[rosey beads]
my pennance is paid
in the love that i live
for it was
against
love
that i once sinned
i confess
& i
repent
each and every day
for my god-awful
sin
i showed such disdain
for the love that she
gave
so freely
& with out thought
i took & i took
i never gave a fuck
she promised
eternity
and i assumed it would be
assumption can fuck with
everything
now i have this debt to repay
for the love i had
but never really gave

...hours later & i
still
get a shiver
so much in my thoughts
no chance
to forget
HER
thru a dream & into
my mind
there she stays
behind my eyes

[love?]
what is most important
in dealings of love?
is it how she makes me
feel,
most of the time
or
the fact that its not
ALL
of the time?
i have been in this place
once or twice before
and
i have made mistakes.
i dont want to make
more
this self-conscience
and self-deprecating
place
i find myself now
reminds me of why
i
found
it so easy to shrug off
all hopes of ever being
in love,
its a fucked up feeling
highest highs
lowest lows
my bi-polar nature only
makes it
more so...
so why did i ever allow this
to happen?
why did i offer up more than
attraction?
yes, i am a hopeless
romantic
and
yes, i may be a fool
but mostly i did it
'cause
she asked me to

[dance]
so you wanna dance with the devil?
but
the devil dont dance
so you
kick off yer shoes and you
pull off yer pants
but the devils in a mood
which sometimes happens
when yer damned

so you call on the devil
but you
get His machine
it says
"leave a message"
but what kinda message do you leave?!?
so you try again later
and pray that He's home
but
who do you pray to,
&
where
does it
go?

--start--
just as long as i have this---
-a beer in the fridge
-a warm loving kiss
just as long as i have this---

[contemplate]
here & now
she cries out
in a dream
sends me off
thinking
oh---
the possibilities
watch your mouth
in the
here & now
dont let those
bed-bugs
dream
oh---
what shes done
to me
sends me off
screaming
now & then
i feel
somethings
but
here & now
i'd rather
dream

{Quote of the Week}
“ The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are made to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.” ~Jack Kerouac

[tempt]
tempt me not, you adulturous waif
send me not your bad vibe mojo
tell me all your secrets and fears
believe in me
and i will leave you in tears

[le sigh]
hollywood
i miss you
the petty vibes of the hipster scene
the street corner man who offers everything
your transvestite mexican streetwalkers
your coke-binging actors
the general smell of piss and sterno
and the late night walks where
i saw it all

{Quote of the week}
" In less than a year the Bush administration will strut
out of office leaving the country in roughly
the same condition
a toddler leaves a diaper"

from my mom

[depraved new world]
possibilities arise at the sound
of a word &
the grrrl of my dreams
it finally seems
wants me
and i can think of nothing
more
than her, naked, on my bed
am i fucked in the head?
as oh so many have said
so i may be depraved
so what?

{Quote for the Day}
"there is seriously something wrong with this counrty
when a persons greatest moment is the end of the day"

[digital repose]
blanket ashes on the ground
burned down all the things
that i found and kept around
so many titles, so little time
drunk again to forget my lines
such a jack n jill rhyme that i
well, i just about lose my mind...

{feckin hilarious}
i just did a google search for dirty pigeons and
this
came up


hahahahahahahahahahahaha

-bd

[pdx]
the sounds of this city
will
never leave
me
like the cold sudden
chill
of death

[sadness?]
the warm arms of my mistress
keep me from my
cold, dark, lonely nights

but i miss 'em

{excerpt}
them dirty pigeons
they are
lost in flight
and everythings fine
lost to her on a tuesday night
and everythings fine
once youre sure you can do no
wrong
if
everythings fine
& everythings fine...
you ll hang but deserved
(i dont need you)
cool hands from the dirt
(say you feel it too)
i know what you do
& i know its silly
come
back
to me...

[molded]
when the scarlet dawn flashes its first light
or when the girl you love first opens her eyes
does the the child inside scream out with delight?
or hold it back, hold it in; 'til he explodes
& dies?
never mind that painful beauty
pay no mind to that glory-light
will my voice, my words still die with me
if only my inner child dies?
when our dreams are but a memory
will our lives get folded back?
its been eight years relentlessly
knowing
all the things which i lack
the waters swell by the light of the
near-full moon shinning bright
will the moment come for truth?
feelings numbed and a heart thats dumb
(& still so young)
my life laid out as living proof
say you love me
say you do

[grrrr!]
knawed off at the ankles
but im still swimming deep
looking for that friend/lover
who wont abandon me
seems like theres more to this
seems so undeserved
so i close my eyes and whisper my prayers
and hope my prayers are heard

[balls!]
just manage to get things right
before the night closes in
to shroud me in darkness
once again
is she like me?
minus the apothecary side
are all hopes pinned to
the wrong sentimental thing?
shy away but keep going strong
because todays the day
whether im right or wrong

[a-okay]
i remain
as seasons change
everyday
the same but not
the same
i still remain
through dolls and dames
the joys and pains
through happy things
and horrors
and blame
i remain

...and i'd do it
all
again.