[a moment of relapse]
love is lost despite
fruitfull labour
& still i find it hard to
hate her
falling back down my
evil ways
well,
time is money &
crime does pay...

feel alone
& im achieving
feel no love
only breaking
nerves are racked
anticipating
lying down
body shaking...
several moon's &
summers waiting
not surprised
sun is fading
loss for words
imitating
with my mind
masturbating...


seven times remember her
then push it from your head
& every time you loose a second
amongst the four post's of your bed
for seven years ive traced each sin
made martyrs of them all
in a bed
high above the streets
or
in a bathroom stall
maybe we could make it happen
if sex was all it was
loosing track of conversation
loosing the feeling,
love.

[you]
this is for you
you
know who you are
who spit in my face;
you stole my heart.
this love's now a burden
what once gave me wings
its flame once burned brightly
in your eyes
---yeah you!
& now i must keep
it
close.
i know you're out there
doing your thing
everynight
happy.
im glad your happy.
be
happy.
smile darling...

[ recovered memory ]
i get musical when i
think
of love.
i get cynical when i
think of what love does.
pulls you
inside-out
for all the world to see...
humming softly this
melody.
i got this song to sing...
i got this thing...
in me.
i may get whiney & i
may get
stale.
wash my mouth out
with a quart of ale.
im getting nervous, cant you see?
humming
all the while
this melody.
i got this song to sing...
i got this thing
'you see?
i got a song to sing
i got this thing
in me.

[words mk.IV]
bullshit! bullshit!
---scream aloud.
taste the dirt of this
hallow ground.
among the dead & the
mourning trees;
say The Lord's Prayer:
sing for me.
sing for me!
...i wish i may
i wish i might
have that solemn sleep
tonight.
in my dreams
love cannot die...
weeping angels no longer
cry.

[goddamn i am]
buck up!
be strong!
you say youre a man
well
then proove them all wrong!
take it
take it
all their abuse
those striking blows
and callous words too!
or dont
and we'll see
take one more step
set yourself free

Patron Saint of the Week
St. Dymphna

[balderdash]
back on the staircase
falling into
inebriation
nails in my shoes and
dirt under my nails
scatch me
make me bleed, again
do me
again
please?

[purgatory]
deep inside my eyes there is
me
not what is given; not what is stolen
the center of all that makes up
me
mind, heart, body, soul
i know that you've seen
me
and it is
me
you adore

~~~

watch the breathing of a dying man
ask him questions ---understand
offer more than a fucking blanket
simple conversation

[fault]
ultimate dynamo
speeding on roses &
antibiotics
matching wits with a
polar bear
who flames up, arthritis
the lemon twists in its
teeth
displayed awkwardly
fashioned in gold like a
worn
plastic model
cry when he sneezes
& laughter
sounds hollow

[atech-to-oh]
i...i hold my breath
i...i let my head, gently
drift
& then
i...i slowly dip
underwater
the oxygen inside my lungs
goes to my blood which carries
it
to every part of me
all my
extremities
the spaces deep inside of me
and my lungs want so much to
scream
this...this is living
underwater

[bullocks]
find the key to open it
the part of you thats been kept
locked up & away
all these many years
the hiding place of all them
feelings
the amazing
the fantastic
as well as all the bad ones
you didnt want them
so you said
but now you want them back again
all of them, and then some
the wonder
the beauty
of those everyday feelings

[that thing]
i thought i had a thing that was mine
but it left me at first chance
no matter how just slight of hand
it was what it was and is what it is
never taken back
never brought forward
never dealt with
never moved on

im sorry if i cant
but
then again im not
cant move on until the past is dealt with

[libre me]
trying hard not to think about
the state of the union tonight
how we live. how we talk. how we breathe.
the world at large is not the same
it is not the world i grew up in.
optimism is confounded by fear
fear that immobilizes us.
pulls the wool down over our eyes
while te rug is pulled out
from under our feet.

[bullshit-proof]
i thought i was safe from the prowling
eyes. the dog-like stare straight at me.
i thought i could hide from the womb
known as love. but the devil found its way, as
devils often do
give the Man his due---he kicked the crap outta you!
well, gosh & gee-wilikers, i must be
shaking in my boots. so now im
loose!---im free, but not really. i
still got this 'thing' hanging over me
i cannot escape this goddamn feeling
that one i tried to kill
with red wine and pills
& you know what?
someday i will!!!
if its the last thing i do

[fever]
sun falling down; fever rising up
killing aint so strange when its
only time you love
im no the Fool Who Thinks
but i definitely think too much
& my body starts to shake
...trying hard to cover up
drink to ease the pain
of all those ugly thoughts
i dont know what i can say
the devil's got my tongue...
sun falling down; and yeah i may give up
the only things i hate
the only things i love
trying hard now not to think
knowing that im fucked
i dont know what i can say
the devil's got my tongue...

[bing!]
stand on the pulpit
preach 'bout The Word
you who blame all sin
on girls
what am i supposed to believe?
an ex-nazi in rome
has God on the phone?
a meteorite in Mecca can cleanse me,
a sinner?
a God of rath; full of brimstone and fire
you all preach The Truth
but you're all just liars.

[bubble-gum queen]
trapped in
molecules that are travelin'
down your cheek; im drowning!
it feels good---so be it
that thing which keeps on needing
fall asleep; good feeling
hear that heart? its beating
beating on for...
...nothing
& no one
but you.
so,
breathe in!
take the time to notice
smile shines from deep in-
side
those lovely eyes. before this
gets to be a problem
---as love has always gotten
kiss me now 'cause
nothing
& no one
but you
makes me feel
only you.

[blunder]
had an itch and kept on scratching
' making noise, so now im asking
whats the deal these days with passion?
an involintary action?
like when you drink and end up yakking
you & i end up combating
& it starts off a chain-reaction
sends me home to sleep it off...
but now im bored and im not trying
my brain is slowly liquifying
dont want to think about her crying
but i never got to see her trying
i start shaking---feel a fever
think a drink will make me better
feel my pulse and its electric
thoughts of mine become ecentric
i pray and hope that someone gets this
okay, i pray that you dont get pissed
because forever means no finish
i grew up---yeah, i like spinach
chain-reaction sends me home to
sleep it off again

Best News I've Heard All Week:
{Math Proof That Girls Are Evil}
girls take up time & money or,
girls = time x money
time is money, therefor:
time = money
so
girls = money x (money)
or
girls = money2 {money squared}
and if money is the root of all evil, then:
money = v/evil <--my best attempt at a square root thingy
then:
girls = (v/evil)2
or
girls = evil

it looks better written out...

[loose lips sink ships]
they are guarding the streets with assult weapons
while we shop. looking for presants
for our loved ones.
they are guarding the money.
they eye us suspiciously
they have armor to protect
themselves
from us
they are afraid
they are afraid of us
when did they
stop being us?

[run lola run]
its cold...getting colder
death in the alley
dead of winter
i want to tell you things,
i do!
but saving it saves you
its a struggle to tell the truth
cautious enough to use up
all restraint
no leading on any farther
forget the old man with the untied shoelaces
he's no good you see. better to face it
now
NOW
now that the moon, day to day, gets even smaller
and smaller
run
hide
just RUN AWAY!
save yourself, please?
now - before it gets to you
now - because you still can
now - break the ties that bind you