[---/nevermind]
---
can you tell me? is it now?
before this moment sputters out
counting seconds that make up a decade
always end up falling down
always so full of doubt
but these moments make a lifetime
and thats what i'm about

~~~
nevermind

hey darling,
do you even notice me?
i'm sitting over here;
sitting on my bed
with you!
-vision from my dreams.
oh honey,
don't you see me here?
i'm trying so damned hard
to be so cool.
despite my first instinct
that is
to jump on top of you.
my baby,
my angel,
sweet love of mine;
would it help me at all
if i
turned on the light?
it might just be
its hard for you to see
me
way over here
in the dark.
sweet, sweet
Erin;
my love...
pay no attention to
anything
i've written you
above.

[yup!]
read what i wrote you!
these words
they're for you!
the bastard children
of
only me.
sprung from within my
mind;
like Athena
& twice as bold!
splattered
just then
onto this caring page;
like a back-room abortion
too late into its term.
grasping for breath while
its dying,
turning blue.
waiting.
waiting for YOU!
to touch the breath that
touched your lips
to be read aloud and
to touch said lips.
you mouth them as your
eyes
stroke the page.
to be so slose to those
lips...
to touch them,
tease them,
please them...
i'd give my dying breath!
a word cast upon
some
unsuspecting page,
grasping in this moment
waiting to be read.

[ my heart ]
sit breathing lightly as
the sun peaks up
and
stare at the beauty
as she's sleeping
in
my bed.
if i lean in
to kiss her cheek,
she smiles
'cause
she knows it's me.
from feeling nothing
to
this new extreme
of thoughts
and
emotion
like a normal human
being.

the coolest license plate holder...
"if youre gonna ride my ass
you can atleast pull my hair"

[ void ]
vacant is the memory
as the thoughts race 'round
my head
too many people all
gathered here
pulling at a piece of me
this one wanting something
and others wanting more than that
my attention
my affection
my hopes my dreams and
my direction
but i have but one desire
to live in peace with my
one true other

[ separation anxiety ]
mondays are always circled on my
calender of affairs
for reasons i dont care to discuss
right now
and last night i decided
that i should just fucking tell her
honesty in style...
waking up to the sounds of a ghost
that kept me up for years
like this one time a few years ago
i woke up to a lover's tears
love is hard when you got tears
breathing love away with tears

but this old man, well
he's a real pro
he's got it in for the
holy ghost
not from fear, his love is clear
wash away all those years...

hidden away with some other things
a shoebox tucked beneith the bathroom sink
i found it late
late that fall
hidden away with some mysteries
the images that let me see
i was never loved at all

[ old ]
see
she sits
and stares.
an old lady now
but not always.
her years
they ran away from her
with out her
noticing
with out
her
permission
and now
she sits
and stares.
at nothing
because
shes got
nothing
else to do.

[ its a hard knock life ]
i woke up this morning,
rolled over,
and made love to my baby.
then she had to go
and i had to go with her.
i was too drunk last night and
left my car in front of her parents house.
we stood,
making out in her drive way
the bird
that always shits on her car
koo'd at us from the bushes
singing the sweet song
of love.
she blew me a kiss
and handed me a box of eggo mini's
i hoped in my car
lit up a clove she likes to smoke
for myself.
and drove home to pursue my day.

[ pavlov's dog ]
i have waited and tried to think it through; but the more i do
the more it fails to make a bit of sense. ive discussed it with my closest friends.
my peer's, my advisor's, my confident's. but this was born of my own mind.
that twisted thing behind my eyes...running hot on Overdrive since way, way back in '85.
i was born an old man, an 'old soul' or whatever. throw in an over-active imagination, severe mental-health-deficencies, and a hunger to
KNOW IT ALL!!!
stir and let simmer for 10 or more -odd years. an old-soul-basket-case
who never sleeps because, when alone, he has to dream and dreaming can be some scary shit. let the subconscience of this burgeoning mad-man loose?
Fuck That and Fuck You too!
if im going to sleep its going to be with chemical assistance, thankyouverymuch!
a self-inflicted semi-comatose vegative state to kill the dreams that my brain likes to make. left to stand in the clear with these burning questions and the answers far from view.

[ rotf lmao ]
yup...just what it says

...or rather doesnt say

hmmm...

there is so much comedy in the world

GOD!

...i love being alive!

[ my baby fights my battles ]

FW: obviously you can't take a hint


----------------- Original Message -----------------
To: Dunabhra
Date: Mar 16, 2005 1:09 PM

so i will write this is to you
simply
to avoid more
confusion&contact


are you ready?


THIS IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. NO ONE THREATENED YOU "FIRST"... NO ONE THREATENED YOU EVER...


if you are refering to this:

"
[can you say...]
i cannot change what
has
been done; the past isnt
important
right?
so why does my
blood
boil?
why am i swelling
with
rage?
i'd like to go down and
bash some teeth in
with my trusty floor-jack
bar of steal.
next is the signature
the knee-cap must go
yeah
i'm playing golf with it buddy
FORE!
i'd love to see a trend
develop here
people
all those who
are
the inexcusable
will be known for the very
noticable
limp
from the lack of a
right knee
"

... stop.

and stop assuming your ominous role in our thoughts...

you are pathetically frivolous... proven by your prodigal myspace gossip hunting & incessant note passing....

you just don't fucking get it.

stay out of my life, i promise i'll keep out of yours.

shoo fly, shoo.


<3 ~e



----god i love that woman!

[ bulge ]
lock eyes with the
fat-cat,
greedy, little monsters
gobbling up the freeway
like a natural resource
another new day of
rape
and pillage
cellular phone-tag
wars
with real bullets!
buying up humanity
to
sell it off
piece
by piece
laugh about it afterwards
over a nice, dry
martini

[...one last thought:]
the moment that we count as now
ever changing
full of peril
ups
and downs.
ecstatic joy
and pain; horrible, horrible
pain.
we roll with punches
we get knocked down
its how we deal with it
that measures a man
not his fists.

[ witty 116 ]
hey boy
youve got some pretty, pretty
words
hanging off your sleeve.
do you weep aloud? in public
places?
hanging out your thoughts
like it was laudry day
for feelings
for all the world to
critisize
that wicked, wicked world which you
despise
why bare yourself so naked to those
uncaring,
soulless eyes?
do you hope that they may
notice you?
shower you with their hollow words of
praise?
only to turn their eyes angrily at your
eager second try.
oh, you beautiful boy with that
motley collection of words
pinned on to your shirt
like literary pearls.

{quote of the week}
"whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."
~oscar wilde~

...and a special thanks to Michael for his assist on Saturday afternoon...
thanks buddy...hope you made it to church...

...oh yeah?
a pot-smoking, ghetto-fabulous, christian pre-school teacher with fake boobs...

...say it 5 times REALLY fast...

[ pondering good thoughts ]

at the start of a new day
when the sun begins its crawl
until the grandfather clock
chimes an ending to it all
can i sit here with a bottle
can i give up to the calm
im sure that happiness will follow
if i can believe anything at all
well,
the sun is gonna rise and
cleanse this body once again
so sick of trying now that ive
got something i can
believe in...

[ the silent observer ]
breathe into me
a whole new life. to be
over-stated &
much, too much, too
under-rated.
like the power
of a lover's smile.
an attempt to warm my blood
im waiting right here
for you
yeah, with few inhibitions
maybe i can put
my imagination to use.
or i can scream,
'Damn the Torpedoes!';
fuck fear
and the truth.
how long has it been
since
we felt like this?
never, never
never before.
no care, control
or a desire to.
just you, my girl
just you.
my heart
made of ashes
and used paper plates
is yours for the asking
to do
as you please.

you dumb friggin swede...
i find it hilarious that you
can
assume your own importance
and
relevance in my world
to be so great.
why would i be angry
with you
i got the girl.