-request to the management-
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge head
first into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays
off. I work in a damp environment. I don't get paid overtime. I work
in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high
temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep on the
job after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of
the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are
often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative -
you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You
don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing
the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are
65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your
designated work before you have completed the assigned task. And if
that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management