[uncanny]

but first..
is it all worth it?
i know im not the first one to look at things the way i do. nor is my outlook unique. but the answers they all offer never seem to fit. square pegs in round holes and such. they offer guidance with the assurance of "ive been there before" but this is my personal hell and thus no one could have nor will ever be here. i am utterly alone in this. no one can offer petty advice that wont seem cheap and more for their own benefit, as if to say, "hey, man, im trying to help". and yes its nice that you're trying but if you cant really help than just shake your head and say you dont know. or dont even bother asking me whats wrong in the first place. thats were the general trouble with other people starts is when they pretend they care and ask you whats wrong and if you honestly answer them you get those "you're a fucking nutcase" looks or they go off about how they themselves have been having a shitty week because they think one of their multiple girlfriends is cheating on them and how the other one is starting to suspect they are. does this help me to answer the impending question? no, goddamnit!
but i stray. but atleast it helps to tell how social interactions do not help when dealing with such thoughts. no one i know really takes the time to get to know someone so that dealing with another human being is always shallow and trivial and can strain when more important matters are pressing. or maybe i just dont give a fuck enough.

...and now:



[in parenthesis]
tut!-tut!-be silent or be still!
all these lightbulbs------------wasted!
but, oh!
if looks could kill.
would that danger pranced to the
tune of the tulip-dancers clogs.
on bored-board-walks
suspended
FIFTY-EIGHT!!!stories over
desert wasted-land (home)
or if meaning hung like mistle toe;
schemeing tongue of the neighborhood
whore
often wondered in fragment sentences
using big-lofty-words; no ones ever heard
since the ending cries of the
Crimean War
tut-tut & a hush-hush to ya'
baby
on one likes a tattle-tale, is what
you're telling me?
hardy-fuckin'-har-har
oh so boring minds compared to...
great big bombs of boredom
never failed.
faith in other times...
but, oh!
if looks could kill...
instead of pills
a force of wills
apple pie on a window
sill
then i'd be the Man
for sure!
and listen to my a-bombs
purr