[cold]
a krack! in the night & im up
the angels have stopped crying
distant sounds of the city
waking up...6am outside my window
its cold for october
all 4 days left
on comes saints day
eternal hallows eve
layered up, back in bed --- only to get up again;
hunt for, & find!;
beloved woolen socks...rarely to be taken off
again
til faithless spring equinox comes
bringing snuggie(tm)-warm coating of the sun
...
some driver passes below my head
stare into the nothing behind my eyes
imagination ---uncontrolled, wonders what these
people know; where do they go?
what dont i know?
...a great many things i suppose...

...like mental self-control

[contemplative compilation]
tell me,
love,
what should i be?
a comatose
or
lustful plaything?
a mind inside
that
rants
& raves?
a foolish
boy
no one
can save...

or something less
you throw away...
?

its 9 am now
& i must
awake
to fill the void
that love
forsakes...
& in my hole
where i
debate
the casual
happenstance
of life
led fate;
no sign of life
yet
to
contemplate...

...so much
strange
experience(s)...
to try and find
where
love
was spent...
1000 times
it came
& went...
on flames
of wings
that dreams
have sent...
...but left me
with a
hole inside
that which no one
gets...

tho once the mind
gets
set
then the wheels
they can have motion
& nothing, then, can
stop
this beast from going
like the planet
ever turning
& the people
always moving...;
if i could find
a moments choosing,
i would,
of coarse,
choose the one thats
losing
...thats just me
living poison.

[holy $h@#!]
odd in its brevity
damned as forthright
magic aint a part of this
no...
this just fucked up $h@#!

[pasty pastry]
i saw the Devil
eat
a doughnut
& walk off with
a laugh
from deep in His belly
& it occurred to me
just then
that there is
evil
in all us.
i once escaped into
the mountains
that whole
God-is-Great-country
thing
& i smoked
to get high
just to numb myself
of emotions
from the pureness
and utter
beauty
of things.
so i dwell now
in the open
i have no fear
just get lonely
for the evil
and the beauty
always
surrounds me.

[damnable thing]
my hearts still attatched
but my brain knows better
soon enough---
i WILL forget her
if i drink enough
everything will be
all-right
if i drink too much...
i may just...just...
fall away...atleast
for tonight

[shade]
theres a shade
like a whisper
that still
screams
thru mine eyes
for that
cause
of affection
-my affliction-
dug from memory.
theres a song
like a movie
someone's playing
right now
in the bar
that i drink in
to stop thinkin
and how.
they dont know
that you live
now
in my melodies
for my sanity
for what it does
to me.

[positive affirmation]
i dreamed of you
you were a succubus
preying on my
unconditional
love...
knowing what it means
to me---
on a string
just ahead of me...;
& in this dream
you showed me my
death
you asked me and said,
"isnt it glorious?
morbid & moribund; do you
see?!...?"
and it was just she said
it would be
my anima in infinity
my essence at rest
& it was
just as it should be...
nothing more
nothing less

[inconsistant]
trembling moments
flash of light
dazed & numb...
in my mind

so long to the
bad-land band of
ill-gotten gains
trade for the makings
of a
brand-new day

open anew
occular view
cranial change
of an old cavity

[woman]
she teases as she
pleases
me
knows all of my
secret
things
knows exactly
what i need
but doesnt give it
well,
not exactly...
she dangles it out
in front
of me
like a carrot
on a
string
knows full well
i can take it
just as i know
she doesnt fake it
with everything i am
GODDAMN!
i love that woman

X

[blah-se]
calm the mind
with silence
still the heart
with love
feel the body
loosen
& the soul
get lifted up

[totalitarian utilitarianism]
i am the darkness
i am the light
and when i believe this
i am whole inside

[blast]
shadow about the living-room space
dancing to the candle-light; bright-eyed &
wasted...
pass on an off-chance moment in time
in the tough shade of love, i live
totally blind
this starry-gaze of slight hazel hue
from the corner wall-hugging back-drop
view
stir in the silence-rendering night
live with the tough-love,
totally blind

[hmmmpfff]
when i needed something
you were not there
such a minor little thing
i thought only fair
a show of affection,
some sign that you cared
but you couldnt be bothered
to return what ive shared
now im left with a wanting
& you
just not here

[pseudo]
centered in me there lies
the dark chasm, childhood
there are things i cant
change
nor ever escape
from
its surrounded by light
& the brightness, come naturally
but 'ever it waits
there
knawing inside
me
& will remain still
when im gone

[pseudo-religious]
i lost my faith
& it may be
that
THAT
is the hardest thing
to replace

[open post]
what comes next is
anyones guess
the heart
the mind
the soul
the flesh
...needs
ignored for
what we
think
is best...
but natural to our very
existence
not love, nor lust
as we know it
something else
so different
something we must decide
is worth
all of it

[needs]
i am energized,
as i usually am
powered by all my
observations
i want
i think
i need
something...
to feel...?
...something...
real?
is it; am i;
is anything at all
really
real?
im out of passion
out of breath
and feeling
so much closer
to the death
i believe in
and thought i left
so long
ago

[naked]
a moment that i keep close to my heart
a simple thing, really; but
by and large
it does something, deep down inside
of me...
lets me know im still alive;
like a shard of glass buried below my
eye...
the moon-lit glow that holds you
close
paints your skin and inspires prose;
words that seem to just
flow...
stops me dead in my tracks; as i
trace the lines of your bare
back
the shadows the moon-light
casts...
captivating me
with the beauty of your form
art
au natural

[ star bright ]
i look at the stars & see
a million smiles raining down on me
thru the aeons of eternity
to fill me with...
something...














am i running away
or am i running towards
some future i have yet to discover
?

[ellipsis en vogue]
now is the time
sparkling new
the fat
no---
pregnant
possum
creeps thru
my new yard
& the spiders too
are multiplying
prolifically
everywhere i turn
spring is in view
the possum waddles off
to sleep
its early
still
there may be hope
for me