[just rosey]
feel my heart pumping
& a warm glow rising there.
a simple fool is all i
aspire
to be
in the harboring shadows
of this rosey city

drink too much----
never have money;
dont drink enough----
i go out of my mind.
the dreaded (much needed)
sober time

resting on my laurels
you must know i tried
(didnt i?)
now
all i feel is deplorable
cannot hide
i am an imbecile
too much of the fool
to be cool

dont take away from the
sun-screen
day-dream
air brushed men's magazine
line 'em all up, baby
1-2-3...
' say im sorry
'cause
GOD
im sorry.

[happenin' happiness]
remember madness
but dream in hues
of
blanket happiness
(like others do).
keep
to heart
all
forgotten days (dazed);
but keep apart from
sun-shine rays
of hope.
cope with the ashes
strewn on the ground.
remember madness------
but surround yourself with
blanket happiness.

[words that do what]
an inconsistant murmour of words
is all that i am, sometimes.
sometimes im a fuckin' genius!;
the life of the party & the
man
who gets things done.
sometimes im a flake; a
foolish fool/ pathetic drunken
waste of
a life thats both
bitter
& oh so sweet...
...
distorted drama lens' barely
see;
barely cognitive
in my
revery.
an inconsistant murmour of words
sometimes
is all i really
need.

[drowning in my own vomitus]
give me something good----------
& i will fuck it up.
its a promise & a threat; &
a pre-emptive attempt
for the shit-ridden maelstrom
that will most certainly ensue.
(little more than my
standard
half-assed excuse)
build no expectations; up or
otherwise;
expose myself, too early (maybe)
to feel like ive nothing
to hide
im a sinner, a mongrel,
a bastard (whore)
im my mothers worst nightmare
(a stain on the floor)
give me something beautiful,
bright, shinny, & clean-----
i will
mangle, destroy, decimate, ruin
it (indeed)
trust in me.

[love me]
losing
another day to
madness
chock it up to
sleeping
eyes that never close...
i'm
hopelessly peculiar
not another
danger
swear upon my honor...
once i was a
teacher
with thoughts about
forever
languished in the evening
forgetful like you know
me...
taking in both handfuls
better off than most
fools
worry about the
feeling
distracting me from doing...
all these
good things
(meanings)
that which cant replace
that look
on your sweet face.
love of my life
with freckled eyes...

[stigmata]
to you...
i write this letter
in the name of all that is good & holy
(but i know we can do better)
this has nothing to do with
anything holy
im looking out for you
(my baby)
these times are mastered
by
those who might not know a
goddamn thing
(i might emit sounds to
echo
my reasons)
do nothing drastic, my love
(my darling)
dont sacrifice your place in the world
(please?)
i need to know that my thoughts wont end
with me.
this past they have told us
(in failed attempts to try &
hold us)
does little more than embold
us;
will of equals, pride of none
quite benieth us (all little ones)
nothing left of some tribal
conquest
but you & me;
you
& i
---we must heal.


waiting patiently
on drugs?---maybe
mind so diseased
the demon he knows
needs
to be pleased...
object conceived
(end with reprieve)
awash in your fleas
(awake in the sea)
the foam, make-believe
breathe, baby,
breathe

[like a teenage boy]
punishment ensues
(a lack of you in my life)
corporal punishment
all the life we loose
(i said i was sorry, & meant it too!)
unreciprocated motion unwinds
the inner-workings;
time.
feels like a bamboo cane is being
taken to my insides.
(i want to make things
right)
but who am i?
(except the one you said you
loved)
& by
what right do i speak?
too many images sometimes
(makes it harder to breathe)
so do you, or dont you?
(make love as big as an ocean)
say you do
& i will too.
i miss you.

[crying out thru a dark heart]
true stars seem less bright
in the day time
penetrating
ethereal light
no one save me
no one save me
linger on behind closed eyes
all the damn time
devastating
ethereal light
no one save me
no one save me
make believe i can be
all right
some time
always waiting
ethereal light
no one save me
no one save me

[miss le sigh]
take a deep breath...
inhale the city life.
the star lights at
midnight
---humming;
the last train running.
i close my eyes...
feel the urban plight.
the same girl always asks me
for a
buck twenty-five (every other night)
i stopped carrying extra smokes and change
---i even told her my name---
but she never seems to
recognize
my face.
this IS the human race;
as i live to learn
another day.

{...from 'DETAILS'; dated 2/05}[this means you]
do you feel it? that
uncertainty?
that vague sense of feeling
out-of-control
that you feel without
thinking about
it.
but you always know
its there.
it coincides with all the
butter-flys
tickling you in your belly.
that warm drink, like
liquor, when i
look in your eyes.
the buckling knees giving
way...
the intense feeling to hold you
& never let go.
wrap you in my arms
&
cry out into the storm
"this is
mine!
just this one little thing!
God!--dont you dare even
think
to take this from me!"
dont damn me again,
im already damned
you old fool
my good man
but seriously though,
make this the real thing
please
forever & stuff
im hooked on this feeling
that can only be
love

[for serious]
so that my name
be not
defamed
on the lips of those
who blamed
me...
for all that i may
be
(in the space-land of my
dreams)
as you once saw me

for sheez-
ee

baby

say you remember, say
you still know

please?

[blocked]
drop the point & just
stay happy
see them stars & the
spaces in-between.
proclaim my own greatness
to ethreal gods
of mars
speak some words &
leave me in the morning.
goddess lays naked (but
just for the moment)
spent.
spared from the spoils of another
tumultuous
toil
raging (right now) in my belly
foiled the plans of the
invisible man
short of breath, the
little death
i fell apart in your eyes.

[domo ari gato]
do you ever get the call
to dissappear?
do you ever feel
as i sometimes feel?
the brutal longing for the
blank abyss,
the quiet ocean of nothingness?
do you fear as i do?
insurmountable,
indescribable,
unavoidable fear.
blanket of pure cold &
so many damn questions
squashing hope in complete
oppression.
left alone to feel its weight,
wishing for an end that never fucking comes...
left alone to live
alone
another god-damned day

[bull]
milk of magnesia, smoothered in rum
for sweetness' sake; a great big
mistake
really in love with the famed
lady of the lake
too many issues; case taken in point
joint cessation
of all known sensation
too many fingers stained red by
Kool-Aid
registered trademark, pass-coded
influence
whores of lost knowledge
act out as kids
all seen thru the eyes of my
television...

-------*
why are you so vengeful?
does your anger keep you warm at night?
is that other bed not as warm?
why be so angry?
i didnt lie to you, that was left
to that lettle bitch
you call your friend.

[primitive]
in search of a destiny
i will pursue, to
the ends of the earth,
ruthlessly (if need be).
it's all about BEING
not just persons guess at
the 'best'
me.
no,
it's all about BEING
what I
want to be, y' see?!?
frankly,
it annoys the shit outta me
hearing people spew forth vomitus
incomplete sentences
about my potentiality
what do they know of my hopes
& dreams?
& other things unknown to anyone
but
me?
all they can see is what i could mean
to them.
its a fucking problem.
but their fucking problem
want a 'safe & secure' thing?
want a man with a dream?
want a boy who could be
any-thing?
love lost in the TV screen
beamed directly into the cranium
no one gives two shits
unless calculated
with what they get.
i will hold my thing...
no,------
my dream (you sicko)
that which makes me
ME
& you will all know
when finally you see
all along
i knew what i was doing.

[hear ye, hear ye!]
...apparently, last night, brian went international...
i was called 'kusotare'
...and told look it up

[blanket babies]
so callously beautiful, a love
soon clean.
so tenderly scorned; but who is it
who bleeds?
closed green peep'ers counting little
baby sheep;
hop-skip-jump; baby's gone...
where? direction wrong.
hold my hallow hollow brain
revved up in third gear
numb from the waist down &
not holding the wheel...
nothing is so real.
stand aside for vanity-vision
left to just float-float
away
nothing so sure as my
sanitary-sanity.
why live only to fight another day?
circled in by savage sychophantic slobbering
clowns
succumb to all the lies that weigh one
down
hold my place, beside The Face,
sweet sweet
elephant;
all thoughts make haste to run-run
away
while i cover-up my eyes...
on a string & just float-float
away
nothing so dasteredly disasterous
save my salvation-sanity
why try to live if
only to fight another day?

...flying high with attitude
see the road, clear now; so
where are you?

[seems i have no worth]
past live makes visions smile
once seen
but not obscene
since becoming lost like so many
little puppies
out in the cold cold all
alone
makes me glad for my family
mother, father
brothers with arms
no more fucked-up then any others
ive encountered
& boy----------!
have i seen some doosies;
now pushing up daisies
cut fresh & left to scent around
town
& to linger on & on & on...
random faint whiff of air
a not untraceable puf of hair
over where?!
say it like you care!!!
---goddamnit
& fuck this, by the very same
way
pushing through to be okay

[verbal dysentery]
...a trailing edge; the faintest whiff of smoke
like a wraith, slowly curls from her lips
ruby red and pursed; ready to be kissed atlast
one long night lingers on & on
across an aisle of pine & the spaces in-between
can i stare at you with my cinema eyes?
clearly focused on you. probbing you deeper;
like never before in your whole damn life...!
(a little exorcise might do me right)
c'mon, you sweet pretty thing; just a faint
peek-a-boo of a smile from you.
c'mon
show me your dimples
yeah, thats right...

{quote of the week}
"you work out the
physics
i'll work out the momentum;
wait.
thats kinda romantic"

///:end

the hope thought to be had
as if such a thing
could
be had.
swollen lonesome wet-dream
a bit more like it.
the bitter, scented scream---
ugh!!!!!orgasmic!
:)
wholesome in its over-tones
they higher you reach
the more you moan.
so...
say it aint so?!
forget me
...& i'll go.
but in those secret places
in the back of your
throat;
you'll know...
you'll know.

..........................XMIT//: