[jeebus]
pulling out of this...
whatever this is. bare
as the day i was born.and
who knows?
i could emerge from out this
cloud
i wear to hide my appearance.
someday.
maybe monday.
but would you run from me?
if i expose my whole self unto you...
would you say goodbye to me
or will it
show me the
best
of
you.

[recovery]
everybody is always trying to
tell me what to do.
trying to.
but not you, my baby.
well,
why not you?
what say you?
what feminine twitch have you
got tonight?
oh?
not tonight?
tonight is my night
to bitch.
tonight is my night
and you're out with him.
interesting; very, very interesting.
atleast to that certain part of me
who i was back then
when
saying that you loved me
didnt come so automatically.
no,
you had to stop
and think.
looked at me hard and then
decided it was true.

[reckless abandon}
i get left here, standing reckless-ly
close to the edge. with a
bullet-proof vest and a concealed hand gun.
safety first!
when i finally recount the time it
took to write my first
love letter.
im amazed at how quality and i just dont
get real fucked up together.
she brings me a donut. i leave
flowers
at her car. but they never remain there
getting on towards the end of
the day.
a mind wound up tightly has been
let loose upon these
streets.
a decision must be made up
dont leave this shit to me.

[fast mass]
teething with the thought of it
angry, and im feeling you
drive it home the needle point
the needle's gonna pull me through
wish i didnt know some thoughts
like all the ones that hurt as much
as much as when im with you
hard enough to finish up
the path we soiled with ardent love
wish that i had more to do...

listen to the voices that are talking in my head
filling my mind with nonsense since i was but a kid
wash myself with terpentine just hoping to get clean
light me up a cigarette and head out to the street...

[parasite]
oh look, a lovely parasite
on his own, he cant survive
but if feeding on anothers life
not only does it survive, it thrives and thrives!
taking what it likes
intention in his eyes
if eyes belong on
such a lovely parasite

now here; a nice, plump facist disease
spreading yourself all over everything
infecting us when we breathe
inside, where its warm, it breeds
spreading through veins and arteries
on your soul it slowly feeds
devouring what it needs
to get to other beings
or living things
that wont be after they meet
this nice, plump facist disease

pretty little embyro
whatever happens, you should know
no matter what we love you so
even if you never get the chance to grow
or if you do and we just forget to show
and you in turn strike on your own
plant a seed
or see its sown
your very own
pretty little embryo



=========

hard is the way
long is the path
oh, god!how i wish
to get drunk
and fall on my ass

happy thoughts make me smile...
#121) asian business man driving in traffic singing along to mariah carey.
#122) the fact that i knew it was mariah carey.

\Eb

[1000]
but if everything you've ever known; was
all just a fantasy?
a thought
in a head somewhere.
trying to fuck with me...?
but those in the know know not to fuck
with me.
i cant take a joke.
no,
not while they laugh at me.
those people called friends
thru
some lapse in vocabulary.
and in my mind they are the same
they are right there with family.
a drain on my heart,
tempting my sanity.

they said those cruel, crule words
with painful intent. & i
wont show them anything
wont show it gets to me

i stumble and fall
and break into 1000 little pieces.

...and the band played on...?

the talk of the day is about the attempts in congress to eliminate the filibuster. this is yet another vicious attack on our constitution! doesnt anybody see this!? george bush says its for the purpose of maintaining a show of 'majority rule'. what?!? the constitution does not talk about majority rule. ANYWHERE!!! it speaks of protecting the minority from the majority. it talks of checks and balances. it talks of freedoms for the citizens of this nation. but lil george obviously did not read the constitution. he was too busy skipping class and getting dopped up. [i cant blame him, for i did much the same thing...but im not the friggin president!] in his tenure in office, little georgy bush jr has toppled or fucked with those three things so dear to myself and others. those things i could always think about and say, "goddamn, im glad to be an american!"
but its getting harder and harder. my one true joy left is my constitutional RIGHT to bad mouth my government with every dirty word in my vocabulary. my parents think that 'it will all be over soon. he only has a few more years and he's out of office'...MY GOD!!! thats what they said about HITLER! in his first term as president he took our enviromental laws back to the 70's, took our country to war, had the US expelled out of the GENEVA CONVENTION, brought back a reagan-style deficit, eliminated 15% of our civil liberties, and all by getting into office by CHEATING!!! in 3 more years, who knows what he could do! and lets not think that the Bush is the only one running the show. his pappy and rumsfield have had this whole idea mapped out since Iran-Contra and Ollie North. the republicans are not going to let go of the white house so easily. bush I got in after 8 years of reagan. and if a democrat does get into office, the republicans will spend the following 4 years nit-picking the lucky-shmuck about every little thing. making private affairs public. bush II has already over turned every major piece of legislation that the clinton administration was able to get thru between congressional hearings and inquiries. whereas the bush II administration ducks behind a veil of nationalsim whenever they are questioned about thier actions...another nazi-ish tie-in. there are documents KNOWN to have be seen atleast as high up as rumsfield detailing the torture of prisoners, there is question about bush I & II's ties to the saudi's---including bin laden's own family!, there are documents questioning bush II's time in the AIR-fucking-NATIONAL-GUARD, and the ultimate question: where's the friggin' weapons of mass destruction he was so sure saddam was working on??? not to mention what the fuck did iraq have to do with 9/11 anyway? werent they mostly saudi's???why arent we bombing Riyadh???
no, the democrats are to prissy to resort to the republican way of fighting, which is dirty. i hear they [the democrats] are going to gettogether and 'reorginize'...i also hear that they will get a little more conservative in an effort to win back the white house...
what a bunch of friggin meat-heads!
prior to the last election i wrote a letter to the democratic national comitee in which i begged them to stop leaning left in an effort to win the bastards who sit on the fence...who pander to both sides. they [the DNC] always do that! they are so afraid of seeming too radical! or too liberal! fuck! so was John Lennon! so was JFK! so was George Washington!!! every person who has been deemed to leftist for conventional politics is a friggin' model of what i consider to be great.

dot dot dot

i am running out of breath and my head is starting to hurt. i feel like the america i grew up in, that flagship of freedom! -has been taken away from me. i have read what i could of both the USAPatriot Acts [...in case you didnt know, number II went through about a year after number I, with less fanfare but more damaging...] and about 20-25% of American Civil Liberties were shelved on behalf of 'national security'. i also feel that those of you in the 'heartland' of America are to blame, along with the under 20 year olds [who just didnt bother showing up on election day]. you citizens who live between the Rockies and the Appalachian's...who voted for Bush II despite everything we knew after 2000...drink up while you can. your ground water is polluted with mercury, your children are dying in a foriegn country, your health care has been given away to illegal residents, and your rights have been removed. america has been defiled, our grandfather's weep. the squatter in the white house is using the constitution to wipe his ass and he's laughing his odd-shaped-head off.

-bd

[*]
salivating waiting for a phone call
hesitating baby not at all
opinions are for suckers to be swallowed like lemons
shot thru the mouth of some wide angle camera
spooned into hungry mouths baby force-feed
spell out a problem with some paper clips
drop me a line grrrl if you got a sec
im laying down by the railway station
waiting for just one thing
the enivitable
the crushing defeat but it never comes
and instead i find im sleeping beside her
wearing nothing but our clothes
no barriers or problems that cant be dealt with, words
that can set us free
dining on the greatness of you and what you are in my eyes
my opinion
which the only other thing i give two fucks about.

...feeling kinda lazy, so...
for more goodies check out this

[last night]
the mean blue lights of disco,
baby
im holding out my heart,
bubble-wrapped
goddamn, and she says she loves me
while we're getting busy
in the sack
she's short of breath,
im dangerous!
am i ok or
am i moving too fast?

hold on to me
lets find out whats real
and everything else
will fall away

[fuck me III]
i havent the time nor the
state of mind. to
dwell over these things being
shoved before my eyes.
like the girl coming over to
play with me
after she gets some other poor sap to buy
her them drinks
not me
no, no
thats not me!
or how about the victim
who swears they did no wrong
and wonders how a God
could've let this go on.
standing in the tattered evening wear
that once cost a fortune
but like the innocence lost
morality tear's.
fool of a hypocrite, you know
you're not worthy
to stand before God like that
you're a man
you are dirty.

[ priceless ]
im hot and im bothered
im stung by your bee
to the much needed/ loathed
soft-side in me
words that do hurt
when its not what was said
but rather the manner in which it was said
suppose i stopped my heart
as it were a casual affair
could i go on living
knowing what was but
is not there...?
a heart, weak
a sore throat
a pain in my gullivar
im sayin
goodnight.

[ feel this ]
it lingers for a moment
hangs tight inside the air
brushed away like a bad smell
& scattered to the night.
precious words roll like thunder
she shivers in the cold
dance with me all goddamn night long
then hold me like a kitten.

move with the words, the sound of the rythm
so many heart-beats sounding in tune
i think that i may be in love with this moment
but darlin
i know
im in love with you

[dribble]
i paint
this picture,
etched upon
time.
i fracture
the
over-head
moon
light
into many
other
me's.

[permission]
to be allowed
to do the thing.
that wonderful
thing.
that which makes
me.
who i am
& want to be.
to be
the thing
that's me.

[flight school tragedy: death of a dirty pigeon]
hey YOU!
you dirty pigeon
you.
you filthy fiend
you.
they killed
you.
dead
you.
rotting corpse
you.
poor, poor
you.
you mangy thing
you.
rat with wings
you.
dirty, filthy, mangy
rotting-corpse
you.
poor, poor dead
you.
you dirty pigeon
you.

[ rain drops cover tears ]
if your cold,
& you want to,
we could find some place
to hide.
away from the crazy people
who
hound & torment you;
who
look at you with
prying eyes.
wrap ourselves
in body-heat
wash away the fear
of
all those trials &
tribulations;
denials &
expectations.
...to find our solace
in the place
of a
tear.

[warning-bell]
i'll tell you what i think
if my thoughts can blow away
disappear like a dream each morning
part the clouds to show me
BLUE SKIES!!!
an open mind shall kindly show
the Way.
i'll show you the world as i see it
everything, the up's & down's
the river valley's and the rocky peak's
all the color's & all the shade's
the road thats mine i kindly call
the Way
...
...now that the warning bell didn't
warn you. i am a verbal deviant.
uttering useless, non-descript statements
describe, in detail, my own true madness.
as to blind you as to what i meant
and hide away my Real Big Secret...
the years have kindly kept it...
the road could not but help it...
feign i'm narcaleptic...
washed in antiseptic...
all i have left is
this.

[yeah, YOU!]
in a dark, cluttered hallway
you sit
mumble nonsense to yourself
soaked in those deep, dark feelings
sorrow, pain, remorse, and guilt
you hope someone will see you
save you
from yourself
because, of coarse, its not your fault
you just want what
everyone wants
a little sunshine to themselves.