[nano-technology]
i have sailed the streets of long beach
as vacant as a shadow
i was the epitomy of---
madness! empty & hollow
seperate from the straight world
The Show
my boilers fueled by amphetimines
providing me with the all too neccessary
steam-clean feeling
& some much needed relief
from myself
succled in the street-light glow
took a back seat to a car
in tow
keeping my eyes on the road
a bottle of moonshine, a horseshoe,
and 1/2 a kilo of blow
flashing lights and big fucking guns
yer fucked!
stab with nails
decaying with rust
ashes to ashes, dust to dust

[polybicarbonate]
beg to believe in
'bout anything
really
anything real
atleast
that you might of
spilled
to me
big sack of sacrifices
sounds stupid
really
any word feels
atleast
like a weapon &
a shield; equally
anything can kill
i think
eventually

[i laugh at your big red x]
hey you
yer lame
and thats all the thought
you take

[totally]
hollow looks hurt most
from her
& too much can mean
too many things
forever too
dreams fade faster when held
too tight
just let go
now, go
battle scars from loving
gifts
tuesday never gave
two shits
lost alot when i
lost her
& too much can mean
too many things
tried too hard to
let her know
must let go
must let go
fading back to be
unknown
now go

[lust]
there is dawn out there
somewhere
speeding just beyond the horizon
it waits for the bare flesh
with harsh
magnifying lenses.
mistress of the-end-of-the-night
who comes but once
& then takes flight
do what you do
and when you do
you move.
me----?
sirred autistic artistic juices
concentrated
but 110% pure
CREATE!
music, poetry,
pictures with out paint!
its a wonderful, brand new day
come on lets sin,
says the saint.

[force of will]
what do you see when you look out on
the world
from the safety of that bubble
of your mind?
scent of fear for what is not known
& for what IS
known.
does MIGHT make RIGHT?
...as lincoln is credited
saying...
does the strong angry-man,
a mighty man with out an equal
in strength,
who over powers a girl
(weak & scared; young & naive)
a little girl on whom he
forces his will.
having his way with her
like a toy;
is this man a righteous man?
does his strength void the inherent
evil
of what he does?
no.
what of the government
who uses its armed forces
against its own people;
to mortally mark a gathering
of the people
by the people
& for the people;
stain the ground with the blood
of children
who dont understand.
all because they disagree
with the state of the nation,
supposed to be free.
where is the right
so honourably decreed as
the way?
is freedom not written as
all men being created equal;
with certain, unalienable rights:
life,
liberty,
& the pursuit of happiness.
living free & happy;
every body.
no imposition of
ideas or beliefs on you or others, by you;
welcoming opposition,
not silencing dissention
by force.
what is wrong if
this is right?
if might makes right,
i wanna be left.
look around
everybody
anytime;
hypocracy stares at you from
every where.

[get inside]
my body's not a temple
anymore
my mind is not as clear as it
use to be---.
and i passed out
at
your front door;
but im
two doors down,
-actually.

still,
youre not impressed that much by me {rpt.}

the morning, burning glory; burns
eyeballs set in stone.
pierce my eyes as i
let out a piercing scream---.
im trying, hard, not too think
& be
clever still.
consuming all this lovely
alcohol.

and your still
not all that impressed by me. {rpt.}

what does it all mean, pretty lady
tell me what really does it for you?
please, please, please tell me,
pretty lady...
i wanna get inside of you.

my heart, hear it beating? like a whore?
this is that
fine-line-re-al-(i)t-y---.
pluck & steal flowers for your car
from that neighbor that pisses
you
off.

caught
out on the lawn
spot-lights, & alarms
all coming on.
caught me
pee ing on the front
lawn.
my fly,
undone;
as bright as the sun.
tell your mother, your
father
just what i did.
butcher of flowers,
the boy who just
had-to-piss...
and just couldnt
hold it.

but youre still not all that impressed by me {rpt.}

[so]
you're oh so big
now
your mother must be so
proud
so in control
so mighty
so...!
...you know?
it must be so nice
to
exorcise
so much influence
so often
so that
those once deemed friends
say
'so long'
so often
so now this is the end
so what?

[high for the low-ball]
the tragic mind that wanders
round & 'round to the dark places
...while pondering empty spaces;
with a half-filled grin
eyes bright with the sin
of the moment; that never lasts forever.
for every chance taken
2 dozen, atleast, get left by the road
the waste that litters
a-n-y-b-o-d-y-'s
past
changing the future
whats forsaken
---become living proof to her!
make haste for the last thought
live & die
like a man.

[mulatto]
no ones answering &
the voices fill up my head
stomache turns & gargles
i pour another whiskey down
the old girl doesnt get
it
the new girl doesnt get
it
im the only one who gets
it.
black emptiness enfolds us
the stranger dies in your arms
another victim of a hard-knock-
life
and i
pour another whiskey down

[et tu]
birds in flight &
i'm
really flowing now.
ive gotthe 2nd sight;
ive got the mad
look.
screw in the corkscrew
as if to say:
"screw YOU, world"
when nobody wants or
needs you
its easy to disappear

[the unfinished garden]
run with the fury
run with the hunted
run your cold, dead fingers
thru my hair
goodbye, baby
i love you
always
still
night, calm; cold darkness
---open your eyes!
i made a deal with the devil
but
the devil, he lied
so i
run into the madness
run full speed into the night
run down days like
so many lines
i miss you, baby
always
still

saying goodbye
again
my
love

[mandala]
the star-body heat-lamp high over head
another fat, black fly feels oncoming death
old men pushing archiac machines down cratered streets
noise echos but is held by gravity
children in new clothes & wrapped safely in plastic
souls being fed like pollution & old habits
breathe in the air
of the last hundred years
liquid smoke leaves me blue, it shares my hue;
leaves my lungs and dissappears
the fat, black fly has found some back-up
a partner-in-crime; or maybe true love?
while the nuclear inferno rages on high above

[hindsight]
drunk on a rose
with its pedals &
leaves
still wet.
high as a kite
waking up
in your
lovers bed.
getting strung out on
the constant
embellishment ---
love, so surreal
&
true, fucking
happiness.
bound by the rules
& the laws known as
circumstance.
enjoy all you can
while you can, my friend
it doesnt last;
no one ever wins.

[bullet holes]
offer me a choice & i'll
certainly
pick to lose. anyway,
its like some dead man always said
'the monkey's only bothersome
until
he gets fed'
never quite knew what he meant
but i can guess
now.
a simple matter
now.
the picture lies in
tatters
strewn across the ground
the landfill
because i know you didnt recycle it...

SHIT!

!!!

threw out that heart,
true?
after it was painstakenly reassembled
in accordance to all the rules;
with old paint and glue.
just tossed it away despite
claims, nay
vows;
it'd be saved.
what does that say?
we are all sinners
nothing is saved.

[Buddah-mind]
om.
i wait
practicing
my patience.
let fate
decide
where it shall take me.
i meditate,
clear my mind of these
old things;
& feel bliss.
i wait
& exercise
my patience.
om.
om.
om...

[visions of boston]
a white pedal falls
down in a spiralling pattern
into the street in a path of pure beauty
amazing!
& then it gets pulverized
ground into the ground,
molecules merging with the asphalt
& concrete;
mashed like potatoes by the tires
of a young woman behind the wheel
in a very large automobile.
she is talking away on her phone
she dont pay for
like her car
or tuition
or anything really.
scored with the tread-marks of this
one-hit wonder-bra touting
female of anxiety
its pure, white glory
destroyed.
left to decompose, slowly
in a gutter.
so i sit in absolute silence
reliving & praising that fall
before it met
inevitability

i know how you feel...

[make]
wheels turning 'round as they
chew up the way down.
out along the coast in my
chariot that smokes gasoline
my mind
full of headache & im willing to pay
heart of mine
still slowly bleeding & yes,
it is bothering me.
im gonna go down to that
dirty border town &
boy, im gonna drink
im gonna drink, drink, drink
until i cant feel a thing;
im gonna drink, drink, drink
until it erases me.

[word]
remember The Word
& the dream that was shared.
binding in passion
&
relief that we weren't alone;
somebody cared.
how many times did we just
talk
away crazyness?
inviting the calm that
comes; it exists!
knowing that somebody else
gets
all of this.
so nice to feel, solidarity.
mutually assured.
that wonderful, wonderful
happiness
that comes from knowing
The Word

[unadulterated]
as we all sit and squabble over petty things:

yesterday
people died.
they died from bombs falling
out of they sky;
they died
from bullets aimed between
the eyes...
floods and famine are just
not enough?
i guess.
brother killing brother is
what we do best.
i have never killed another
man.
i am we the walrus sings
i am still human.
wars rage on
mothers will cry
& today
people will die.

[paraphrase of the century]
last night
i had a dream about this girl i know
& she loved me
& it was good
i woke up
with a sudden urge to kill myself
& it struck me
& i fell down
it was no longer a question of
'if'
but 'how'

[birds and girls]
sometimes feathers cannot keep you
but then again, he never needs you
so tired of crying that your
eyes feel like they're drained
remember outside in the rain?
i held your head
you gave me pain
i rip old wounds fresh again
everytime i remember them

[hoo-ah]
...a checkered noose
that true life stare
a bloody nose that doesnt care.
Holy Rollers---
Holy shit---!
this is everything,
this is it.

indescretion
still quite quite destructive
while very much
still
indispose.

[echos of heart]
cascading brow lines fall off my
dumb-struck face;
& the canvas sits empty:
a portrait of space.
life keeps on happening
every single day
& love happens quickly
then quickly goes away.
chlorinated water
that runs down the drain
there goes life wasted
with minimal complaint.

...better than to have it thrown away
in some dumb fit of rage
like pictures i made
& gave
and was told would be saved
always
and forever...
which from all ive experienced is about 2-3 months

[post-humerous response]
your thoughts --- tingled senses
& yer feeling quite reckless
you close with an off line
much louder than mine
louder than hers
louder than words
just a heart needing mending
but them dollars yer spending
could buy every line from here
to the moon
death is the last bastion
and it echos in your head
you cant really do it
so you kill off the feeling instead
it becomes mind over matter
and your mind's turned to batter
& nothing more need be said

[a shameless thing to do]
im timing the sunlight
y' fuse it together
run like a freight train
change with the weather
heartaches & heart attacks
a heartless expression
love is an alibi
but never a lesson...
dining on paper plates
drinking box wine
watching te ferris wheel
watching your eyes
canopy changes
hold on to that second
love is an alibi
but never a lesson...
cop to a new routine
patterns in clouds
mind still lies openly
while thoughts jump around
sweet chemical handgrenade
shows me whats missin'
love is an alibi
but never a lesson.

[branch]
as the nation breathes
as the city sleeps
on a holiday
or the seven seas
on a holiday
-is it picturesque?
did you ever think?
am i one of those?
i am only me...
back in budapest
in the county jail
smoking mary jane
skipping out on bail
didnt leave a note
couldnt read that well
wouldve thought you knew
that my love's for sale...
on a wing & prayer
in the family tree
didnt recognize
didnt notice me
if the past is lost
does it still repeat?
dont wanna think tonight
i just wanna be...

[blind]
into the twilight, the spot light
the long night-
driving.
wishing you were alright, no dead eyes
flying...
but the world sticks out its tongue
& you do too
and we swerve to the left-hand
side
while the memories cloud up the view
replacing memories
with wine.
off into the dark night, not alright
no foresight-
blind.

[the horse that is high]
puff, puff, baby...give
no second thought
to
the thoughts of the bad things
those memories,
forgot.
play the martyr, yeah
i'll be the demon.
i don't care anymore
even if you lie and think you do;
did
lie to yourself
lie to your friends
lie awake at night
think about the heaven
we had
that you threw away.

[be there]
a call to arms against
all tyranny
lurking in the shadows
& in the castles of the nation
rise up! all ye men of
honour
kill the whores that kill
your sons
your daughters
strike back for what you
believe
can be
fight the evil
reclaim your country

[ach-em!]
you think you've loved
well
um
excuse me
for seing past your lies
deceit
gathered up whats
um
left
for me
scattered notes
and
bits of saline
doesnt hurt 'till you
make me bleed
with the prescence of yours
truely
i abolish all that makes me
unclean
your love
your lies
the future
unseen

[i can see it all]
shards of truth in a
confectionary glass
aparatus.
the trust abused,
she says to you.
so i go and walk a mile
to walk it off and see my visions.
the hiways there, i know. but
still
theres something missin'.
the holy hand that passes up
when plague regrets;
you feel no love.
i wish i were a star that night
i wish i may...
i wish tonight.

[a moment of relapse]
love is lost despite
fruitfull labour
& still i find it hard to
hate her
falling back down my
evil ways
well,
time is money &
crime does pay...

feel alone
& im achieving
feel no love
only breaking
nerves are racked
anticipating
lying down
body shaking...
several moon's &
summers waiting
not surprised
sun is fading
loss for words
imitating
with my mind
masturbating...


seven times remember her
then push it from your head
& every time you loose a second
amongst the four post's of your bed
for seven years ive traced each sin
made martyrs of them all
in a bed
high above the streets
or
in a bathroom stall
maybe we could make it happen
if sex was all it was
loosing track of conversation
loosing the feeling,
love.

[you]
this is for you
you
know who you are
who spit in my face;
you stole my heart.
this love's now a burden
what once gave me wings
its flame once burned brightly
in your eyes
---yeah you!
& now i must keep
it
close.
i know you're out there
doing your thing
everynight
happy.
im glad your happy.
be
happy.
smile darling...

[ recovered memory ]
i get musical when i
think
of love.
i get cynical when i
think of what love does.
pulls you
inside-out
for all the world to see...
humming softly this
melody.
i got this song to sing...
i got this thing...
in me.
i may get whiney & i
may get
stale.
wash my mouth out
with a quart of ale.
im getting nervous, cant you see?
humming
all the while
this melody.
i got this song to sing...
i got this thing
'you see?
i got a song to sing
i got this thing
in me.

[words mk.IV]
bullshit! bullshit!
---scream aloud.
taste the dirt of this
hallow ground.
among the dead & the
mourning trees;
say The Lord's Prayer:
sing for me.
sing for me!
...i wish i may
i wish i might
have that solemn sleep
tonight.
in my dreams
love cannot die...
weeping angels no longer
cry.

[goddamn i am]
buck up!
be strong!
you say youre a man
well
then proove them all wrong!
take it
take it
all their abuse
those striking blows
and callous words too!
or dont
and we'll see
take one more step
set yourself free

Patron Saint of the Week
St. Dymphna

[balderdash]
back on the staircase
falling into
inebriation
nails in my shoes and
dirt under my nails
scatch me
make me bleed, again
do me
again
please?

[purgatory]
deep inside my eyes there is
me
not what is given; not what is stolen
the center of all that makes up
me
mind, heart, body, soul
i know that you've seen
me
and it is
me
you adore

~~~

watch the breathing of a dying man
ask him questions ---understand
offer more than a fucking blanket
simple conversation

[fault]
ultimate dynamo
speeding on roses &
antibiotics
matching wits with a
polar bear
who flames up, arthritis
the lemon twists in its
teeth
displayed awkwardly
fashioned in gold like a
worn
plastic model
cry when he sneezes
& laughter
sounds hollow

[atech-to-oh]
i...i hold my breath
i...i let my head, gently
drift
& then
i...i slowly dip
underwater
the oxygen inside my lungs
goes to my blood which carries
it
to every part of me
all my
extremities
the spaces deep inside of me
and my lungs want so much to
scream
this...this is living
underwater

[bullocks]
find the key to open it
the part of you thats been kept
locked up & away
all these many years
the hiding place of all them
feelings
the amazing
the fantastic
as well as all the bad ones
you didnt want them
so you said
but now you want them back again
all of them, and then some
the wonder
the beauty
of those everyday feelings

[that thing]
i thought i had a thing that was mine
but it left me at first chance
no matter how just slight of hand
it was what it was and is what it is
never taken back
never brought forward
never dealt with
never moved on

im sorry if i cant
but
then again im not
cant move on until the past is dealt with

[libre me]
trying hard not to think about
the state of the union tonight
how we live. how we talk. how we breathe.
the world at large is not the same
it is not the world i grew up in.
optimism is confounded by fear
fear that immobilizes us.
pulls the wool down over our eyes
while te rug is pulled out
from under our feet.

[bullshit-proof]
i thought i was safe from the prowling
eyes. the dog-like stare straight at me.
i thought i could hide from the womb
known as love. but the devil found its way, as
devils often do
give the Man his due---he kicked the crap outta you!
well, gosh & gee-wilikers, i must be
shaking in my boots. so now im
loose!---im free, but not really. i
still got this 'thing' hanging over me
i cannot escape this goddamn feeling
that one i tried to kill
with red wine and pills
& you know what?
someday i will!!!
if its the last thing i do

[fever]
sun falling down; fever rising up
killing aint so strange when its
only time you love
im no the Fool Who Thinks
but i definitely think too much
& my body starts to shake
...trying hard to cover up
drink to ease the pain
of all those ugly thoughts
i dont know what i can say
the devil's got my tongue...
sun falling down; and yeah i may give up
the only things i hate
the only things i love
trying hard now not to think
knowing that im fucked
i dont know what i can say
the devil's got my tongue...

[bing!]
stand on the pulpit
preach 'bout The Word
you who blame all sin
on girls
what am i supposed to believe?
an ex-nazi in rome
has God on the phone?
a meteorite in Mecca can cleanse me,
a sinner?
a God of rath; full of brimstone and fire
you all preach The Truth
but you're all just liars.

[bubble-gum queen]
trapped in
molecules that are travelin'
down your cheek; im drowning!
it feels good---so be it
that thing which keeps on needing
fall asleep; good feeling
hear that heart? its beating
beating on for...
...nothing
& no one
but you.
so,
breathe in!
take the time to notice
smile shines from deep in-
side
those lovely eyes. before this
gets to be a problem
---as love has always gotten
kiss me now 'cause
nothing
& no one
but you
makes me feel
only you.

[blunder]
had an itch and kept on scratching
' making noise, so now im asking
whats the deal these days with passion?
an involintary action?
like when you drink and end up yakking
you & i end up combating
& it starts off a chain-reaction
sends me home to sleep it off...
but now im bored and im not trying
my brain is slowly liquifying
dont want to think about her crying
but i never got to see her trying
i start shaking---feel a fever
think a drink will make me better
feel my pulse and its electric
thoughts of mine become ecentric
i pray and hope that someone gets this
okay, i pray that you dont get pissed
because forever means no finish
i grew up---yeah, i like spinach
chain-reaction sends me home to
sleep it off again

Best News I've Heard All Week:
{Math Proof That Girls Are Evil}
girls take up time & money or,
girls = time x money
time is money, therefor:
time = money
so
girls = money x (money)
or
girls = money2 {money squared}
and if money is the root of all evil, then:
money = v/evil <--my best attempt at a square root thingy
then:
girls = (v/evil)2
or
girls = evil

it looks better written out...

[loose lips sink ships]
they are guarding the streets with assult weapons
while we shop. looking for presants
for our loved ones.
they are guarding the money.
they eye us suspiciously
they have armor to protect
themselves
from us
they are afraid
they are afraid of us
when did they
stop being us?

[run lola run]
its cold...getting colder
death in the alley
dead of winter
i want to tell you things,
i do!
but saving it saves you
its a struggle to tell the truth
cautious enough to use up
all restraint
no leading on any farther
forget the old man with the untied shoelaces
he's no good you see. better to face it
now
NOW
now that the moon, day to day, gets even smaller
and smaller
run
hide
just RUN AWAY!
save yourself, please?
now - before it gets to you
now - because you still can
now - break the ties that bind you

[make]
made this deal with the devil
she promised me the world
she layed me down in her bed
made of flowers
her blue skin flashes when she screams
i asked her name and she never answered
didnt know that it meant something to you
im past the questions
im into the answers
im digging for something
but i sometimes forget.

[just the 2 of us]
maybe it's better...
...to what?! to forget her?!?
---i was hooker the day i met her!
now you what?
...i upset her.
tried so hard to stay together
but we never tried
together
we worked so well when we worked
together
...as strange a word as 'forever'
---ive never seen forever
last more 'n week
together
not ever

[harmony had it]
so much gets disturbed by some
issue with words; wrong ones,
foul ones. some you call
stupid
and some that build up
walls---the kind that always fall.
crashing down around me with the
faintest lil' smile
pressed upon those lips
pressing hard against my own
stealing all my heat
& my moisture
sucking me dry
leave me to linger in the sands
back to the desert, holding hands
whistling a tune thats stuck inside my head...
doo-de-doo-de-doo doo doo. doo-de-doo

close those baby blues
slowly count to ten
forget just after 8 or 9
...smile for me again?

[BAH!]
how many times did the church bell ring?
i was told by my shoes that duty called
they want another favour, they want Dignaty
dressed up-paraded 'round the mall...

why do i feel like gravity is killing me?
let the devil drive, he knows the way home
craddled in my arms i want her to be
buried in the ground is where you are

[aqua-me]
i beg to speak but only bubbles form
underwater
the muffled sounds & blurry vision
i close my eyes, lay
underwater
so many nights spent
underwater
or right near the surface
barely peaking out from
under water
swim to the bottom
thats my problem, bouyancy
id rather be
underwater

[XMIT]
cool my jets on something liquid
give a nod to minor passions
illuminate whatever that is
draw me a picture, lets talk about it

strangers known some time before me
processed on the bathroom rug
squealing, moaning ---beg for more!
put it in a letter; we'll talk about it...

this is an emergency
transmitting on all frequencies
im lost, im fucked ---oh, somebody PLEASE!
rescue me from the Mad Machine

is there anybody out there
any one but me,
myself & that other guy...
i
yes, i think thats it
quick
its dark and im getting sick
sick of this shit
fuck this
i dont wanna talk about it...

self-realization
my penis is like a retarded little brother;
driven by curiosity and a need to be hugged.

[the fool with a smile]
im running in circles
tearing everything
apart
my head up my ass
&
my ass doesn't care
bullet-proof, manicured
aire of resistance
to the recommended daily
allowance's
wit all of its
amendments
polished off
& wax resistant
like a child, so fast
so persistant
acknowledge something
i dont care what
admit your faults
confess to God!
leading on that you will
SAVE THEM
with all your mental
masturbation

no on e sho ul d tel l yo u w hat y ou be liev e

[rotflmao ii]
nothing kept
the offer made
the pigeons wept
for all who came
as sad affair
as old eyes see
the tragedy of it all
lay hidden
in the scene
obscure remarks?
-i guess, but
who says?
try to -hardly
works best if less
obscene.

[branded]
someday i will lose control; that sense of
self -myself-; & then
i'll fall.
from higher graces & a better stasis
from which we are all
absolved.
sure of this as sure as
anything. a better night
-wake up!
the sun, it brings
a taste of love, however
fleeting...
the only thing that keeps my
heart a' beatin'

lost
i found
a meaning to use
its alright
yeah, its okay
for now.

{!}
...like a midget in a urinal
i'm gonna have to stay on my toes


.

[this;that]
arteries that fee my monster
exsistence is what follows after
the fading light that drives me farther
its my life; its my disaster

severed head in hands so Holy
understood what god had told me
never knew ---how fucking boring
surest bet on the hand yer holding

like to think; need to know something
watch you dying in slow motion

[driven in by piles]
craping out on a slab of concrete
need a moment, if you please
Hollywood is on the streets
making up this vulgar scene
remenants of a life made up
a casualty to this brutal love
give me more-its not enough
'yer so damn cool';---yeah, so damn tough
what is seen is a TV screen
dressed to kill democracy
hold my hand while i slowly bleed
save a piece from the Mad Machine
15 minutes, thats it! your done
foolish lambs stare at the sun
Hollywoods' been over-run
write it off, have some fun

[false prophets]
fall asleep!
-you're just a whisper.
cut brutally from every picture.
scattered to flames
& winds
-so many times, so many
did.
in view of every single moment
the best there ever was, goddammit; we own it!
selling god
like fruits & roses



& the mind can stray when the
heart is tied; it seems only
over night. back next day - like
cattle let to range.

[the under-cover pigeon]
in the tender womb of the Queen of Hearts
with the Devil's Man & a deck of cards
the Offer made; now there's just that other part...
a broken groom seething shattered stars
his fertile bride
lays sleeping
underneith the yard

there's a House of Mirrors where the mind belongs
it might be said 'a tad naive';---but thats wrong
like the sunny side on the west end of dawn
two sugar-cubes meet & are gone---!
out there dreaming 'bout the other side of
the freedom in a song

she percolates out of a lovers bed
removes an arm to extract her head
...& then she walks away from him!
the sky's turning blue and her eyes are red
remember all those things we did?!?
have to laugh, so often did
just cant friggin' help it
she starts to run; her soul's been fed.

[signal]
...and we talk, back and forth
in radio-wave patterns
10 degrees of digestion for
every little noun
but i Holy-ily believe in
lost time & of caverns
that place in your eyes
that shakes with every little sound
under the tree's, lay on the grass
& your crying?!?
gave you my heart; ' made it bleed
& i - see - you - smil-ing

[hot]
bashful, hot lover; caramel queen
mean what your saying and
say you want me
bent over backwards; both in heat
and in jest
figuratively-literally
at the foot of the bed
unlock the secrets with the hooks
of your dress
whole body beating and
clenched tight as a drum
drenched in sweat; as if swimming
each breath biting in lungs
exhaled past your voice box
which brings music to my ears
the sound of your moaning
the taste of your tears
wild and spinning; the earth moves in sway
to the pushing and pulling between you
and me
is this how you see it?
tell me, now,
does it feel good?
my minds eye is harlot,
my brain is a whore

...c-span2 update...
a bunch of politicians deliberating for hours
about who would be politically appropriate to
nominate
for the various Nobel Prizes...

[what?!?]
well, just answer me one question
what is it you love?
the tired faces filling up
tired days
like a skipping record
's been skipping since 10-years-ago
when push comes to shove, tell me
what is it you love?!?
i doubt even you know!
your emotions, your tools
you use
in your game. applied with
the pressure
of your ultimate aim

[drink the honey from my lips]
yellow transmittals of blank, empty
space; sent for cause of reaction
that screams for attention. well, sorry
honey; not today.

[what you say]
i taste the ill-famed apple-
of-your-eye that tasted
a little bit like strawberries.
but i havent had any strawberries,
not for a year at least.
the daylight, i think, hates me
because im handsom, says his inner
drag-queen.
put me in a magazine.
i could be in a magazine,
maybe if i was seventeen
again.
so what if all thats good is rotten
so what if i dont care
apathy is all love's begotten
guess that means i care

[bold]
can you feel the hunger?
is it deafening?
your stomach growl
a freight train
long & hot on a still dead night
the anxiety in waiting
between a rumble & a roar

[down by the river]
beat me down when i was standing
tall
left me bloody down by the river
if that river could carry me away
wash this body clean
if i thought for a second
id let that river take me
down o the ocean - way out to sea
goddamn these emotions,
they're killing me!

[...]
tremble, you shake
til the night turns to dawn
all the reasons you made
up
are all old, dead & gone
trying being fruitless
& selling your time
they dont want a person
& they sure as hell dont want
your mind

[post]
the stench of sex stains
innocense;
the jagged tooth stuck in
my heart.
i could have been...
something,
but i fell down & couldnt get
back up

[bottom feeder]
every fibre in my body
every morsel of my soul
screams at me out loud from want
of something
i guess
i dont know...
form eloquent & quite useless words
thru my chapped lips & with no real point
to the empty walls of my room & board
for something
i guess
i dont know...

i once had a head and i
loved it too much
it would beg
to be fed & i
loved it too much
i would take it out & i
would tease it with touch
it loved to be played with
& i loved to play with it
& i
im afraid i
loved it too much

[mediocre attempt]
what do you want from me?
please tell me
specificly{sp?}
im not an idol to be worshipped
im not an ideal to be held
tho i do like to cuddle when
my mind starts to swell
my passion lays inside of that mind
its not very obvious and not very
kind
to others who try
like hell sometimes
but just see me as blind
over pretensions and
ALL
absolute's
but i wouldnt mind a shot
or two
with a little vermouth
it could clean me like the morning
sun
when i woke up
to me
alone

[stranger still]
the cat lies in direct sunlight
while i hide my face in a shadow
you treat me with your words
in quotations
as if you want to say something
well, then
say something
i can give and give
im quite capable of that
but whats the point
everyone walks away

[words are like daggers]
truely i am sorry if my words i sent to hurt you
found there mark and drove it home
with the point of my heart

[sober,what?]
so much for good tuesdays, things quickly turned bad
and you wouldnt surrender, on top of all that
she told me a story. i made it my life.
when she got all self-righteous.
i knew i was right.
so i came here this evening, cashed check & broke heart
to tell you im leaving - but just to my car.
somebody someday should tell me
what i dont want to know.
ive got no more to say to ya, baby
i gotta go.
i gotta go.
she told me how her friends say she should leave me to die
well she did and she didnt, depends from which side
she wronged me so often, but its easy to start
from the first lie she told me
when i gave her my heart.
so im drinking my whiskey; but i still miss your kiss
maybe someone will miss me...and find me like this
and just maybe they'll tell me
what i dont want to know
ive got no more to say to ya, baby
i gotta go.
yeah, i gotta go.

[polaroid]
drawn through the eyes of an old faded picture
wrapped in the gown of a stale wooden dream
i think that i saw -somewhere high above greenland
a reflection of someone quite alien to me
the thousands of roads ive been told would be open
to me
all of them blocked, successfuly -im in
quarentine!-
and im getting quite dizzy
from this constantly spinning
around & around & around & around...

referandum 'b'
im working hard on this problem,
dear. and im menatlly digesting
all of it. or, maybe im just plain
mental. but,
repeatedly you've spoken
about this glorious, long-lost
past.
just after we had first met and
for a while after that.
but i keep dodging some point
that thing that you speak of
so i thought that i might
just
try telling you why
i dont want to go backwards like
a drunken parade
this time that you talk so
enamorously about
at great lengths
while the words spin me round
disorienting me.
was when i had to
each morning
tell myself in the mirror
"dont get too attached"
due to all of the crap surrounding you
a rival lover
a troubled soul
a spotted past
-all of the 'crap'
this picture-perfect honeymoon-scene
you describe to me
when rattled out of MY memory
is when my heart was just mine
& nobody else's
you kept saying
"its okay. its love."& "just trust it."
and i was drowned in the waves of
a strongly felt passion
i was so goddamn afraid
---no, no; i was
terrified!
but you said
"its alright its alright its all right"
babe
and i
i believed in your freckled eyes
i gave myself fully
to
trust-love-believing.
okay so that thread was cut
by you
i am very aware of the
silly things people do.
but i cant carry on till this thread has been
mended.
and my trust is renewed
in you.
and my feeling have been tended
to.
im trying hard to hold on
way beyond
what most people say i should do
too!
help me
baby
PLEASE!!!
trust in me like i trust in you
trust in me
and from this baggage we'll be
free.

...shimmering light thru this darkness
by chance---
caught on a dew drop & cascaded down
like every one that still clings
to the rose in my hand...

[//:xmit v.2]
eyes of a seraphim
-shes a devil that one!
the path she leads me down
ive been down before
but, oh, that cherubic-baby-face!
-shes a devil that one!
she loves; gives me poison
she poisons my son
Arch-Angel---HEAVENLY BODY!!!
shes some kind of devil, that one!
if she knocked my front teeth in
it might make me cum!

[titans]
who is truth? where's honesty?
neither will run for the Presidency
fancy dressed marionettes
what we get instead
'how does this matter?'
cried, aloud, the Mad-Hatter
truth hides in shame because honesty got splattered
where has all the good deeds gone, un-rewarded
got stuck in a bi-partisan committee & thwarted
fools that sway almost any way
'think what i mean, not what i say!'
they even shot integrity
cant have that in the Presidency

[sometimes i get to be too much]
im sorry---so sorry, dear
i sometimes feel let down and i
succumb to this, The Fear
i kick and scream and curse and fight
atleast for the better part of the
first part of the night
meanwhile, later, it all seems so clear

yes, im trying to control these
wild outbursts of feelings of mine
with all these pills, all this whiskey
all this wine

[ill]
im sick in my soul
like im constantly dying
day in & day out
and even after 26 years, it
still hurts THAT BAD!
so that, i am paralysed.
with a faint shrug &
a sigh; i-
lock it all away
from you, the world at large.
i bow to make ready for my
emergency escape
"thank you & goodnight!"
i hear myself say
out loud
second door,
stage right.

[otra ves]
the night brought me mixed drinks
and feelings plenty. dined on the
atmosphere & the sure things
that we re there. a push in
the right direction, the
satisfaction of
my obsession.
left dangerously open, lying naked
like that. & the sight of your heart
makes me sad. never more than a
good idea anyway. just a thought.
as if wants could happen
& i'd be happy.

[woe is me part XXIII]
the familiar feeling of solitude
that ive nourished & delt with since i was
a young man
i ve thrown her out before
that i should find myself a partner
supposing i wanted more than just this
life of filthy words & the
private conversations that i keep
to myself
only to find i fail, like always
yes, its always me
my fault, my discrepency
my lack of heart
despite my holding it out for all the world to see!
i did the wrong
i fucked it up
& i am the one who goes now
off to be alone

[jungle rumble]
on a cozy concrete rooftop
above a busy city street
i watch the masses stirring about & all around
like busy little bee's
& when their paths cross or
intersect, in a multitude of ways
the abstracted flushed emotions
that everyone displays
they either:
laugh or cry
huf or fight
depending on some things
so i got down off that rooftop
it never was really mine
determined that i should find
the peculiarities that compose
the various human minds

[delusions of 'del']
remembering time passed in-
between sheets
probed by sensations & the
dark hum of electricity
when eyes lock tight
& clearly they can see
the past & future all rolled up in there
like a burrito just for me

[morbid distraction]
all this flesh, what you say is me
a pretty little flask carved out of meat
solely for amusement--oh yeah, thats me
the one inside a picture, tackling that tree
who gets lured in
by false sincerity
& somehow always offends & gets rejected by the
real thing
& who you seem to think is always being grumpy
whos peers can all agree
at least on one thing
he will always be a
nothing
yeah...
thats me.

[batcave:remembered]
violate my senses to the point
of suspension
sealing off every way to get in
my eyes go blank
pupils dialate
and then you can do
whatever you want with me
im just lucid not to be flaccid
its more than just a
filthy habbit
besides,
i know a worse one...
the torture/rape of all my
senses
has left me standing here
defenseless
a mercy kill now
just DO IT!
its far worse to let me go on
we've done that before
and i swore
"never again!"
so,
off with their heads!
so full of all them 'passionate feelings'
my heart is entombed while my brain's
on the ceiling
i know of no better way
to make it through today
but more than that
and far, far worse...

~Quote~of~the~Week~
"If I want excitement, I'll drink tequila."

[moo-oo-oo-n]
chasing after heaven's bounty:
---the moon!; it's beauty
so...
...captivating!
hanging low in the summer sky
it blinds! it blinds!

[you signed off]
we burned away the fever with those
hot & sweaty nights
painting vivid pictures where our smoke
hit the blue lights
we described in ornate detail
all the scars we have from life
& i lost myself completely
in the beauty of your eyes

but knowing just aint the same thing
as feeling pain & pleasure
oh god!--i hope tomorrow brings
more hospitable weather

remember all the good things
forget all the bad things
they just get in the way
and foul up the memory
like getting high
sniffing gasoline
remember to smile
some times just because
you may call it denial
others might call it love

...dooode...
....sean. where have you gone?
i dont know where you work anymore
and your cell phone's been shut off...
there's a 'bond' marathon on tv
dr. no's on...from russia with love's next!
i heard you and stacy are finally getting married
congratulations, my friend.
where are you buddy?
ive got a beer waiting for ya...

[cee]
i still have the spider-man thing you had me stick on my tongue
see? who said we never had fun?

[on the record]
can i still love you
for the record
i will despite if you say no
ive been foolish, ive been greedy
i am a dirty little whore
i get fucked up if i feel nervous
i get fucked up if i feel fine
this path i chose is reckless
but i follow every line
with a shot of something liquid
that warms me up inside
but this way is mine...
& i never thought it was
a good idea
for you to live this life i lead
but im selfish & i cant say no
besides, i like you next to me
yeah
i only thought of me...

but now you're driving off
out of here
and im left here
all alone

i picked this path a while back
it was a conscience decision that i made
see life, so-named, seems
unacceptable---or atleast that way to me!
all my friends they are my enimies
they think that i am really strange
they think that im quite stupid
or maybe mentally deranged!
but i will never change for them
no, ill never change; never change!

im so glad you've got your brother
quess we'll stay in touch that way
just maybe when you're ready, baby
you'll drive back home to be with me

[exile]
no one really cares about you
you sad, pathetic little man
you
said what was in your heart
while they took you all apart
broken is how they love you
a beaten man is what they need
your love's a cheap commodity
this town is full of boi's like you
now your just looking for someone
to treat you like you do
so how about a nice fat line?
a nice OD, pushed to ICU
until your DOA in the
OC
lol
muthafuckas

[?!?]
what can i say that i havent said
1000 times before
you do what you want or feel or
whatever
i can applaud you at that
its all well and good
unless
it directly contradicts what
atleast i thought
was understood.

so what am i supposed to think
or do?
its always been not up to me
but YOU!


...


fine!
fuck it! i give in!
im sick of feeling all this pain!
im going back to being numb again.
im just not going to give a fuck!
about
anyone
or anything.
like i used to be...
or i tried atleast...
but thats good enough for me.

[take these soft hands]
daylight-creeping ugly as i drive without my head
i dont know what i could be thinking
i guess i must not have been
tomorrow's always peaking pretty around another midnight
binge...
sitting here in damn-near-coma space
with my artificial wind blowing my superficial face
im hungry for an animal;
a wild beast beyond control
plays with me
wont let me go
but intoxicated i guess works best
beyond the four-walls of this
my head
with purer thoughts & uncut sin
can once again
take command, offering veiled redemtion
valid in the eyes of they who know the why...
there is that thing that i feel i must follow
the guiding lines & pills i swallow
my faith is faith that here's always tomorrow
another goddamn glorious day.