[duck, duck, ...goose!]

now I've lost it; maybe forever. was it ever really found; perhaps on the day when your spirit went away... time we left it in the ground. perhaps once the fog gets lifted; perhaps forever means no more. was it you? was it me? was it ever meant to be? too much speculation, too soon to be ignored. dancing buck-assed naked on that wedding dance floor. 

[Midnight in the Garden]

It's midnight in the garden of a hope, a dream; your eyes...

The detritus of my hearts affair with Love; now thrice denied.

It's midnight says the grandfathered clock we lay to rest...

In the garden where my Love once lay her head upon my chest.

The bells they toll, the chimes still ring...

Become this gardens own heart-beat.

It's midnight and I dare not sleep...

For what this garden holds is Me.

It's midnight in the garden 

Of what will never be.

[octa]

The differences between riding the bus in OC vs. any of the plethora of other places I've ridden public transit is astounding... I don't know why, but try it sometime & be sure to pack mace

[philosophical mumbo jumbo]

there are things we just KNOW

like which way is up or how to keep breathing...

we may not know the right words to describe it, or 

what exactly IT is, 

only that IT is or that it exists...

it's a terrible thing, to know but

be unable to share or even understand it yourself...

to summon every sense & cognitive ability you can muster...strain all mental capabilities...

and have only a billion ideas of what it is not...

you can sense it before you, it's so obviously there

yet it takes someone who knows you

and knows of it too

to put it all together,

into perspective,

help you to know what you knew that you already knew that you know...

you know?

sharing makes things real

removes a thing from the realm of the mind & puts it in the physical world where the one it's shared with exists...

No more philosophy today

[of an unknown color]

I want to look into eyes & see inside them all the billions of stars & rainbows & happy-joy-joy feelings that are knawing & flapping in my own heart & guts reciprocated...to know absolutely that what I feel is felt by another, & that they too have longed for this & are happy as I am to find them as they are to find me...

It's accepted that we share this, we trust in it & each others belief in it & it's rightness, because we understand each other, and our desires are the same & so become one & the same... 

[dramatica]

when faced with a feeling<br>

confronted by noise<br>

pausing in the doorway<br>

take that last look...<br>

should God call<br>

or country<br>

leading the slaughter of boys<br>

will you pause in the doorway,<br>

will you ever look back?

[tremble]

Tremble now before the World

tremble 'cause it hurts

Saffron mist now blown away

eyes no longer glazed 

She opened up but kept the Babe

crushed & pulverized 

stewed & flayed 

Tremble now, body shakes

But her...

She now belongs to the World

[gutters]

Rain rain - come 'n play

Let them raindrops wash me away

Wind wind - howl today

A sudden gust blow me away

Thunder lightning - every bit as exciting

...there's me outside, alone, & smiling

sensing 2

take a moment soak it up live and love and know no bounds feel this body radiate shake and shudder and know no other

[twizzle]

Day-light suicide of a plush-doll wet-dream

Take-on the discount rack suit wearing devil in me

Sniffle at the sinking hole of a heart

Felt and still feeling it; try swallowing hard

Wither and fade away behind this paper-mâché Me

While doing my best to give my best; give my whole, everything...

Show me deserving, show me the dream

Play that old record and dance once with me

Notes while watching a commercial on tele

Me:"bleeding is bad"

Her:"what?"

Me:"bleeding is bad"

Her:"yes. Bleeding is bad"

Shhhh!

empty this head of the worst and soon realize
all but your thoughts can wear a lie.
it's Truth, blessed dangerous seed that becomes Life
seldom here, with this Real and all needs tied
Down to One.
so we save what we find & recover; bring to light
blows like wind through the memories of All Time.

Feliz De Día

When you look at me & it seems
like even your eyes are smiling at me

[magnificent]

in the twilight hours dream can I
seal the lavender factory in 3
feet of solid good intention pleas...
in silence...
in sadness...
in gods name, we must...
blame it all on that Big Yellow Bird in
that goddamn Hippie bus
he tried to make us learn something until I taught that bitch how to rotisserie
Hehehe!
alls well that ends up...
Well done!

[not a word]

...he cries out with his eyes red from tears, hidden now by the rain. And the rain coming down is the only sound, that and this old creaking house. It's groans & it grumbles, like his stomach, before it too gets humbled, falls silent at last. The sound of the rain reigns supreme once again...still no reply to his heart wrenching cry. Just the rain, & the house, & breathing out loud...

[gettingscrewed sans the fun]

How did we get here? And oh so shockingly fast... In love & happy one day (or so you said atleast) then you go do something horribly stupid & it's suddenly...gone. A dream that never was forever more. Next thing I know I'm being painted as some monster so the monster you let be your angels dad won't seem nearly quite so bad. And that
I can't quite figure out. Why do that when you were once so proud to be my girl and on my arm...we clear a path & baby we stopped some cars. Rubber neckers careening for a glimpse of you n me...
Why oh why oh fuck my life

[wow]

we met & i loved you for so many things... a slightly defeatist attitude with an air to persevere a fuck-it mind set i felt matched my own... and as we went through the motions spilling our lifespans i found that i loved you more than i'd planned as this love began to blossom you nurtured its roots we made plans for the future perhaps moving too soon perhaps but we thought that we knew and still everyday i found more & more i loved you then one day the Devil came calling for you and you let him in, baby, what did you do?! slowly each promise he made was broken even as you try to tell me each of them and his poison spilled into the very soil and even as i loved you, you believed more & more then just as i thought we'd made it through and all that was left was to keep loving you i found the demon the devil had made in the heart of the woman whos heart was for me who i loved and who'd once also loved me and the poison leeched further going so deep we started fighting i couldnt speak til you finally stopped loving me

[fin du monde]

Speak once, in subtle tones &
pray the end is near...
She callously avoids the turmoil
running in the air.
Faded & playing with myself
with a nickel & a dime
while watching the last parade
and thinking just in time...
Keeping distance from that point
& from me
ashamed of the reality situation;
Losing track of what might be
Some where at the end of the world;
That's where I'll be

[drawbridge]

Felt bad at home so I left to cry alone

Felix

transposed my very standing
substituted wine for beer
but my god this life's demanding
what I haven't had for years...
I never said I was fine with falling apart
I only said I didn't care
& if I did you didn't stay or bother at all
I only needed someone to care...
translated some understanding
dispossessed of all but a name
now & then I feel so demanding
like I did standing out in the rain...
I never said I was fine just falling apart
& you said 'baby why should I care?'
so tell me why did we ever bother at all?
...and I will tear this house down; I will tear down every wall...