sees his youthful dreams of adventure, accomplishment, travel, and romance buried under the cloak of conformity? how does he feel when he realizes that he has barely tasted the meal of life; when he sees the prison he has made for himself in pursuit of the almighty dollar? if he thinks this is all well and good, but think of the tragedy of a man who has sacrificed his freedom on the alter of security, and wishes he could turn back the hands of time. a man is to be pitied who lacked the courage to accept the challenge of freedom and depart from the cushion of 'security' and see life as it is instead of living it second-hand. life has by-passed this man and he has watched from a secure place, afraid to seek anything better. what has he done except to sit and wait for the tomorrow which never comes?
turn back the pages of history and see the men who have shaped the destiny of the world. security was never theirs, but thye lived rather than 'exsisted'. where would the world be if all men sought security and had not taken risks or gambled with thier lives on the chance that, if they won, life would be different and richer? it is from the bystanders (who are in the vast majority) that we recieve the propaganda that life is not worth living, that life is a drudgery, that the ambitions of youth must be laid aside from a life which is but a painful wait for death. these are the ones who squeeze what excitement they can from a life out of imaginations and experiences of others through books and movies. these are the insignificant and forgotten men who preach conformity because it is all they know. these are the men who dream at night of what could have been, but wake at dawn to take their places in the now-familiar rut and to merely exsist through another day. for them, the romance of life is long dead and they are forced to go through the years on a tread-mill, cursing their exsistance, yet afraid to die because of the unknown which faces them after death. they lacked the only true courage: the kind which enables men to face the unknown regardless of the consequences.
as an after thought, it seems hardly proper to write of life without once mentioning happiness; so we shall let you, the reader, answer this question for your himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed "secure"-ly on shore and merely 'exsisted'?
-Hunter S. Thompson

01 July 2003

...generated de-generate...
im at a loss and close to the edge
dirty the memory dont dirty the bed
feel i dont want to too soon to say
removed from the darkness removal of me
cognative lately and its too soon to tell
star revalation for a happy meal-
i
dont
think
so...

ive misplaced my hate
still fall in debate
i know you hate that dont you...
im all out of time
with reasons not mine
dont deny i ever loved you...
dont you
dont you...

competion runner ran for government
how could you forget her despite the medicine
i am really alright i am really aright i am really... :|

30 June 2003

fuck you too, dad
im suddenly angry and i radiate heat
so blessed with the error i had to bleed
thank you for knowing but not about me
hungry words can shred your make-believe

salivate the chance; wounding first glance
toppeled more than this; i am...

having fun...
but i cant be more than this...

selective amniesia; so sure cant recall
rejoice if only provoked by us all
so easy to say 'its all your fault'
yesterday, or today-its the same despite it all...

purchased a brand new life; branded and despised
so, no its not just kicks; meanwhile i'm...

-c.

pointed at sunset
keep on heading west
might just get some rest
but iam...

-slow c.

25 June 2003

and this one
i saw a breif glimpse of what could be
if i was what you thought of me
instead of what i am...
what am i?
higher than the dutch clog-maker we saw
pissed about a president who fucked with the vote
sorry about anything that was really my fault
waiting for my body to get with the program
//and you thought the other shit was depressing?\\
i never had excess; never been needed; a want for a moment; but lost in a second;
and these pictures of lost causes and what never lasts;
seemed i was a star but a min. ago...
package me nicely; linger on bait; always a fuck up; only one date;
need another worry like a new ulcer; couldnt she have waited until she took me home?

im stuck in the middle
between heaven and hell
one just ignores me
no matter how much i yell
the other adores me
and wont be disspelled

---i cant quite these voices inside of my brain...too many thoughts all at once...done with praying...gonna be done with it...make it a show...short breath and then go

24 June 2003

momentary lapse in make-believe
"I can't believe I won. I was running against peace, prosperity, and {?forgot this one?}"
-G.W.Bush "president" of the us of a

"There is a squatter on federal property... A man not elected by the people is living in 1600 Pennsylvania Ave."
-Michael Moore, Stupid White Men

more americans have read/are reading Michael Moore's new book than voted for The Fraud In A Suit. and from a man walking away with an Oscar for his film Bowling for Columbine and (supposedly) bruises from his 'acceptance' speech, cut short on TV in blantent censorship. a man more psyched up on america then a NOS'd-out raver on 4 July. Moore's fact-recitation can be read for either side...but the facts are so unbelievable in themselves!...things our 15-minute minds have heard, maybe, but not retained. probably due to their incredibility. not-quite-finished reading it yet, but all ready im beyond bewilderment. what the fuck?!?

19 June 2003

...something she said to me last...
sour at appearences; not really old but still you try and make believe
cafe was empty and she spoke of the last chance for me
the other world is telling me what i suspected along
best get me outta here; before i do something wrong...

...i must go to heaven
im already stuck in hell
and when id end up there
i'll ring the fucking bell...

distractions make it seem more normal
lying still in bed to half past 3
in the luxury of a 3-star rating
just the best for you baby
nothing but the best...
...for you

18 June 2003

reset olafactory-settings?!?
been trying to feel. but i ain't got no legs. missed opportunities. acquired new taste. its better up here. where the air's not so thick. so tragic isn't it. the words that she said. baby doll queen. hopped on benny's. mixed quotes, and personalities. kinda feeling ill. dont know where this is going. something's gotta give. not good at bending. wait for the weekend. the fun it's all there. 24 bottles pending. earned every one. sent out a letter. got no reply. stand on a rooftop, arms to the sky. got a slight tingle in the corner of my mind. like an itch or a burning. still don't know why. better much better. arms all around. look ma', he's funny. but he isn't a clown. lost points and descriptions. curious jorge va a la playa. drown in a bathtub. cinco de mayo. danny-boy found the stairway. slammed the door shut. now its locked when i find it. i just cant get out.


Childhood: The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy
and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the
remorse of age.
~Ambrose Bierce~
Disease Of the Month
phlebitis

Inflammation of the wall of a vein. Causes include nearby infection, trauma, surgery, and childbirth. The area over the vein is painful, swollen, red, and hot. A tender, cordlike mass may be felt under the skin. It usually occurs in surface veins in the lower leg and can be treated with pain relievers and bed rest, with mild exercise after inflammation subsides. Phlebitis can last for years; in such cases, irritation of the vein's inner lining leads to blood-clot formation, a condition known as thrombophlebitis (see thrombosis). In deeper veins, this requires anticoagulants to prevent embolisms.

11 June 2003

wish it were real
make believe that this is real; jagged edge, tasty pill
sometime ago it was decided and cant turn back now
oh but to disappear comletely, only then make the real escape
stopping now solely for other peoples sake; sweet oblivion
to be rid of this failed life; bitter passions unreturned, lost love
that still burns; too much, cant bare it; not another day
i need to disappear completely, so i can be free...

09 May 2003

honey, i think about it all the time
we're never safe when lites are low; begging your forgiveness;
but instant sanity wont take heed; these roots of madness run too deep;
and all the angels laugh at me...

another sleepless nite beside her; she cant drive when im sober;
another chance for destiny; hollow eyes that will not see;
breaking loose from conformity; and all the angels laugh...
at me...

dreaming is so close to shows
how could i be expected to know
this here reality that you see
and you're right here next to me...
wake up and those wound are real
experiment to make me feel
i dont know and i cant see
and you're right here next to me...

daylight
so quite
inside
two sides
tonite
i'll try to make it right

laying on a cement floor; i like to call my home;
visions of another life to call my own; instead of out here all alone;
she weeps but its not with sadness; she weeps quite openly;
she weeps because shes finally free;
and all the angels laugh at me...

07 May 2003

awesome
etude n. Music
A piece composed for the development of a specific point of technique.
[from Old French estudie, study.]


***from mighty girl

14 April 2003

punctuation, punctuation!
all i want is a red rider BB gun with a compass in the stock...

...and about 6lbs of good afghan hash.
nice!
saw an awesome sight...

a young man with Downs
listening to head phones
dancing his fucking heart away...

i like happy thoughts...

12 April 2003

where's my lipstick?
not too fast, please forget about it
this isnt mine; no i dont think its hard to forget
drop from the outer mark
good at the finish, damned from the start

and i bet yer wonder what im gonna think...
got it all up here behind the kitchen sink...
yeah ive got it all...

02 April 2003

back from the dead

flying high on an airplane again
cigarette shakes in my hand
i cant believe what They said...
told that damn lie again
told us a lie and it true
so played out for you
tear at the wires all the time
but it just keeps coming out...

can i drift with you tonite
on these could-be-clouds around me
would you tell her that i said its alright
alright...
alright now,
-

spent all last night
in the terminal-lounge
cant be held accountable.

27 October 2002

quote of the week
"Well, if it was the best, so what?"
-john lennon

16 October 2002

a billion and one uses
duct tape is listed in my Top 5 Greastest Inventions of All Time...here is but another reason why...


**dont wanna know where this is from

14 October 2002

captured like fireflies
a dream without meaning
shot past the whirlpool
like space outta nowhere
back as a rebel
in one of mikey's poems
dare neglegt the baby tantrum
scolded high noon

13 October 2002

dag nab it
i haven't been keeping up with my internet adventures well...just read that mighty girl is geting married...shit im depressed...

24 September 2002

too funny...

You Know You're a Nova Scotian When:

1. Your Idea Of A Traffic Jam Is Ten Cars Waiting To Pass A Tractor On The Highway

2. "Vacation" Means Going To MonctonFor The Weekend.

3. You Measure Distance In Hours

4. You Know Several People Who Have Hit Deer More Than Once

5. You Often Switch From "Heat" To "A/C" In The Same Day

6. You Use A Down Comforter In The Summer

7. Your Grandparents Drive At 100 Km/H Through 13 Feet Of Snow During A
Raging Blizzard, Without Flinching.

8. You See People Wearing Hunting Clothes At Social Events

9. You Install Security Lights On Your House And Garage And Leave Both Unlocked

10. You Think Of The Major Food Groups As Deer Meat, Fish And Keith's

11. You Carry Jumper Cables In Your Car And Your Wife Knows How To Use Them

12. There Are 7 Empty Cars Running In The Parking Lot At The Canadian
Tire Store At Any Given Time

13. You Design Your Kids Halloween Costume To Fit Over A Snowsuit

14. Driving Is Better In The Winter Because The Potholes Are Filled With Snow

15. You Think Lingerie Is Tube Socks And Flannel Pajamas

16. You Know All 4 Seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, And Construction

17. It Takes You 3 Hours To Go To The Store For One Item Even When
You're In A Hurry, Because You Have To Stop And Talk To Everyone In Town

And Finally, You Know You Live In Nova ScotiaWhen:

18. You Actually Understand These Jokes And Forward Them To All Your
Friends From Nova Scotia


...i wanna meet someone from nova scotia...

31 August 2002

hazardous to your health
As a seventh grade student, Claire Nelson learned that di(ethylhexyl)adepate (DEHA), considered a carcinogen, is found in plastic wrap. She also learned that the FDA had never studied the effect of microwave cooking on plastic-wrapped food. Claire began to wonder: "Can cancer-causing particles seep into food covered with household plastic wrap while it is being microwaved?"

Three years later, with encouragement from her high school science teacher, Claire set out to test what the FDA had not. Although she had an idea for studying the effect of microwave radiation on plastic-wrapped food, she did not have the equipment. Eventually, Jon Wilkes at the National Center for Toxicological Research in Jefferson, Arkansas, agreed to help her. The research center, which is affiliated with the FDA, let her use its facilities to perform her experiments, which involved microwaving plastic wrap in virgin olive oil.

Claire tested four different plastic wraps and "found not just the carcinogens but also xenoestrogen was migrating [into the oil]...." Xenoestrogens are linked to low sperm counts in men and to breast cancer in women.

Throughout her junior and senior years, Claire made a couple of trips each week to the research center, which was 25 miles from her home, to work on her experiment. An article in Options reported that "her analysis found that DEHA was migrating into the oil at between 200 parts and 500 parts per million. The FDA standard is 0.05 parts per billion." Her summarized results have been published in science journals.

Claire Nelson received the American Chemical Society's top science prize for students during her junior year and fourth place at the International Science and Engineering Fair (Fort Worth, Texas) as a senior.

"Carcinogens -- At 10,000,000 Times FDA Limits" Options May 2000. Published by People Against Cancer, 515-972-4444.

On Channel 2 (Huntsville, AL) they had a Dr. Edward Fujimoto from Castle Hospital on the program. He is the manager of the Wellness Program at the hospital.

He was talking about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat and plastics releases dioxins into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Dioxins are carcinogens and highly toxic to the cells of our bodies.

Instead, he recommends using glass, Corning Ware, or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results without the dioxins. So such things as TV dinners, instant saimin and soups, etc., should be REMOVED from their container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It is far safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He said we might remember when some of the fast food restaurants
moved away from the foam containers to paper.

The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.

22 August 2002

yak!
"if theres nothing on the line, it don't mean anything"

**compliments of my roommate

19 August 2002

end of year
its that time of year again...everyone goes back to school, off somewhere in the great blue yonder, and i stay...this is MY college town...

14 August 2002

yippee!
if you live in SF, DC, or NYC (or visit there and get a ticket so that you curse the place forever), you now have a savior...

parking tickets dot com

**from the lovely kat (in SF)
mi amore
another spectalur article by the glorious Margaret Berry...meticulusly pointing out the obvious, or should be obvious and we all seem the convienently "forget"

Don't be Rude: Part II
calculated affair
i just watched my ex and my friend (whom she dated right afterward) verbally abuse each other...picture a porixide blonde and a cool grubby 30 something having it out...and me in the corner smoking laughing my ass off...untill they ask me something...do i agree? hey, man, leave me outta this one...don't worry dave, you won, hands down...

08 August 2002

:)
life on prozac

04 August 2002

Frisco
yesterday morning i emarked on a road trip to san fransisco, via sacramento. awesome drive. mustard hills and salemander skies. then SF. i fucking love that town. went out with kat and sean. got obscenely drunk. yakked going back over the bay bridge. fun, fun. this morning was berkely and smelly people. and an awesome shopping spree @ amoeba. then back home. i think i spent more time in the car then in the city, actually i know i did. but, what the fuck, right?

01 August 2002

hiatus
things have been kinda slow since i got fired...i'm taking a sabbatical from working...been working fairly steadily since i was 14...time for a break...

27 July 2002

F@#K!!!
yesterday i got fired...today i bought a labtop...and a digital camera...

23 July 2002

better than ice cream
i am undecided on this one...i'm either really freaked out or feeling kinda mushy...kinda like jell-o...mmmm, jell-o...

**from mighty girl

22 July 2002

whatchamacallit
do you remember the candy bar named this? and those silly commercials they used to have...i can hear the faint ringing of the catch tune..."whatchamacallit!"...always reminded me of evil elves dancing around in my sleep...

18 July 2002

silly rabbit
the most fun since play-doh...

bad bunny

**from mighty girl

17 July 2002

"quote"
"i dont know, i don't care, and it doesn't make any difference"
-Jack Kerouac

16 July 2002

simile
i am a leaf
floating in the wind
i toss and i turn
twist and spin
i am up and down
float all over this town
i am a leaf
watch me as i float by
where do i sign...
some guys are filing suit against the DOE...apparently white males are put into a special department where they do nothing and get paid mad amounts of money...only a white guy would complain about that...

click here

**from rick

15 July 2002

:) TOOL (:
going to see 'tool' tonite...not a huge fan of their's but i love a good show. i dig that zeppelin tune they cover though. jordan is in love with them. so is karen. so jordan's bringing me, and i'm bringing karen. she says i'm santa claus. i asked if i get to wear a suit. hmmm...maybe my birthday one...

ps- kat, i'm coming up in a few.
^newsflash^
'one man out' is performing at the OC Battle of the Bands Monday July 22, 2002
email them for ticket info

info@onemanout.com

12 July 2002

~{~@mind fuck'd@~}~
>>>>>intercept II 19 MM0II-b

//bgn

down in the drags but im still pure
been lost together, me and my girl
she left me for a mirror image of me
she left me so alone i would be

do you love me or my words?
soft spoken and redeeming
golden or demeaning
in tattered clothes i bare the flag
shot up in galleries same as my dad
went out to bakersfield to see what i'd find
got lost in the desert drinking turpentine

arch your back
curl your toes
eyes dilate
escaping moan
warm breath
soft touch
not enough
not too much
hands pressed
minds collide
all as one
body, mine

think you can beat this? think you have won?
tempt me twice more and we'll dance

who knows what you're bitter heart can unleash
backed up dumpsters and garbage disposals
tethered down to a railroad track, seconds away

i want to scream
but no one can hear me
bound and gagged by suit jacket and tie
beg for forgiveness but pious im not

i can't help this feeling
im uncontrolled
where is my lover
covered in gold

//end
justification
i now have, once more, a valid california drivers license. it was originally suspended in October of 1999...yes, 1999...but that didn't slow me down...it wasn't until i got a DUI in August of 2000 that i payed any attention to it...oh yeah, getting a DUI while driving with a suspended license is frowned upon by the judicial system...so, my debt to society being paid (in the grand total of $1,253.21 and drivers license being suspended for an additional year) i am back as a fully formed and functional member of society...

boo-yah!

11 July 2002

worthless
i have just spent the last 20 minutes trying to spell "decision"...it required:
a) the help of a co-worker
b) all our combined functioning brain cells
c) spell check

...the saddest part is we were trying for most of that time just to spell it vaguely close so that spell check would understand what iwas trying to say...oh well, here's a cool link:

funny russian jokes

**from metafilter

10 July 2002

hurumpf!
i hate everybody

fuck you all

...again, not you kat, you're a darling...
*check it*
there's a new blogger on the block...its called no parking...the interpretations of reality by a certified lunatic...its true, swear...he's a friend of mine...

and if that weren't enough...

and for those of you still feeling the post 4th blues...an american classic:
Battleship

08 July 2002

~~holiday~~
>>>begin transmission XVII 01 MMII

here i am the shadow of a naked angel
know my heart and love it
lay me down beside four-leaf clovers
and whisper to me with wind
lay with me in utter confidence
this naked angel spreading wings
carry me to safety
engulf and enshroud with those feathery curtains
entombed for eternity

..

on these cliffs a mind was born
of thought surpassed by god
expansion of eternity
through electronic warfare
digital interface to a heavenly body
a shrine to lay thine eyes

..

those eyes
they're on me
penetrating...

does she know?
does he suspect?
is it all too much to assume?...

this pedestal is faltering
this image still not clear
i want to whisper madness
into that lovely ear...

that's all they see, my insanity
and what they can reap from me
they want my soul, and so much more
they all want my dream...

i fear for myself in times of doubt
normally i just carry on
but when the bottle hits the lips
and we embrace in bitter kiss
i kick out those around me...

on my rooftop
arms in a V
i am awesome
no one can touch me.

..

>>>end transmission XVII 01 MMII
}buddah{
his holiness, the Dalai Lama is working for the union of science and Buddhism. a worthy cause, in my opinion. check out Science for Monks

**from metafilter

03 July 2002

journey to the center of the void
so i was mindlessly "surfing" for a little bit. i am extremely tired and it makes me look like i'm actually working so :P
here is my journey, please vist all sites because they are all very worth both time and respect:

whygodwhy.com
to the abouts page
to anil dash's about page
to anil's archives
to to anil's portal page
after a brief jaunt to and fro with several of those, back to anil's current(??) post
to a dead blog with an awesome archive

this whole process was a cleansing, mind-expansive jaunt through the thought process of several magnificent human beings...thanks guys...

p.s...by the way, i'm only being fluffy 'cause im FUCKING TIRED!!!!!!!!!!

p.p.s...kat, sweetheart, pay no attention to the bad words, they're not for you...
...at a loss for words...
okay, this is just wierd...

lobotomy 101 presents:

Piss Jumping

**from rick
worried still
okay, i am not a very patriotic man. i got detention in high school for not saying the pledge of alligence, i always forget flag day, and i cannot support a regime that says i can't smoke marijuana in my own house and if i do i am a terrorist. i'm not a terrorist, i'm a pot-head. there's a BIG f@#$ing difference! anyway (so easily distracted) i read this article by an American Airlines pilot and i just wanted to share it with the rest of you. very aptly put for a pilot, i must say. (sorry pilots of the world)

**from metafilter

01 July 2002

good clean funnies
UCSD has a comedy newspaper called The Koala...pretty funny shit, check it out...
|top 5|
Top 5 Greatest Inventions of Mankind
5) spam...more fun than play-doh, tastier than tofu
4) velcro...speaks for itself
3) cheese...some guy goes walking in the desert for a couple weeks with some milk, magically when he got back it had turned to cheese...oooo...aaahhh...oooooohhhh!
2) bread...any way you like, call it yum yum!!!
1) beer...liquid bread AND its got alcohol!!!

28 June 2002

~{my god is a porcelin one}~
last night jordan and i went out celebrating...there were several reason for this, can't get into it now...we went down to hennesy's where they serve this drink called "the Big Wave"...64 fluid ounces of rum, pineapple juice, red bull, and stuff...served in a fish bowl, like you used to keep your goldfish in...my head hurts...

27 June 2002

astounding
floating wreckage:jettisoned cargo is f@#$ing great site...all in the guise of just another simple blog...news, reference, this site has it all...

thanks metafilter!
mi amore
check out this great article by the captivating Ms. Margaret Berry...

'Chagrin and Men I Have Loved'

26 June 2002

[sport-o]

2002 FIFA World Cup


okay, so i forgot to post this earlier...blame it on denial

United States 0, Germany 1



Final Match Up


Brazil vs Germany {6.30 4a PST}


Third Place Game

S. Korea vs. Turkey {6.29 4a PST}
wishing i could age like wine
the number of times i feel old is increasing on a daily basis...example 1 (last night): some friends and i try to re-hash old habits and go down to Strands to have a bonfire...(i bought a 40 of Mickey's to go with my voddy...very old skool)...but, as in the old days, we didn't bring any wood...expecting to either find wood there or some chill people willing to share...(fire for alcohol, i love bartering)...arriving at the first pit we meet 3 very chill guys...so we sit our fat asses down and begin conversation...i notice these three guys positively staring at the 3 women im with...shit! "how old are you guys?" i ask..."17" they reply...double shit...they then continue to tell me about thier high school, which is about 5 years old, and built where i used to ride BMX back in "the day"...these kids were still drooling and pissing themselves when i used to sit at a fire with older girls and stare in absolute delight at their breast's...i wanna be peter pan...i don't wanna grow up!...

(segue into 'Toys R Us' theme and fade into the background)

25 June 2002

drawn
out on the town but just for an evening
we lay by the sea completely believing
naked with words we share our one being
eyes straight ahead but not really seeing
bare feet in sand and you know the feeling
the stars over head will make up the ceiling
she speaks in a tongue that is drenched with a meaning
we lay on our backs, the ocean is breathing
oh...

i've got problems
and you do too
got something else
but this will do
she says its alright
we can just be friends
but i think we both know
how this will end, oh...

i believe in myself and nobody else
try to keep feelings high up on a shelf
but she does something that no one else does
like light up my life with her love...

so i see through the eyes of a needle or gun
there's work and there's play but everythings fun
lifes too damn short and its only begun
shes larger than life and she shines like the sun
i look for complaints but aint got none...

i think im boiling over
and its fresh and its new
want something else
but this will do
she says its alright
that we're just friends
i hope i know how this will end...

finally found something else to believe
had all the magic waiting up my sleeve
she takes me to levels beyond and above
and flies like an eagle as sweet as a dove
she does all these things and says just because
she showers me with her love...oh just because
just because
just because.

~b

20 June 2002

oh so very james joyce-ish
check out this really cool bands website:

stephen will apologise
dream a little dream
i had really fucked up dreams the last two nights. tuesday night the entire world was on fire and i tried to pee on it to put it out. i failed, of coarse. then last night i dreamed that i was leaving a venue and the exit actually took you into an alice-in-wonderland-esque maze with no end. i ended up climbing out while others just stood there all squished. when i climbed out i was in a swap-meet. so i bought a churro. mmmm. churro.

19 June 2002

you scream, i scream we all scream when there's a body in the Ice Cream truck
there's multiple lessons to be learned here
1)don't run from the cops
2)frozen banana's kill


**from rick

18 June 2002

mr. mojo rising
there is a great article about a guy who has been dead for 80 years and is just now being buried.Mojo (no one knows his real name) apparently died while passing through the town. Remind me to never stop there.

16 June 2002

leaving a message
a message left in CS of my work:

girl: ...i'd like for one of you customer service guys to call us back. We have left several...
guy in background: what are you doin', woman?
girl: I'm leavin' a message for 'em
guy: What?!
girl: I'm leavin' a MESSAGE!
guy: You just don' do it!

14 June 2002

[sport-o]

2002 FIFA World Cup



United States 1, Poland 3


next game vs. Mexico in Round of 16 {6.17 @ 2.30a}

Ireland vs. Spain {6.16 @ 7.30a}

12 June 2002

stoked
i am now a rich man...i was awarded a full settlement of $100,000.00 for a car accident i was in on 3.1.02...wooohooo...

11 June 2002

[sport-o]

2002 FIFA World Cup



United States 1, S. Korea 1


next game vs. Poland {6.14 @ 4:30a}

Ireland 3, Saudi Arabia 0


Ireland advances to Round of 16
how rude!
read a great article about rudeness in the work place. now i have to admit that i once did somethings mentioned in the article (ie. leaving a message to inform them i wouldn't be coming in anymore, i did it in the middle of the night when i knew no one would answer)...but i was 17 at the time, working as a VB programmer while doing independent study to finish high school...i think im allowed some lea-way


**from rick

07 June 2002

legal beagle
the various legal problems i am currently attending to or are against me:

1) auto accident from 3.1.02 {current status: in settlement}
2) possesion ticket from 3.23.02 {current status: arraignment on 6.13.02; im gonna fight it!}
3) witness to an assult on 5.30.02 {current staus: on call}

all i can say is my lawyer...loves me.

06 June 2002

my life as a vegetable
>>>>>intercept II 19 MM0II-b

//bgn

down in the drags but im still pure
been lost together, me and my girl
she left me for a mirror image of me
she left me so alone i would be


do you love me or my words?
soft spoken and redeeming
golden or demeaning
in tattered clothes i bare the flag
shot up in galleries same as my dad
went out to bakersfield to see what i'd find
got lost in the desert drinking turpentine


arch your back
curl your toes
eyes dilate
escaping moan
warm breath
soft touch
not enough
not too much
hands pressed
minds collide
all as one
body, mine

think you can beat this? think you have won?
tempt me twice more and we'll dance

who knows what you're bitter heart can unleash
backed up dumpsters and garbage disposals
tethered down to a railroad track, seconds away

i want to scream
but no one can hear me
bound and gagged by suit jacket and tie
beg for forgiveness but pious im not


i can't help this feeling
im uncontrolled
where is my lover
covered in gold

//end

>>>>>intercept II 19 MM0II-b
[sport-o]

2002 FIFA World Cup



United States 3, Portugal 1


next game: vs. S. Korea {6.9 @ 23:30}

Ireland 1, Germany 1


next game, vs. Saudi Arabia {6.11 @ 4:30}

04 June 2002

language barrier
little punk rock bunny doll
all hopped up on smiles
send a smile out to me
i'll save it for a rainy day
when im standing all alone outside
wearing nothing but that smile

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

cowboy made of paper clips
lost hi-way
the desert moves and breathes you life
calls sanctimony out
with glitter to make the ceiling
and glass to close the world
not too much now, she sees me
and hollywood collides...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

palm
mighty
lamerica and you
gold coast
shiny
a stranger creeping forward
-request to the management-
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge head
first into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays
off. I work in a damp environment. I don't get paid overtime. I work
in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high
temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep on the
job after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of
the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are
often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative -
you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You
don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing
the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are
65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your
designated work before you have completed the assigned task. And if
that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management
...ha...ha...ha...
A lonely man decided that life would be more interesting if he had a pet so he went to the pet store and told the sales person that he wanted to buy a very unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede that came in a little white box for its house.

He took the centipede in the box home and found a nice spot for it.

The man then decided to start things off by taking his new pet to
the bar for a drink, so he asked the centipede in the box,"Would you like to go to the bar with me for a drink?"

...but there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered the man, but he waited a few moments and then asked the centipede again, "How about going to the bar with me and having a drink with me?" ...but again there was no answer from the centipede.

The man waited a few moments and asked him one more time, this time putting his face against the centipede's house and shouting,

"Hey in there!

Would you like to go to the bar and have a drink with me?"
A little voice comes out of the box:

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my fucking shoes!"
Thank you for your cooperation.

**from shorty

03 June 2002

Personality Disorder of the Week



Narcissistic Personality Disorder

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Diagnostic Criteria

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:



-has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

-is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

-believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

-requires excessive admiration

-has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

-is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

-lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

-is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

-shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Associated Features

-Depressed Mood

-Dramatic/Erratic/Antisocial Personality

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Differential Diagnosis



Histrionic Personality Disorder; Antisocial Personality Disorder; Borderline Personality Disorder; Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder; Schizotypal Personality Disorder; Paranoid Personality Disorder; Manic Episodes; Hypomanic Episodes; Personality Change Due to a General Medical Condition; symptoms that may develop in association with chronic substance use.