[words are like daggers]
truely i am sorry if my words i sent to hurt you
found there mark and drove it home
with the point of my heart

[sober,what?]
so much for good tuesdays, things quickly turned bad
and you wouldnt surrender, on top of all that
she told me a story. i made it my life.
when she got all self-righteous.
i knew i was right.
so i came here this evening, cashed check & broke heart
to tell you im leaving - but just to my car.
somebody someday should tell me
what i dont want to know.
ive got no more to say to ya, baby
i gotta go.
i gotta go.
she told me how her friends say she should leave me to die
well she did and she didnt, depends from which side
she wronged me so often, but its easy to start
from the first lie she told me
when i gave her my heart.
so im drinking my whiskey; but i still miss your kiss
maybe someone will miss me...and find me like this
and just maybe they'll tell me
what i dont want to know
ive got no more to say to ya, baby
i gotta go.
yeah, i gotta go.

[polaroid]
drawn through the eyes of an old faded picture
wrapped in the gown of a stale wooden dream
i think that i saw -somewhere high above greenland
a reflection of someone quite alien to me
the thousands of roads ive been told would be open
to me
all of them blocked, successfuly -im in
quarentine!-
and im getting quite dizzy
from this constantly spinning
around & around & around & around...

referandum 'b'
im working hard on this problem,
dear. and im menatlly digesting
all of it. or, maybe im just plain
mental. but,
repeatedly you've spoken
about this glorious, long-lost
past.
just after we had first met and
for a while after that.
but i keep dodging some point
that thing that you speak of
so i thought that i might
just
try telling you why
i dont want to go backwards like
a drunken parade
this time that you talk so
enamorously about
at great lengths
while the words spin me round
disorienting me.
was when i had to
each morning
tell myself in the mirror
"dont get too attached"
due to all of the crap surrounding you
a rival lover
a troubled soul
a spotted past
-all of the 'crap'
this picture-perfect honeymoon-scene
you describe to me
when rattled out of MY memory
is when my heart was just mine
& nobody else's
you kept saying
"its okay. its love."& "just trust it."
and i was drowned in the waves of
a strongly felt passion
i was so goddamn afraid
---no, no; i was
terrified!
but you said
"its alright its alright its all right"
babe
and i
i believed in your freckled eyes
i gave myself fully
to
trust-love-believing.
okay so that thread was cut
by you
i am very aware of the
silly things people do.
but i cant carry on till this thread has been
mended.
and my trust is renewed
in you.
and my feeling have been tended
to.
im trying hard to hold on
way beyond
what most people say i should do
too!
help me
baby
PLEASE!!!
trust in me like i trust in you
trust in me
and from this baggage we'll be
free.

...shimmering light thru this darkness
by chance---
caught on a dew drop & cascaded down
like every one that still clings
to the rose in my hand...

[//:xmit v.2]
eyes of a seraphim
-shes a devil that one!
the path she leads me down
ive been down before
but, oh, that cherubic-baby-face!
-shes a devil that one!
she loves; gives me poison
she poisons my son
Arch-Angel---HEAVENLY BODY!!!
shes some kind of devil, that one!
if she knocked my front teeth in
it might make me cum!

[titans]
who is truth? where's honesty?
neither will run for the Presidency
fancy dressed marionettes
what we get instead
'how does this matter?'
cried, aloud, the Mad-Hatter
truth hides in shame because honesty got splattered
where has all the good deeds gone, un-rewarded
got stuck in a bi-partisan committee & thwarted
fools that sway almost any way
'think what i mean, not what i say!'
they even shot integrity
cant have that in the Presidency

[sometimes i get to be too much]
im sorry---so sorry, dear
i sometimes feel let down and i
succumb to this, The Fear
i kick and scream and curse and fight
atleast for the better part of the
first part of the night
meanwhile, later, it all seems so clear

yes, im trying to control these
wild outbursts of feelings of mine
with all these pills, all this whiskey
all this wine

[ill]
im sick in my soul
like im constantly dying
day in & day out
and even after 26 years, it
still hurts THAT BAD!
so that, i am paralysed.
with a faint shrug &
a sigh; i-
lock it all away
from you, the world at large.
i bow to make ready for my
emergency escape
"thank you & goodnight!"
i hear myself say
out loud
second door,
stage right.

[otra ves]
the night brought me mixed drinks
and feelings plenty. dined on the
atmosphere & the sure things
that we re there. a push in
the right direction, the
satisfaction of
my obsession.
left dangerously open, lying naked
like that. & the sight of your heart
makes me sad. never more than a
good idea anyway. just a thought.
as if wants could happen
& i'd be happy.

[woe is me part XXIII]
the familiar feeling of solitude
that ive nourished & delt with since i was
a young man
i ve thrown her out before
that i should find myself a partner
supposing i wanted more than just this
life of filthy words & the
private conversations that i keep
to myself
only to find i fail, like always
yes, its always me
my fault, my discrepency
my lack of heart
despite my holding it out for all the world to see!
i did the wrong
i fucked it up
& i am the one who goes now
off to be alone

[jungle rumble]
on a cozy concrete rooftop
above a busy city street
i watch the masses stirring about & all around
like busy little bee's
& when their paths cross or
intersect, in a multitude of ways
the abstracted flushed emotions
that everyone displays
they either:
laugh or cry
huf or fight
depending on some things
so i got down off that rooftop
it never was really mine
determined that i should find
the peculiarities that compose
the various human minds

[delusions of 'del']
remembering time passed in-
between sheets
probed by sensations & the
dark hum of electricity
when eyes lock tight
& clearly they can see
the past & future all rolled up in there
like a burrito just for me

[morbid distraction]
all this flesh, what you say is me
a pretty little flask carved out of meat
solely for amusement--oh yeah, thats me
the one inside a picture, tackling that tree
who gets lured in
by false sincerity
& somehow always offends & gets rejected by the
real thing
& who you seem to think is always being grumpy
whos peers can all agree
at least on one thing
he will always be a
nothing
yeah...
thats me.

[batcave:remembered]
violate my senses to the point
of suspension
sealing off every way to get in
my eyes go blank
pupils dialate
and then you can do
whatever you want with me
im just lucid not to be flaccid
its more than just a
filthy habbit
besides,
i know a worse one...
the torture/rape of all my
senses
has left me standing here
defenseless
a mercy kill now
just DO IT!
its far worse to let me go on
we've done that before
and i swore
"never again!"
so,
off with their heads!
so full of all them 'passionate feelings'
my heart is entombed while my brain's
on the ceiling
i know of no better way
to make it through today
but more than that
and far, far worse...

~Quote~of~the~Week~
"If I want excitement, I'll drink tequila."

[moo-oo-oo-n]
chasing after heaven's bounty:
---the moon!; it's beauty
so...
...captivating!
hanging low in the summer sky
it blinds! it blinds!

[you signed off]
we burned away the fever with those
hot & sweaty nights
painting vivid pictures where our smoke
hit the blue lights
we described in ornate detail
all the scars we have from life
& i lost myself completely
in the beauty of your eyes

but knowing just aint the same thing
as feeling pain & pleasure
oh god!--i hope tomorrow brings
more hospitable weather

remember all the good things
forget all the bad things
they just get in the way
and foul up the memory
like getting high
sniffing gasoline
remember to smile
some times just because
you may call it denial
others might call it love

...dooode...
....sean. where have you gone?
i dont know where you work anymore
and your cell phone's been shut off...
there's a 'bond' marathon on tv
dr. no's on...from russia with love's next!
i heard you and stacy are finally getting married
congratulations, my friend.
where are you buddy?
ive got a beer waiting for ya...

[cee]
i still have the spider-man thing you had me stick on my tongue
see? who said we never had fun?

[on the record]
can i still love you
for the record
i will despite if you say no
ive been foolish, ive been greedy
i am a dirty little whore
i get fucked up if i feel nervous
i get fucked up if i feel fine
this path i chose is reckless
but i follow every line
with a shot of something liquid
that warms me up inside
but this way is mine...
& i never thought it was
a good idea
for you to live this life i lead
but im selfish & i cant say no
besides, i like you next to me
yeah
i only thought of me...

but now you're driving off
out of here
and im left here
all alone

i picked this path a while back
it was a conscience decision that i made
see life, so-named, seems
unacceptable---or atleast that way to me!
all my friends they are my enimies
they think that i am really strange
they think that im quite stupid
or maybe mentally deranged!
but i will never change for them
no, ill never change; never change!

im so glad you've got your brother
quess we'll stay in touch that way
just maybe when you're ready, baby
you'll drive back home to be with me

[exile]
no one really cares about you
you sad, pathetic little man
you
said what was in your heart
while they took you all apart
broken is how they love you
a beaten man is what they need
your love's a cheap commodity
this town is full of boi's like you
now your just looking for someone
to treat you like you do
so how about a nice fat line?
a nice OD, pushed to ICU
until your DOA in the
OC
lol
muthafuckas