[gnosticy 17]
i dont particularly WANT to
meet all my deamons...
the near-skeletal-corpses
rotting away in my closet(!)
but circumstances prevail
&
previous stupidities mount up...
revealing choices...
(and ive obvously done a
FANTASTIC
job at those so far, hmmm?!)
but the closets' stench could reach
unbearable
what matters
now
(all)
is when

[spooky]
the ghosts' freeze us
with time we've passed;
tentacles deep---
into the doubtful hearts we have
memories of haunt & spice
we hold...
but, why?
---ive asked many,
none know

[the fall]
crushed between forces
in that proverbial place
so do yourself a favor
pack up & get away...
...you try n you fall...:|
cool enough to get it
still you give it away...
...you try n you fall...:|
tongue-n-cheek feelings
left looking for meanings
wipe off that love from
your face
prosthetic child
alone & defiled
no hope for getting away...

knows but still hopes for
some day...
still...

[daydream]
i will
pretend
i dont need you
since you
wont
let on that you
care

[muddling]
resistance breaks down
with a look that's mistaken
the need built from
childhood
& the years incubating
so it goes
one direction
same as it's always been
perhaps better off
just
masturbating...

[changes}
there are changes
aplenty
subtle & minute
drastic & revealing
changes in the wind
but which is the one that
chills me?
to the bone
the arctic blast sweeping this city?
or the impending alterations to my life?
changes
neither good nor
evil
---applied only in reference
changes
necessary & needed
changes...
come
regardless of our desires
or
because of
them
changes
happen

[contrary]
swallow up that pride,
my son...
& convince thy self that
love
, sweet love...
of story-book/fairy-tales
(lies,
each & every one)
believe what youu need
that its there for the taking
worth any effort (even breaking)
so try
try
TRY!!! (goddammit)
...so that when sober moments come
& the curtains open up
there is only
truth,
sweet truth
(unbiased proof)
reveals the obscene use
the loniness feared all along
(in time; & in youth)
cant be denied
accept it
its you

[vortices]
some how
some way
even still...
she moves
me.
unshakeable
like
gravity...
always
pulling me
in.

[perfected]
she moves in waves of audible light
& sways, sashays, in time
alright?
with stunning grace of the
instinctive kind
hypnotized...
shes hypnotizing...
lost into its rhythm
calling
from primal parts in hiding
deep dark corners of the mind
seductive
& sensual
every movement pre-defined
by ancient worship
rites
enshrined

[medal of honour]
draw in deep
hold that breath
heart pinned & worn
to my chest
no sorrow now...
whats done is done
stoic mind
forgotten one

[cold]
a krack! in the night & im up
the angels have stopped crying
distant sounds of the city
waking up...6am outside my window
its cold for october
all 4 days left
on comes saints day
eternal hallows eve
layered up, back in bed --- only to get up again;
hunt for, & find!;
beloved woolen socks...rarely to be taken off
again
til faithless spring equinox comes
bringing snuggie(tm)-warm coating of the sun
...
some driver passes below my head
stare into the nothing behind my eyes
imagination ---uncontrolled, wonders what these
people know; where do they go?
what dont i know?
...a great many things i suppose...

...like mental self-control

[contemplative compilation]
tell me,
love,
what should i be?
a comatose
or
lustful plaything?
a mind inside
that
rants
& raves?
a foolish
boy
no one
can save...

or something less
you throw away...
?

its 9 am now
& i must
awake
to fill the void
that love
forsakes...
& in my hole
where i
debate
the casual
happenstance
of life
led fate;
no sign of life
yet
to
contemplate...

...so much
strange
experience(s)...
to try and find
where
love
was spent...
1000 times
it came
& went...
on flames
of wings
that dreams
have sent...
...but left me
with a
hole inside
that which no one
gets...

tho once the mind
gets
set
then the wheels
they can have motion
& nothing, then, can
stop
this beast from going
like the planet
ever turning
& the people
always moving...;
if i could find
a moments choosing,
i would,
of coarse,
choose the one thats
losing
...thats just me
living poison.

[holy $h@#!]
odd in its brevity
damned as forthright
magic aint a part of this
no...
this just fucked up $h@#!

[pasty pastry]
i saw the Devil
eat
a doughnut
& walk off with
a laugh
from deep in His belly
& it occurred to me
just then
that there is
evil
in all us.
i once escaped into
the mountains
that whole
God-is-Great-country
thing
& i smoked
to get high
just to numb myself
of emotions
from the pureness
and utter
beauty
of things.
so i dwell now
in the open
i have no fear
just get lonely
for the evil
and the beauty
always
surrounds me.

[damnable thing]
my hearts still attatched
but my brain knows better
soon enough---
i WILL forget her
if i drink enough
everything will be
all-right
if i drink too much...
i may just...just...
fall away...atleast
for tonight

[shade]
theres a shade
like a whisper
that still
screams
thru mine eyes
for that
cause
of affection
-my affliction-
dug from memory.
theres a song
like a movie
someone's playing
right now
in the bar
that i drink in
to stop thinkin
and how.
they dont know
that you live
now
in my melodies
for my sanity
for what it does
to me.

[positive affirmation]
i dreamed of you
you were a succubus
preying on my
unconditional
love...
knowing what it means
to me---
on a string
just ahead of me...;
& in this dream
you showed me my
death
you asked me and said,
"isnt it glorious?
morbid & moribund; do you
see?!...?"
and it was just she said
it would be
my anima in infinity
my essence at rest
& it was
just as it should be...
nothing more
nothing less

[inconsistant]
trembling moments
flash of light
dazed & numb...
in my mind

so long to the
bad-land band of
ill-gotten gains
trade for the makings
of a
brand-new day

open anew
occular view
cranial change
of an old cavity

[woman]
she teases as she
pleases
me
knows all of my
secret
things
knows exactly
what i need
but doesnt give it
well,
not exactly...
she dangles it out
in front
of me
like a carrot
on a
string
knows full well
i can take it
just as i know
she doesnt fake it
with everything i am
GODDAMN!
i love that woman

X

[blah-se]
calm the mind
with silence
still the heart
with love
feel the body
loosen
& the soul
get lifted up