[love me]
losing
another day to
madness
chock it up to
sleeping
eyes that never close...
i'm
hopelessly peculiar
not another
danger
swear upon my honor...
once i was a
teacher
with thoughts about
forever
languished in the evening
forgetful like you know
me...
taking in both handfuls
better off than most
fools
worry about the
feeling
distracting me from doing...
all these
good things
(meanings)
that which cant replace
that look
on your sweet face.
love of my life
with freckled eyes...

[stigmata]
to you...
i write this letter
in the name of all that is good & holy
(but i know we can do better)
this has nothing to do with
anything holy
im looking out for you
(my baby)
these times are mastered
by
those who might not know a
goddamn thing
(i might emit sounds to
echo
my reasons)
do nothing drastic, my love
(my darling)
dont sacrifice your place in the world
(please?)
i need to know that my thoughts wont end
with me.
this past they have told us
(in failed attempts to try &
hold us)
does little more than embold
us;
will of equals, pride of none
quite benieth us (all little ones)
nothing left of some tribal
conquest
but you & me;
you
& i
---we must heal.


waiting patiently
on drugs?---maybe
mind so diseased
the demon he knows
needs
to be pleased...
object conceived
(end with reprieve)
awash in your fleas
(awake in the sea)
the foam, make-believe
breathe, baby,
breathe

[like a teenage boy]
punishment ensues
(a lack of you in my life)
corporal punishment
all the life we loose
(i said i was sorry, & meant it too!)
unreciprocated motion unwinds
the inner-workings;
time.
feels like a bamboo cane is being
taken to my insides.
(i want to make things
right)
but who am i?
(except the one you said you
loved)
& by
what right do i speak?
too many images sometimes
(makes it harder to breathe)
so do you, or dont you?
(make love as big as an ocean)
say you do
& i will too.
i miss you.

[crying out thru a dark heart]
true stars seem less bright
in the day time
penetrating
ethereal light
no one save me
no one save me
linger on behind closed eyes
all the damn time
devastating
ethereal light
no one save me
no one save me
make believe i can be
all right
some time
always waiting
ethereal light
no one save me
no one save me

[miss le sigh]
take a deep breath...
inhale the city life.
the star lights at
midnight
---humming;
the last train running.
i close my eyes...
feel the urban plight.
the same girl always asks me
for a
buck twenty-five (every other night)
i stopped carrying extra smokes and change
---i even told her my name---
but she never seems to
recognize
my face.
this IS the human race;
as i live to learn
another day.

{...from 'DETAILS'; dated 2/05}[this means you]
do you feel it? that
uncertainty?
that vague sense of feeling
out-of-control
that you feel without
thinking about
it.
but you always know
its there.
it coincides with all the
butter-flys
tickling you in your belly.
that warm drink, like
liquor, when i
look in your eyes.
the buckling knees giving
way...
the intense feeling to hold you
& never let go.
wrap you in my arms
&
cry out into the storm
"this is
mine!
just this one little thing!
God!--dont you dare even
think
to take this from me!"
dont damn me again,
im already damned
you old fool
my good man
but seriously though,
make this the real thing
please
forever & stuff
im hooked on this feeling
that can only be
love

[for serious]
so that my name
be not
defamed
on the lips of those
who blamed
me...
for all that i may
be
(in the space-land of my
dreams)
as you once saw me

for sheez-
ee

baby

say you remember, say
you still know

please?

[blocked]
drop the point & just
stay happy
see them stars & the
spaces in-between.
proclaim my own greatness
to ethreal gods
of mars
speak some words &
leave me in the morning.
goddess lays naked (but
just for the moment)
spent.
spared from the spoils of another
tumultuous
toil
raging (right now) in my belly
foiled the plans of the
invisible man
short of breath, the
little death
i fell apart in your eyes.

[domo ari gato]
do you ever get the call
to dissappear?
do you ever feel
as i sometimes feel?
the brutal longing for the
blank abyss,
the quiet ocean of nothingness?
do you fear as i do?
insurmountable,
indescribable,
unavoidable fear.
blanket of pure cold &
so many damn questions
squashing hope in complete
oppression.
left alone to feel its weight,
wishing for an end that never fucking comes...
left alone to live
alone
another god-damned day

[bull]
milk of magnesia, smoothered in rum
for sweetness' sake; a great big
mistake
really in love with the famed
lady of the lake
too many issues; case taken in point
joint cessation
of all known sensation
too many fingers stained red by
Kool-Aid
registered trademark, pass-coded
influence
whores of lost knowledge
act out as kids
all seen thru the eyes of my
television...

-------*
why are you so vengeful?
does your anger keep you warm at night?
is that other bed not as warm?
why be so angry?
i didnt lie to you, that was left
to that lettle bitch
you call your friend.

[primitive]
in search of a destiny
i will pursue, to
the ends of the earth,
ruthlessly (if need be).
it's all about BEING
not just persons guess at
the 'best'
me.
no,
it's all about BEING
what I
want to be, y' see?!?
frankly,
it annoys the shit outta me
hearing people spew forth vomitus
incomplete sentences
about my potentiality
what do they know of my hopes
& dreams?
& other things unknown to anyone
but
me?
all they can see is what i could mean
to them.
its a fucking problem.
but their fucking problem
want a 'safe & secure' thing?
want a man with a dream?
want a boy who could be
any-thing?
love lost in the TV screen
beamed directly into the cranium
no one gives two shits
unless calculated
with what they get.
i will hold my thing...
no,------
my dream (you sicko)
that which makes me
ME
& you will all know
when finally you see
all along
i knew what i was doing.

[hear ye, hear ye!]
...apparently, last night, brian went international...
i was called 'kusotare'
...and told look it up

[blanket babies]
so callously beautiful, a love
soon clean.
so tenderly scorned; but who is it
who bleeds?
closed green peep'ers counting little
baby sheep;
hop-skip-jump; baby's gone...
where? direction wrong.
hold my hallow hollow brain
revved up in third gear
numb from the waist down &
not holding the wheel...
nothing is so real.
stand aside for vanity-vision
left to just float-float
away
nothing so sure as my
sanitary-sanity.
why live only to fight another day?
circled in by savage sychophantic slobbering
clowns
succumb to all the lies that weigh one
down
hold my place, beside The Face,
sweet sweet
elephant;
all thoughts make haste to run-run
away
while i cover-up my eyes...
on a string & just float-float
away
nothing so dasteredly disasterous
save my salvation-sanity
why try to live if
only to fight another day?

...flying high with attitude
see the road, clear now; so
where are you?

[seems i have no worth]
past live makes visions smile
once seen
but not obscene
since becoming lost like so many
little puppies
out in the cold cold all
alone
makes me glad for my family
mother, father
brothers with arms
no more fucked-up then any others
ive encountered
& boy----------!
have i seen some doosies;
now pushing up daisies
cut fresh & left to scent around
town
& to linger on & on & on...
random faint whiff of air
a not untraceable puf of hair
over where?!
say it like you care!!!
---goddamnit
& fuck this, by the very same
way
pushing through to be okay

[verbal dysentery]
...a trailing edge; the faintest whiff of smoke
like a wraith, slowly curls from her lips
ruby red and pursed; ready to be kissed atlast
one long night lingers on & on
across an aisle of pine & the spaces in-between
can i stare at you with my cinema eyes?
clearly focused on you. probbing you deeper;
like never before in your whole damn life...!
(a little exorcise might do me right)
c'mon, you sweet pretty thing; just a faint
peek-a-boo of a smile from you.
c'mon
show me your dimples
yeah, thats right...

{quote of the week}
"you work out the
physics
i'll work out the momentum;
wait.
thats kinda romantic"

///:end

the hope thought to be had
as if such a thing
could
be had.
swollen lonesome wet-dream
a bit more like it.
the bitter, scented scream---
ugh!!!!!orgasmic!
:)
wholesome in its over-tones
they higher you reach
the more you moan.
so...
say it aint so?!
forget me
...& i'll go.
but in those secret places
in the back of your
throat;
you'll know...
you'll know.

..........................XMIT//:

[bit-part]
i watched & as expected
the left-hand-side of it hit
square on
(sacred scars can do no harm)
the child flew from its
mothers womb
patience, child
too much! too soon!
everything depends on you
dislodged & dismembered by a
backward moon
forward march
april, may-----!
meet me in june

[thales cries]
in my imagination
i know this girl
dont know if she luv's me
or is just
in love with my world
she whispers to me
softly
words ive wanted to hear so badly
something quite sadistic in this
mad-mad-imagining
well, never mind
never tell
already musta figured out
that this life
IS HELL
i saw a vision once when i was
damn-near comatose
, & laughing!
haha-ha-ha-ha!
something fucking twisted in this
mad-mad-imagining.

[tell, william; tell...]
william sits and hes alone
his faced pressed to the sunlight
a child in a candy store
-ish
he is happy for this moment
in this space to call his own
all he has is fought & won for
in his wonder-years
on a battle-field
crying foreign tongue
blasted past that followed after
another god-damned American Disaster
william
sits and rolls another smoke
in the city of the rose
listen to her heave & moan
he is happy in this moment
in his happy little home
but all the grandoise fools
in-passing
they will never know.

[sub]
sent to death & by my own bare ass
(lost shock value in statement)
believe every word ever said
even felt a slight tingle of excitement
---how 'bout THAT!
deluded by default & some
faulty wiring
i suppose
(i proposed!)
just another wire hanging on
though
i dont want to change a thing
not my underwear or that burnt-out
lightbulb
(if i bring light, then am i God?)
it never ends if its no ones fault
had ME fooled, so
i guess thats a start
sheath that sword, baby
or
cut out my heart.

[super-duper]


Jovial


Stellar

[open memorandum]
ok...start!:
to whom it may concern,
the man to whom you may refer
as ---!
is disinclined to decline your request
for an offer
but
seems, rather, perturbed by
some
things heard
by those to whom it may concern
who,
in turn,
informed the man to whom you may refer
as ---!
with certain improprieties mentioned
thus
we disengage the acting trust
preferring astral wonder-lust

ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
sincerely,
yours truly.

[shy away]
do you remember the day-dream?
all that
bubble-gum & ice-cream
too?
i may have been
hallucinating,
its true...
point taken;
through the chest (someone
said it'd be best)
if i forsake & forgo
all these
obscenely fat sentences, then
(baby, please)
know what lives inside of me.

==

a picture-portrait of all the
little things
some obscure
all quite damaging
to me
to you
and...
YES---!
i am that fool
the asshole ive always claimed to
be
(nothing more would just be
lame)
nothing less
certainly
am i, now, to pay
all them by-gone sins of
yesterday
coughed up in foriegn currency
& i would most gladly
but
atleast
there may be nothing that
i need
not like this
not like that
too little too late
i make my great escape

[from Addict]
...the point was taken. a slight jab to the arm. looked away, over-shot. had to go in again.
some say that it was inevitable, THIS was inevitable. fall back in cinema style. curl the taste from the back of the mouth, bring it forward to the sweet spots on the tongue.
hogwash!
i say it now as ive said it then, everything; EVERYTHING!!! i chose to do. i wanted to. i made whatever excuse i could use, and it felt good. but i knew the demon well-enough by the time i sat there, dilated and smiling. sam came out of the back room having gone off to shoot into his ass-fat. the shuffle of his walk and the smile on his face said he too was in a happy place.
we talked. we smoked. and he was right, that vomiting that happens when you first start going...it was quik and easy. just like when being drunk and thankful to be emptying your guts of rot-gut wine. out went my mcdonalds cheeseburgers, fries, and coke.
sam just kept on talking.
then he nodded off. i looked up and saw the sky. tainted orange from street-lights. i couldnt see orion.
the next shot a few hours later did better. doubled the dose.
i saw stars.
friggin stars, man.
it was beautiful.
...sam showed me how to clean and care for my rig before i left. keep the cottons, for a later date. gave me my cut of what we had purchased, sent me on my way. we both knew i'd be back...

[home, not home]
city cold
come warm dead bones
as the flesh succombs to all these years
melt away
deteriorate
everything
now i lost the thing i had
to stay

[manufacturers warning]
what is that frantic ranting of
emergency---
urgency.
dialed to a tone.
it makes me make
faces
and a thought like outer---
spaces
on the checkered-bored-game
that IS
this would-be life of
obessive strife.
of mine, atleast. it seems
that
anyway, or
every which---bewitching! way
i supposed...
no matter WHICH goddamned road.
i choose---i chose
it never is the right way
always turning left
all the way to way, way down
one cant make a fool
of a
self-proclaimed clown
with crowns and thorns and
implied best thoughts
(we must not be swayed by
little things)
this can be done properly
guiding light of guidelines of property
ancient earths hold ancient truths
& so so do you
but i do too
by straight-up numbers----
are ye numb yet?!
the conclusion follows the bleeding
point
self-confessed, professed, and
left for dead.
didnt want to hear what i couldve said.
ashes, dust, mold, & rust
the whole-ly un-holy
by no other name still lies...
say its self-sacrifice

[real]
was it all just a dream?
these years line up seem
so
menacing.
life is work and not just
play-things
if i offered up silence would you
still dare to think?
presumption is the mother of all
fuck-ups
all this and more
i know
i know enough to know
i know nothing at all

[hilarious]
DHMO
join the cause...
today!

[tout le monde]
the sky is falling!
the sky is falling!
but i am not afraid,
my darling.
wash my hands in
blood-red sky; the
saintly sky---
birthplace of all thats defined
divine.
inspiration, bullet-proof temptation
captivate the popular population
& then----!
enslave them!
mutiny of masters lost on the
crapper.
spectacular disaster
-prone to fits of weakness after.
cast adrift in this
woeful sea of drunken sodomized
hypocrites.
rudderless.
-& quite a mess & missing.
all in grim analogy.

[shoot me? shoot you!]
time gears crunch & grind; the Man always
comes
but in his own good time.
---3 more exits left to exsist.
knowing his effect, he
blantantly disrespects the Machinery;
the moving parts of the living thing.
tic-toc; grumble-growl
that great big cock loose
and prowlin' 'round.
burned the best things i ever had
burning eyes; son of my dad.
he with a clean nose
dont know
that book is done, but why
wont these pages close?

[ammendum]
when you run for so long
crying out in the dark
everyday
ends the same way;
dying of a broken heart...

bound together by un-want of feeling
still a million miles apart
she changed that day
i heard her say
she was
dying of a broken heart...

revel in the shadows
guided by the start
pushed away
but its
a-okay
you can go on
dying of a broken heart...

[clock]
soiled leaves on the dirty
dirty ground
look hard for the lost & found
a house of painted pictures
---clowns!
that scream the hated verbs
& nouns.
but words can save &
words
can drown
picture-perfect all around
nothing gained by thorny
crowns
'cept horny thieves who think
aloud
but no more me.
such lovely love-sick crowds
abound
with every tic-tic-toc'ing
sound
i lay myself on the dirty
dirty ground

[lewis, mistreated]
let the child never wake
to inherit this world of a mess
we've made
spare'em such horrors as pain
and death
instead
just skip on ahead to
eternal rest
yes,
i think thats best
yes,
there are some sacrifices
first kisses
good friendships
a loving hand to hold
the spark of life in the cold
these are all fine and dandy things
but come too few and
far between
let my child just stay asleep
please
for him
for me
rest eternal
peace

[aimer, travaillir, et souffrir]
polka-dotted spotted fairy-tales
&
childhood fantasy.
dead-like druck, chicken luv
red-rimmed eyes never see.
suicide bastard from a
teenaged disaster
magnified
ten thousand times
iron lung disease
addiction lines cut thru permission
throw salt in wounds to heal the vision
heal me!
lovers wasted all their
true confessions
on
childhood fantasy.

[ode de BUK]
never fooled yourself 'to thinking,
did you?;
that
some how
some where
that there might be something
better.
ol' jack had the stars in his eyes
and that old french-man's heart
could sing.
but thats not you
and thats not me
what would you think if you'd ever
laid eyes
on me?
--"fucking pussy."
probably.

[pulminary chi]
thought with a smile
a twist of the face
all of it, then, seemed
worthwhile
so turn another page
so many calenders...
i sat & waited for
hours & hours.
i dont know what i thought
or that i ever did
but, oh----my god!
it was worth it
sunset in the plaza
pigeons flee
oh how i loved
every lil minute of it
when i finally left her
standing
at the station. i lost something
---sensation!
rarely have i felt much since
that is what she did...
her gift
& damnation
my souls salvation
& worth every penny of it.

[ode to saying "FUCK YOUR 2-PARTY SYSTEM!" :)]
what do you do when both sides are wrong?
& a third-party vote is just a third-wheel;
like that date-less guy in the car
on the way to prom...
' told that if you dont choose
one of the two that are
wrong,
you've wasted your voice;
& by your all-loving mom.
so what do you do?
no matter what, you lose.
so what
, just give up?; not even get in
the fight?
avoid confrontation thru long-worded explanation;
consciencious objector.
coward,
right?
what do you do? WHAT?! do you do?!?
no matter what,
your screwed.
are you gonna take it up the butt?
or
are they gonna have to
take you
down?

|quote of the day|
Buddah-Jack says:
"We all wait for the next thing to happen. It's happening all over the world only some places they supply prophylactics, and some places they talk business.
We haven't got a leg to stand on."

[sine qua non]
going back now to a
brand-new
destination
let go the clock
&
all my
long-held
aspirations
if i think too much
if it gets too real
toil endlessly to make
it
not a really big-deal
so much to laugh at
but
no time for love,
dr. jones
with a smile on my face
i am jones'ing for a
real deal

[1/2-filled pages]
my zen-like mind & lover
have a past &
presently
have escaped this place
just to see
if
all the noises that seem to
really do
last for ages
as seen behind these
1/2-filled pages
zen-mind of mine &
lover, disinclined
she who is also
totally mine
but just wont believe it
they have set the stage
now
show me, dont laugh too loud
its not just me, but
i was made to see
like all the boys that
girls dont wanna make with
filling up
these
1/2-filled pages

[yeah...]
vapour kisses; chemical's there
suddenly vacant and feeling impaired
its long after midnight and
well past one's bed-time
bathing in light.
the brain fails to find
the right thing to say
ends the same everytime
everytime the same way
left to think
and to drink
drink it all away

[converting to alpha]
trained with the bi-optical off-
point-of-view;
as seen from the advanced state
of
mental decay.
install some ultra-sonic, anti-
sludge-proof
control-type devices;
proto-nuclear-powered
on my own radio wave.

//

i need to do this thing.
i gotta get up
& go;
leave with the tide.
when i was alive
last time
every step of mine had a spring;
every movement to a beat.
now i only have dead eyes.

the molecules surrender to
the force of all that
ever was,
ever
will be;
all i am, just because.
and if i leave before you,
remember please;
i was all that
ever was.

[nano-technology]
i have sailed the streets of long beach
as vacant as a shadow
i was the epitomy of---
madness! empty & hollow
seperate from the straight world
The Show
my boilers fueled by amphetimines
providing me with the all too neccessary
steam-clean feeling
& some much needed relief
from myself
succled in the street-light glow
took a back seat to a car
in tow
keeping my eyes on the road
a bottle of moonshine, a horseshoe,
and 1/2 a kilo of blow
flashing lights and big fucking guns
yer fucked!
stab with nails
decaying with rust
ashes to ashes, dust to dust

[polybicarbonate]
beg to believe in
'bout anything
really
anything real
atleast
that you might of
spilled
to me
big sack of sacrifices
sounds stupid
really
any word feels
atleast
like a weapon &
a shield; equally
anything can kill
i think
eventually

[i laugh at your big red x]
hey you
yer lame
and thats all the thought
you take

[totally]
hollow looks hurt most
from her
& too much can mean
too many things
forever too
dreams fade faster when held
too tight
just let go
now, go
battle scars from loving
gifts
tuesday never gave
two shits
lost alot when i
lost her
& too much can mean
too many things
tried too hard to
let her know
must let go
must let go
fading back to be
unknown
now go

[lust]
there is dawn out there
somewhere
speeding just beyond the horizon
it waits for the bare flesh
with harsh
magnifying lenses.
mistress of the-end-of-the-night
who comes but once
& then takes flight
do what you do
and when you do
you move.
me----?
sirred autistic artistic juices
concentrated
but 110% pure
CREATE!
music, poetry,
pictures with out paint!
its a wonderful, brand new day
come on lets sin,
says the saint.

[force of will]
what do you see when you look out on
the world
from the safety of that bubble
of your mind?
scent of fear for what is not known
& for what IS
known.
does MIGHT make RIGHT?
...as lincoln is credited
saying...
does the strong angry-man,
a mighty man with out an equal
in strength,
who over powers a girl
(weak & scared; young & naive)
a little girl on whom he
forces his will.
having his way with her
like a toy;
is this man a righteous man?
does his strength void the inherent
evil
of what he does?
no.
what of the government
who uses its armed forces
against its own people;
to mortally mark a gathering
of the people
by the people
& for the people;
stain the ground with the blood
of children
who dont understand.
all because they disagree
with the state of the nation,
supposed to be free.
where is the right
so honourably decreed as
the way?
is freedom not written as
all men being created equal;
with certain, unalienable rights:
life,
liberty,
& the pursuit of happiness.
living free & happy;
every body.
no imposition of
ideas or beliefs on you or others, by you;
welcoming opposition,
not silencing dissention
by force.
what is wrong if
this is right?
if might makes right,
i wanna be left.
look around
everybody
anytime;
hypocracy stares at you from
every where.

[get inside]
my body's not a temple
anymore
my mind is not as clear as it
use to be---.
and i passed out
at
your front door;
but im
two doors down,
-actually.

still,
youre not impressed that much by me {rpt.}

the morning, burning glory; burns
eyeballs set in stone.
pierce my eyes as i
let out a piercing scream---.
im trying, hard, not too think
& be
clever still.
consuming all this lovely
alcohol.

and your still
not all that impressed by me. {rpt.}

what does it all mean, pretty lady
tell me what really does it for you?
please, please, please tell me,
pretty lady...
i wanna get inside of you.

my heart, hear it beating? like a whore?
this is that
fine-line-re-al-(i)t-y---.
pluck & steal flowers for your car
from that neighbor that pisses
you
off.

caught
out on the lawn
spot-lights, & alarms
all coming on.
caught me
pee ing on the front
lawn.
my fly,
undone;
as bright as the sun.
tell your mother, your
father
just what i did.
butcher of flowers,
the boy who just
had-to-piss...
and just couldnt
hold it.

but youre still not all that impressed by me {rpt.}

[so]
you're oh so big
now
your mother must be so
proud
so in control
so mighty
so...!
...you know?
it must be so nice
to
exorcise
so much influence
so often
so that
those once deemed friends
say
'so long'
so often
so now this is the end
so what?

[high for the low-ball]
the tragic mind that wanders
round & 'round to the dark places
...while pondering empty spaces;
with a half-filled grin
eyes bright with the sin
of the moment; that never lasts forever.
for every chance taken
2 dozen, atleast, get left by the road
the waste that litters
a-n-y-b-o-d-y-'s
past
changing the future
whats forsaken
---become living proof to her!
make haste for the last thought
live & die
like a man.

[mulatto]
no ones answering &
the voices fill up my head
stomache turns & gargles
i pour another whiskey down
the old girl doesnt get
it
the new girl doesnt get
it
im the only one who gets
it.
black emptiness enfolds us
the stranger dies in your arms
another victim of a hard-knock-
life
and i
pour another whiskey down

[et tu]
birds in flight &
i'm
really flowing now.
ive gotthe 2nd sight;
ive got the mad
look.
screw in the corkscrew
as if to say:
"screw YOU, world"
when nobody wants or
needs you
its easy to disappear

[the unfinished garden]
run with the fury
run with the hunted
run your cold, dead fingers
thru my hair
goodbye, baby
i love you
always
still
night, calm; cold darkness
---open your eyes!
i made a deal with the devil
but
the devil, he lied
so i
run into the madness
run full speed into the night
run down days like
so many lines
i miss you, baby
always
still

saying goodbye
again
my
love

[mandala]
the star-body heat-lamp high over head
another fat, black fly feels oncoming death
old men pushing archiac machines down cratered streets
noise echos but is held by gravity
children in new clothes & wrapped safely in plastic
souls being fed like pollution & old habits
breathe in the air
of the last hundred years
liquid smoke leaves me blue, it shares my hue;
leaves my lungs and dissappears
the fat, black fly has found some back-up
a partner-in-crime; or maybe true love?
while the nuclear inferno rages on high above

[hindsight]
drunk on a rose
with its pedals &
leaves
still wet.
high as a kite
waking up
in your
lovers bed.
getting strung out on
the constant
embellishment ---
love, so surreal
&
true, fucking
happiness.
bound by the rules
& the laws known as
circumstance.
enjoy all you can
while you can, my friend
it doesnt last;
no one ever wins.

[bullet holes]
offer me a choice & i'll
certainly
pick to lose. anyway,
its like some dead man always said
'the monkey's only bothersome
until
he gets fed'
never quite knew what he meant
but i can guess
now.
a simple matter
now.
the picture lies in
tatters
strewn across the ground
the landfill
because i know you didnt recycle it...

SHIT!

!!!

threw out that heart,
true?
after it was painstakenly reassembled
in accordance to all the rules;
with old paint and glue.
just tossed it away despite
claims, nay
vows;
it'd be saved.
what does that say?
we are all sinners
nothing is saved.

[Buddah-mind]
om.
i wait
practicing
my patience.
let fate
decide
where it shall take me.
i meditate,
clear my mind of these
old things;
& feel bliss.
i wait
& exercise
my patience.
om.
om.
om...

[visions of boston]
a white pedal falls
down in a spiralling pattern
into the street in a path of pure beauty
amazing!
& then it gets pulverized
ground into the ground,
molecules merging with the asphalt
& concrete;
mashed like potatoes by the tires
of a young woman behind the wheel
in a very large automobile.
she is talking away on her phone
she dont pay for
like her car
or tuition
or anything really.
scored with the tread-marks of this
one-hit wonder-bra touting
female of anxiety
its pure, white glory
destroyed.
left to decompose, slowly
in a gutter.
so i sit in absolute silence
reliving & praising that fall
before it met
inevitability

i know how you feel...

[make]
wheels turning 'round as they
chew up the way down.
out along the coast in my
chariot that smokes gasoline
my mind
full of headache & im willing to pay
heart of mine
still slowly bleeding & yes,
it is bothering me.
im gonna go down to that
dirty border town &
boy, im gonna drink
im gonna drink, drink, drink
until i cant feel a thing;
im gonna drink, drink, drink
until it erases me.

[word]
remember The Word
& the dream that was shared.
binding in passion
&
relief that we weren't alone;
somebody cared.
how many times did we just
talk
away crazyness?
inviting the calm that
comes; it exists!
knowing that somebody else
gets
all of this.
so nice to feel, solidarity.
mutually assured.
that wonderful, wonderful
happiness
that comes from knowing
The Word

[unadulterated]
as we all sit and squabble over petty things:

yesterday
people died.
they died from bombs falling
out of they sky;
they died
from bullets aimed between
the eyes...
floods and famine are just
not enough?
i guess.
brother killing brother is
what we do best.
i have never killed another
man.
i am we the walrus sings
i am still human.
wars rage on
mothers will cry
& today
people will die.

[paraphrase of the century]
last night
i had a dream about this girl i know
& she loved me
& it was good
i woke up
with a sudden urge to kill myself
& it struck me
& i fell down
it was no longer a question of
'if'
but 'how'

[birds and girls]
sometimes feathers cannot keep you
but then again, he never needs you
so tired of crying that your
eyes feel like they're drained
remember outside in the rain?
i held your head
you gave me pain
i rip old wounds fresh again
everytime i remember them

[hoo-ah]
...a checkered noose
that true life stare
a bloody nose that doesnt care.
Holy Rollers---
Holy shit---!
this is everything,
this is it.

indescretion
still quite quite destructive
while very much
still
indispose.

[echos of heart]
cascading brow lines fall off my
dumb-struck face;
& the canvas sits empty:
a portrait of space.
life keeps on happening
every single day
& love happens quickly
then quickly goes away.
chlorinated water
that runs down the drain
there goes life wasted
with minimal complaint.

...better than to have it thrown away
in some dumb fit of rage
like pictures i made
& gave
and was told would be saved
always
and forever...
which from all ive experienced is about 2-3 months

[post-humerous response]
your thoughts --- tingled senses
& yer feeling quite reckless
you close with an off line
much louder than mine
louder than hers
louder than words
just a heart needing mending
but them dollars yer spending
could buy every line from here
to the moon
death is the last bastion
and it echos in your head
you cant really do it
so you kill off the feeling instead
it becomes mind over matter
and your mind's turned to batter
& nothing more need be said

[a shameless thing to do]
im timing the sunlight
y' fuse it together
run like a freight train
change with the weather
heartaches & heart attacks
a heartless expression
love is an alibi
but never a lesson...
dining on paper plates
drinking box wine
watching te ferris wheel
watching your eyes
canopy changes
hold on to that second
love is an alibi
but never a lesson...
cop to a new routine
patterns in clouds
mind still lies openly
while thoughts jump around
sweet chemical handgrenade
shows me whats missin'
love is an alibi
but never a lesson.

[branch]
as the nation breathes
as the city sleeps
on a holiday
or the seven seas
on a holiday
-is it picturesque?
did you ever think?
am i one of those?
i am only me...
back in budapest
in the county jail
smoking mary jane
skipping out on bail
didnt leave a note
couldnt read that well
wouldve thought you knew
that my love's for sale...
on a wing & prayer
in the family tree
didnt recognize
didnt notice me
if the past is lost
does it still repeat?
dont wanna think tonight
i just wanna be...

[blind]
into the twilight, the spot light
the long night-
driving.
wishing you were alright, no dead eyes
flying...
but the world sticks out its tongue
& you do too
and we swerve to the left-hand
side
while the memories cloud up the view
replacing memories
with wine.
off into the dark night, not alright
no foresight-
blind.

[the horse that is high]
puff, puff, baby...give
no second thought
to
the thoughts of the bad things
those memories,
forgot.
play the martyr, yeah
i'll be the demon.
i don't care anymore
even if you lie and think you do;
did
lie to yourself
lie to your friends
lie awake at night
think about the heaven
we had
that you threw away.

[be there]
a call to arms against
all tyranny
lurking in the shadows
& in the castles of the nation
rise up! all ye men of
honour
kill the whores that kill
your sons
your daughters
strike back for what you
believe
can be
fight the evil
reclaim your country

[ach-em!]
you think you've loved
well
um
excuse me
for seing past your lies
deceit
gathered up whats
um
left
for me
scattered notes
and
bits of saline
doesnt hurt 'till you
make me bleed
with the prescence of yours
truely
i abolish all that makes me
unclean
your love
your lies
the future
unseen

[i can see it all]
shards of truth in a
confectionary glass
aparatus.
the trust abused,
she says to you.
so i go and walk a mile
to walk it off and see my visions.
the hiways there, i know. but
still
theres something missin'.
the holy hand that passes up
when plague regrets;
you feel no love.
i wish i were a star that night
i wish i may...
i wish tonight.

[a moment of relapse]
love is lost despite
fruitfull labour
& still i find it hard to
hate her
falling back down my
evil ways
well,
time is money &
crime does pay...

feel alone
& im achieving
feel no love
only breaking
nerves are racked
anticipating
lying down
body shaking...
several moon's &
summers waiting
not surprised
sun is fading
loss for words
imitating
with my mind
masturbating...


seven times remember her
then push it from your head
& every time you loose a second
amongst the four post's of your bed
for seven years ive traced each sin
made martyrs of them all
in a bed
high above the streets
or
in a bathroom stall
maybe we could make it happen
if sex was all it was
loosing track of conversation
loosing the feeling,
love.

[you]
this is for you
you
know who you are
who spit in my face;
you stole my heart.
this love's now a burden
what once gave me wings
its flame once burned brightly
in your eyes
---yeah you!
& now i must keep
it
close.
i know you're out there
doing your thing
everynight
happy.
im glad your happy.
be
happy.
smile darling...

[ recovered memory ]
i get musical when i
think
of love.
i get cynical when i
think of what love does.
pulls you
inside-out
for all the world to see...
humming softly this
melody.
i got this song to sing...
i got this thing...
in me.
i may get whiney & i
may get
stale.
wash my mouth out
with a quart of ale.
im getting nervous, cant you see?
humming
all the while
this melody.
i got this song to sing...
i got this thing
'you see?
i got a song to sing
i got this thing
in me.

[words mk.IV]
bullshit! bullshit!
---scream aloud.
taste the dirt of this
hallow ground.
among the dead & the
mourning trees;
say The Lord's Prayer:
sing for me.
sing for me!
...i wish i may
i wish i might
have that solemn sleep
tonight.
in my dreams
love cannot die...
weeping angels no longer
cry.

[goddamn i am]
buck up!
be strong!
you say youre a man
well
then proove them all wrong!
take it
take it
all their abuse
those striking blows
and callous words too!
or dont
and we'll see
take one more step
set yourself free

Patron Saint of the Week
St. Dymphna

[balderdash]
back on the staircase
falling into
inebriation
nails in my shoes and
dirt under my nails
scatch me
make me bleed, again
do me
again
please?

[purgatory]
deep inside my eyes there is
me
not what is given; not what is stolen
the center of all that makes up
me
mind, heart, body, soul
i know that you've seen
me
and it is
me
you adore

~~~

watch the breathing of a dying man
ask him questions ---understand
offer more than a fucking blanket
simple conversation

[fault]
ultimate dynamo
speeding on roses &
antibiotics
matching wits with a
polar bear
who flames up, arthritis
the lemon twists in its
teeth
displayed awkwardly
fashioned in gold like a
worn
plastic model
cry when he sneezes
& laughter
sounds hollow

[atech-to-oh]
i...i hold my breath
i...i let my head, gently
drift
& then
i...i slowly dip
underwater
the oxygen inside my lungs
goes to my blood which carries
it
to every part of me
all my
extremities
the spaces deep inside of me
and my lungs want so much to
scream
this...this is living
underwater

[bullocks]
find the key to open it
the part of you thats been kept
locked up & away
all these many years
the hiding place of all them
feelings
the amazing
the fantastic
as well as all the bad ones
you didnt want them
so you said
but now you want them back again
all of them, and then some
the wonder
the beauty
of those everyday feelings

[that thing]
i thought i had a thing that was mine
but it left me at first chance
no matter how just slight of hand
it was what it was and is what it is
never taken back
never brought forward
never dealt with
never moved on

im sorry if i cant
but
then again im not
cant move on until the past is dealt with

[libre me]
trying hard not to think about
the state of the union tonight
how we live. how we talk. how we breathe.
the world at large is not the same
it is not the world i grew up in.
optimism is confounded by fear
fear that immobilizes us.
pulls the wool down over our eyes
while te rug is pulled out
from under our feet.

[bullshit-proof]
i thought i was safe from the prowling
eyes. the dog-like stare straight at me.
i thought i could hide from the womb
known as love. but the devil found its way, as
devils often do
give the Man his due---he kicked the crap outta you!
well, gosh & gee-wilikers, i must be
shaking in my boots. so now im
loose!---im free, but not really. i
still got this 'thing' hanging over me
i cannot escape this goddamn feeling
that one i tried to kill
with red wine and pills
& you know what?
someday i will!!!
if its the last thing i do

[fever]
sun falling down; fever rising up
killing aint so strange when its
only time you love
im no the Fool Who Thinks
but i definitely think too much
& my body starts to shake
...trying hard to cover up
drink to ease the pain
of all those ugly thoughts
i dont know what i can say
the devil's got my tongue...
sun falling down; and yeah i may give up
the only things i hate
the only things i love
trying hard now not to think
knowing that im fucked
i dont know what i can say
the devil's got my tongue...

[bing!]
stand on the pulpit
preach 'bout The Word
you who blame all sin
on girls
what am i supposed to believe?
an ex-nazi in rome
has God on the phone?
a meteorite in Mecca can cleanse me,
a sinner?
a God of rath; full of brimstone and fire
you all preach The Truth
but you're all just liars.

[bubble-gum queen]
trapped in
molecules that are travelin'
down your cheek; im drowning!
it feels good---so be it
that thing which keeps on needing
fall asleep; good feeling
hear that heart? its beating
beating on for...
...nothing
& no one
but you.
so,
breathe in!
take the time to notice
smile shines from deep in-
side
those lovely eyes. before this
gets to be a problem
---as love has always gotten
kiss me now 'cause
nothing
& no one
but you
makes me feel
only you.

[blunder]
had an itch and kept on scratching
' making noise, so now im asking
whats the deal these days with passion?
an involintary action?
like when you drink and end up yakking
you & i end up combating
& it starts off a chain-reaction
sends me home to sleep it off...
but now im bored and im not trying
my brain is slowly liquifying
dont want to think about her crying
but i never got to see her trying
i start shaking---feel a fever
think a drink will make me better
feel my pulse and its electric
thoughts of mine become ecentric
i pray and hope that someone gets this
okay, i pray that you dont get pissed
because forever means no finish
i grew up---yeah, i like spinach
chain-reaction sends me home to
sleep it off again

Best News I've Heard All Week:
{Math Proof That Girls Are Evil}
girls take up time & money or,
girls = time x money
time is money, therefor:
time = money
so
girls = money x (money)
or
girls = money2 {money squared}
and if money is the root of all evil, then:
money = v/evil <--my best attempt at a square root thingy
then:
girls = (v/evil)2
or
girls = evil

it looks better written out...

[loose lips sink ships]
they are guarding the streets with assult weapons
while we shop. looking for presants
for our loved ones.
they are guarding the money.
they eye us suspiciously
they have armor to protect
themselves
from us
they are afraid
they are afraid of us
when did they
stop being us?

[run lola run]
its cold...getting colder
death in the alley
dead of winter
i want to tell you things,
i do!
but saving it saves you
its a struggle to tell the truth
cautious enough to use up
all restraint
no leading on any farther
forget the old man with the untied shoelaces
he's no good you see. better to face it
now
NOW
now that the moon, day to day, gets even smaller
and smaller
run
hide
just RUN AWAY!
save yourself, please?
now - before it gets to you
now - because you still can
now - break the ties that bind you

[make]
made this deal with the devil
she promised me the world
she layed me down in her bed
made of flowers
her blue skin flashes when she screams
i asked her name and she never answered
didnt know that it meant something to you
im past the questions
im into the answers
im digging for something
but i sometimes forget.

[just the 2 of us]
maybe it's better...
...to what?! to forget her?!?
---i was hooker the day i met her!
now you what?
...i upset her.
tried so hard to stay together
but we never tried
together
we worked so well when we worked
together
...as strange a word as 'forever'
---ive never seen forever
last more 'n week
together
not ever

[harmony had it]
so much gets disturbed by some
issue with words; wrong ones,
foul ones. some you call
stupid
and some that build up
walls---the kind that always fall.
crashing down around me with the
faintest lil' smile
pressed upon those lips
pressing hard against my own
stealing all my heat
& my moisture
sucking me dry
leave me to linger in the sands
back to the desert, holding hands
whistling a tune thats stuck inside my head...
doo-de-doo-de-doo doo doo. doo-de-doo

close those baby blues
slowly count to ten
forget just after 8 or 9
...smile for me again?

[BAH!]
how many times did the church bell ring?
i was told by my shoes that duty called
they want another favour, they want Dignaty
dressed up-paraded 'round the mall...

why do i feel like gravity is killing me?
let the devil drive, he knows the way home
craddled in my arms i want her to be
buried in the ground is where you are

[aqua-me]
i beg to speak but only bubbles form
underwater
the muffled sounds & blurry vision
i close my eyes, lay
underwater
so many nights spent
underwater
or right near the surface
barely peaking out from
under water
swim to the bottom
thats my problem, bouyancy
id rather be
underwater

[XMIT]
cool my jets on something liquid
give a nod to minor passions
illuminate whatever that is
draw me a picture, lets talk about it

strangers known some time before me
processed on the bathroom rug
squealing, moaning ---beg for more!
put it in a letter; we'll talk about it...

this is an emergency
transmitting on all frequencies
im lost, im fucked ---oh, somebody PLEASE!
rescue me from the Mad Machine

is there anybody out there
any one but me,
myself & that other guy...
i
yes, i think thats it
quick
its dark and im getting sick
sick of this shit
fuck this
i dont wanna talk about it...

self-realization
my penis is like a retarded little brother;
driven by curiosity and a need to be hugged.

[the fool with a smile]
im running in circles
tearing everything
apart
my head up my ass
&
my ass doesn't care
bullet-proof, manicured
aire of resistance
to the recommended daily
allowance's
wit all of its
amendments
polished off
& wax resistant
like a child, so fast
so persistant
acknowledge something
i dont care what
admit your faults
confess to God!
leading on that you will
SAVE THEM
with all your mental
masturbation