[see it; fuck it ---no, not literally...]
gathered up strength & pulled it right off (i think; i hope; it
certainly appears so...)
spending way too much time these days (more & more, i think),
i feel ---just trying to explain this thing to those who
really -DO- want whats best for me (even accept by blasphemy,
that is: doing what i feel; not just disregarding their input
& ideas...but telling them to take off & shove it; "better
learn to love it!", i say in my daft deft way...
bending them over backwards, hands tied ---feet too! blindfolded, gagged,
naked...for what? for YOU?!? that's the kind of shit i abso-friggin-lutely
LOATH that you do ---when it's me it's being done to
i become such a thing! oh, i disgust me!
but if i refrain and speak straight ---say some lame, vain perception
how it's all "really great", with little to nothing to substantiate
such a claim...
i watch their eyes roll (like yours often do) & i know what is coming...
the mere thought of it now is so...
utterly MIND-NUMBING!!!
&, as it's oft to do at such a moment as i describe: i am reminded of
you--- your misleading,your half-truths, & your out-right LIES
you do not brave the perils which i speak of here-in...no,
you don't even make mention of me to your family & friends...
they hold some bitterness, some animosity towards me you say but never
describe or say why; just that you are too scared to be under their
critical eye; judging you, feeling sorry for you, even being angry at you
for being what they deem a fool...
no, no, no...not once have you even TRIED now have you?
stood out, with & for; the heart full of feelings you claim are for me
is for me; all for me...
but it all depends on your constantly changing mood-swings
and only seems to be when you need something from me
when your ego's been built up, when you're on top of your game
you blindly, dispassionately, unknowing & uncaring -ly cause me
immeasurable pain
escalated by my flailing reactions to this mind-boggling hurt ---it only gets worse!
or if i play it cool, like i don't give a shit; just like you...
well, then you impose so distorted view ---