wilde oscar
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get
married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've
lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was salted.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"Sorry we don't serve food in here."

5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the
other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass
of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" "It! 's Not Unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The
kids were nothing to look at either.

11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull
before.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and ! examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are
Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my y! ounger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other
day but I couldn't find any.

15. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet
him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off
your arms!"

17. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled
a mussel.

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but
when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the
BAR TENDER here?"