[cold]
a krack! in the night & im up
the angels have stopped crying
distant sounds of the city
waking up...6am outside my window
its cold for october
all 4 days left
on comes saints day
eternal hallows eve
layered up, back in bed --- only to get up again;
hunt for, & find!;
beloved woolen socks...rarely to be taken off
again
til faithless spring equinox comes
bringing snuggie(tm)-warm coating of the sun
...
some driver passes below my head
stare into the nothing behind my eyes
imagination ---uncontrolled, wonders what these
people know; where do they go?
what dont i know?
...a great many things i suppose...

...like mental self-control

[contemplative compilation]
tell me,
love,
what should i be?
a comatose
or
lustful plaything?
a mind inside
that
rants
& raves?
a foolish
boy
no one
can save...

or something less
you throw away...
?

its 9 am now
& i must
awake
to fill the void
that love
forsakes...
& in my hole
where i
debate
the casual
happenstance
of life
led fate;
no sign of life
yet
to
contemplate...

...so much
strange
experience(s)...
to try and find
where
love
was spent...
1000 times
it came
& went...
on flames
of wings
that dreams
have sent...
...but left me
with a
hole inside
that which no one
gets...

tho once the mind
gets
set
then the wheels
they can have motion
& nothing, then, can
stop
this beast from going
like the planet
ever turning
& the people
always moving...;
if i could find
a moments choosing,
i would,
of coarse,
choose the one thats
losing
...thats just me
living poison.

[holy $h@#!]
odd in its brevity
damned as forthright
magic aint a part of this
no...
this just fucked up $h@#!

[pasty pastry]
i saw the Devil
eat
a doughnut
& walk off with
a laugh
from deep in His belly
& it occurred to me
just then
that there is
evil
in all us.
i once escaped into
the mountains
that whole
God-is-Great-country
thing
& i smoked
to get high
just to numb myself
of emotions
from the pureness
and utter
beauty
of things.
so i dwell now
in the open
i have no fear
just get lonely
for the evil
and the beauty
always
surrounds me.

[damnable thing]
my hearts still attatched
but my brain knows better
soon enough---
i WILL forget her
if i drink enough
everything will be
all-right
if i drink too much...
i may just...just...
fall away...atleast
for tonight

[shade]
theres a shade
like a whisper
that still
screams
thru mine eyes
for that
cause
of affection
-my affliction-
dug from memory.
theres a song
like a movie
someone's playing
right now
in the bar
that i drink in
to stop thinkin
and how.
they dont know
that you live
now
in my melodies
for my sanity
for what it does
to me.

[positive affirmation]
i dreamed of you
you were a succubus
preying on my
unconditional
love...
knowing what it means
to me---
on a string
just ahead of me...;
& in this dream
you showed me my
death
you asked me and said,
"isnt it glorious?
morbid & moribund; do you
see?!...?"
and it was just she said
it would be
my anima in infinity
my essence at rest
& it was
just as it should be...
nothing more
nothing less

[inconsistant]
trembling moments
flash of light
dazed & numb...
in my mind

so long to the
bad-land band of
ill-gotten gains
trade for the makings
of a
brand-new day

open anew
occular view
cranial change
of an old cavity

[woman]
she teases as she
pleases
me
knows all of my
secret
things
knows exactly
what i need
but doesnt give it
well,
not exactly...
she dangles it out
in front
of me
like a carrot
on a
string
knows full well
i can take it
just as i know
she doesnt fake it
with everything i am
GODDAMN!
i love that woman

X

[blah-se]
calm the mind
with silence
still the heart
with love
feel the body
loosen
& the soul
get lifted up

[totalitarian utilitarianism]
i am the darkness
i am the light
and when i believe this
i am whole inside

[blast]
shadow about the living-room space
dancing to the candle-light; bright-eyed &
wasted...
pass on an off-chance moment in time
in the tough shade of love, i live
totally blind
this starry-gaze of slight hazel hue
from the corner wall-hugging back-drop
view
stir in the silence-rendering night
live with the tough-love,
totally blind

[hmmmpfff]
when i needed something
you were not there
such a minor little thing
i thought only fair
a show of affection,
some sign that you cared
but you couldnt be bothered
to return what ive shared
now im left with a wanting
& you
just not here

[pseudo]
centered in me there lies
the dark chasm, childhood
there are things i cant
change
nor ever escape
from
its surrounded by light
& the brightness, come naturally
but 'ever it waits
there
knawing inside
me
& will remain still
when im gone

[pseudo-religious]
i lost my faith
& it may be
that
THAT
is the hardest thing
to replace

[open post]
what comes next is
anyones guess
the heart
the mind
the soul
the flesh
...needs
ignored for
what we
think
is best...
but natural to our very
existence
not love, nor lust
as we know it
something else
so different
something we must decide
is worth
all of it

[needs]
i am energized,
as i usually am
powered by all my
observations
i want
i think
i need
something...
to feel...?
...something...
real?
is it; am i;
is anything at all
really
real?
im out of passion
out of breath
and feeling
so much closer
to the death
i believe in
and thought i left
so long
ago

[naked]
a moment that i keep close to my heart
a simple thing, really; but
by and large
it does something, deep down inside
of me...
lets me know im still alive;
like a shard of glass buried below my
eye...
the moon-lit glow that holds you
close
paints your skin and inspires prose;
words that seem to just
flow...
stops me dead in my tracks; as i
trace the lines of your bare
back
the shadows the moon-light
casts...
captivating me
with the beauty of your form
art
au natural

[ star bright ]
i look at the stars & see
a million smiles raining down on me
thru the aeons of eternity
to fill me with...
something...














am i running away
or am i running towards
some future i have yet to discover
?

[ellipsis en vogue]
now is the time
sparkling new
the fat
no---
pregnant
possum
creeps thru
my new yard
& the spiders too
are multiplying
prolifically
everywhere i turn
spring is in view
the possum waddles off
to sleep
its early
still
there may be hope
for me

[loved letters]
i want to write a love letter
to her
an attempt to convey all these feelings
i have
for her
nothing grossly tangled in rhymes
or defined rhythms
no overly grandois analogies or
vague ish subtle references to
some thing
some place
some one
she may or may not even friggin
know
no,
i want to write just a pure & honest
love letter
to give
to her
about her
a declaration of my love &
adoration
for her
my respect & total acceptance
of all that makes her
HER
and this over-all & over whelming
fondness
that i feel
for her
one she'll read over 1000 times
and think of every day
each time it will make her
smile
for her
for me(!)
i want to write a love letter
and this time actually give it
to her

[pandoras neglected box]
she piqued for a sec and possiblities abounded and astounded
and left all involved feeling
very well rounded
but the thoughts led to motions that lead only to token
thoughts and expressions
and
vague-ish-type references
when i finally get what it took 8 hours to say
the moment has fled and left only a cold face
towards that which i just finally realized...(i am
pretty slow,
ye know?)
so it goes
so they say
may never know
we allowed obsticles to block our way

[office_space]
if nobody moves
the lights go out
is that true for the world?

[ it ]
unwavering
it
remains
all new
&
all the same
it
floods
&
it
drains
taking all
leaving
everything
still
it
remains
unwavering
despite
&
because
f everything...
it
remains

[ ah yeah ]
...and there she is
my un-nameable
in bright, vivid pixel
pastel hues
a coronary
waiting to happen
a breath of soul
a gods-honest-truth
(if gods can be honestly true)
to fill my empty
cavity
animate my limbs
a reason to create
created
an action
or
re-action
to a simple thing
that means the world
to me
her smile

{ quote of the week }
"all my life my heart has sought
a thing i cannot name"
~anon from "hell's angels" by HST

[thought]
run the gamut
feel the stab
the love i want
the love i have

[imbolic]
been delving deep, of late
inside this head of mine
looking back
to look ahead
these pieces of my past
create me
mold
me
shape me into
the man i am & hope
to be

{ sadness comes in 3's }

Howard Zinn

JD Salinger

????

RIP gentlemen

[memento]
mark my words
with time
it heals
strangers remarks
some subtle look
from mom
everything fades
with time
gotta love
time
the passing days
the moments
praised
shared
in love
these too
will fade
with time
the world turns
so we must keep
moving
or we too
will fade

with time...

[break the monkey]
static base
heartbeat
racing
ricochets(sp?)
off my inner
ear
each second hangs
like a life line/time
waiting
for a kiss
that
tastes
like love

[return]
pretty girls make pretty scars
walkin over my heart
in heels

{this day in history}
on this day in 1835, the US was debt free. there is some argument as to how long
it lasted...varying from 1 day to atleast a year...it is now at over 12 trillion!

[rosey beads]
my pennance is paid
in the love that i live
for it was
against
love
that i once sinned
i confess
& i
repent
each and every day
for my god-awful
sin
i showed such disdain
for the love that she
gave
so freely
& with out thought
i took & i took
i never gave a fuck
she promised
eternity
and i assumed it would be
assumption can fuck with
everything
now i have this debt to repay
for the love i had
but never really gave

...hours later & i
still
get a shiver
so much in my thoughts
no chance
to forget
HER
thru a dream & into
my mind
there she stays
behind my eyes

[love?]
what is most important
in dealings of love?
is it how she makes me
feel,
most of the time
or
the fact that its not
ALL
of the time?
i have been in this place
once or twice before
and
i have made mistakes.
i dont want to make
more
this self-conscience
and self-deprecating
place
i find myself now
reminds me of why
i
found
it so easy to shrug off
all hopes of ever being
in love,
its a fucked up feeling
highest highs
lowest lows
my bi-polar nature only
makes it
more so...
so why did i ever allow this
to happen?
why did i offer up more than
attraction?
yes, i am a hopeless
romantic
and
yes, i may be a fool
but mostly i did it
'cause
she asked me to

[dance]
so you wanna dance with the devil?
but
the devil dont dance
so you
kick off yer shoes and you
pull off yer pants
but the devils in a mood
which sometimes happens
when yer damned

so you call on the devil
but you
get His machine
it says
"leave a message"
but what kinda message do you leave?!?
so you try again later
and pray that He's home
but
who do you pray to,
&
where
does it
go?

--start--
just as long as i have this---
-a beer in the fridge
-a warm loving kiss
just as long as i have this---

[contemplate]
here & now
she cries out
in a dream
sends me off
thinking
oh---
the possibilities
watch your mouth
in the
here & now
dont let those
bed-bugs
dream
oh---
what shes done
to me
sends me off
screaming
now & then
i feel
somethings
but
here & now
i'd rather
dream

{Quote of the Week}
“ The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are made to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.” ~Jack Kerouac

[tempt]
tempt me not, you adulturous waif
send me not your bad vibe mojo
tell me all your secrets and fears
believe in me
and i will leave you in tears

[le sigh]
hollywood
i miss you
the petty vibes of the hipster scene
the street corner man who offers everything
your transvestite mexican streetwalkers
your coke-binging actors
the general smell of piss and sterno
and the late night walks where
i saw it all

{Quote of the week}
" In less than a year the Bush administration will strut
out of office leaving the country in roughly
the same condition
a toddler leaves a diaper"

from my mom

[depraved new world]
possibilities arise at the sound
of a word &
the grrrl of my dreams
it finally seems
wants me
and i can think of nothing
more
than her, naked, on my bed
am i fucked in the head?
as oh so many have said
so i may be depraved
so what?

{Quote for the Day}
"there is seriously something wrong with this counrty
when a persons greatest moment is the end of the day"

[digital repose]
blanket ashes on the ground
burned down all the things
that i found and kept around
so many titles, so little time
drunk again to forget my lines
such a jack n jill rhyme that i
well, i just about lose my mind...

{feckin hilarious}
i just did a google search for dirty pigeons and
this
came up


hahahahahahahahahahahaha

-bd

[pdx]
the sounds of this city
will
never leave
me
like the cold sudden
chill
of death

[sadness?]
the warm arms of my mistress
keep me from my
cold, dark, lonely nights

but i miss 'em

{excerpt}
them dirty pigeons
they are
lost in flight
and everythings fine
lost to her on a tuesday night
and everythings fine
once youre sure you can do no
wrong
if
everythings fine
& everythings fine...
you ll hang but deserved
(i dont need you)
cool hands from the dirt
(say you feel it too)
i know what you do
& i know its silly
come
back
to me...

[molded]
when the scarlet dawn flashes its first light
or when the girl you love first opens her eyes
does the the child inside scream out with delight?
or hold it back, hold it in; 'til he explodes
& dies?
never mind that painful beauty
pay no mind to that glory-light
will my voice, my words still die with me
if only my inner child dies?
when our dreams are but a memory
will our lives get folded back?
its been eight years relentlessly
knowing
all the things which i lack
the waters swell by the light of the
near-full moon shinning bright
will the moment come for truth?
feelings numbed and a heart thats dumb
(& still so young)
my life laid out as living proof
say you love me
say you do

[grrrr!]
knawed off at the ankles
but im still swimming deep
looking for that friend/lover
who wont abandon me
seems like theres more to this
seems so undeserved
so i close my eyes and whisper my prayers
and hope my prayers are heard

[balls!]
just manage to get things right
before the night closes in
to shroud me in darkness
once again
is she like me?
minus the apothecary side
are all hopes pinned to
the wrong sentimental thing?
shy away but keep going strong
because todays the day
whether im right or wrong

[a-okay]
i remain
as seasons change
everyday
the same but not
the same
i still remain
through dolls and dames
the joys and pains
through happy things
and horrors
and blame
i remain

...and i'd do it
all
again.

[something very...]
a rapid discharge of
cranial matter
smeared &
plastered
onto pressed bio-mass
shaped out and up
unto
canvas page
in
un-orderly
pollock-eque fashion
teetered on the brink
exchanged vows
with
the porcelin king
my throne
my home
and all
alone
sucking up airwaves &
spitting out
false
lines

[sleep]
still slightly lucid...just
enough
to write this down
she, lying next to me;
she,
tucked safely in dreams---
this life is better
than
any dream of mine
so i
dare not close my eyes
i'd rather be right here
right now
with her by my
side

[shaved]
was it mine?
or did we notice
was it alright?
or do we care
something hard
just came
before this
& now we're
peeling back
another layer

a million times
i called you
sweetheart
used to think
how do i dare?
now its early
do we ever notice?
& we're
peeling back
another layer

...just a thought...
i feel as though ive lost a piece of my humanity.
the constant bombardment of 'unfortunates' bumming
for change or a cigarette has worn me down. i now
find myself getting angry at them, hating them for
making me feel guilty. no where else have i seen
bums work so agressively. running across a street
to pounce on some unsuspecting target. coupled with
the sheer number of 'unfortunates' here in portland,
i am assailed, pursued, and beraided as many as four
times (but never less than once) in the six blocks
i walk to or from school. multiply that by two for
each walk (to & from) and add to that the assaults
i endure each time i go out for a cigarette each day
(whether at school or at home, i am especially a
target if i already have a lit cigarette) and i find
myself being hammered by bums sometimes more than
TEN TIMES A DAY!!! normal methods of avoidance like
not making eye contact rarely work. i have even been
insulted and cursed at by someone asking me for money!?!
in san fransico the pan-handlers have a smooth & more
laid-back system of bumming change. they congregate
around the haight street mcdonalds, starting drum
circles and jams up in the park and leaving just an
open guitar case or a bucket open for people to drop
money in IF THEY PLEASE. rarely does one find the
abbraisive and constant intrusion that we portlanders
are subjected to on a daily basis. in san fransico &
in los angeles (and in most other cities ive lived in)
i often gave a buck or two, or whatever change i had,
to an 'unfortunate'. i have taken quite a few out for
a meal. before i moved to portland i spent every holiday
season working in a soup kitchen. i used to feel a
great amount of sorrow for those who could not care for
themselves. i have listened to them, each with their
own story of sorrow and suffering. yeah, some are just
drunken wastoids. some have no one but themselves to
blame for their situation. but i wasnt looking to blame.
i just wanted to help. in the first three months that
i lived here in portland i gave out an estimated $200
in change and cigarettes! i am not a wealthy man, i am
not impoverished, but i am not wealthy. i cannot support
some of my own habits, let alone those of others. so
why should i feel such guilt everyday because of these
innumerable bums?; with their dirty faces, starving dogs,
tattered clothes, and lame excuses. i wish i could help
everyone who needs it. i wish i could hand out money
at will. but now i find myself closing up, getting angry,
losing my humanity, feeling guilty because I CANT.
some of the pan-handlers ive talked to in the past,
when i asked them how they do it...how they can ask
a complete stranger to give them money for nothing;
they have all answered, 'it doesnt hurt to ask'
well, i say to you now...all of you bums, pan-handlers,
vagabonds, vagrants, moochers, hobos, and unfortunates:
it DOES hurt to ask. it just doesnt hurt YOU.

*yes, i know writing a blog directed, in part, to homeless
people seems rather retarded...piss off, i needed to vent.

[peh!]
stop to be bothered
in the land of my father
shades of immeasurable grey
stop talking backwards and
feel free to move on
kept distant & removed
though
from you

hope you had a
happy birthday
babe

[words x]
what i cant say to you
is
everything
that i want to
held back by the fear
you wont like what you
hear
so
i dont say a word
about
everything i want to

[ricochet]
bullet-proof in my
self-deception
cant break away from my
vanity
too foolish to think
i am the fool
all too aware of
you



you make me feel this way
you make me feel
again
just when i didnt want to
anymore

[soon]
thoughts come too quick
sometimes
spouting out in fits
& ryhmes
bombarding my frontal lobe
with
mad designs
& thoughts
in overload
i cannot help these things
i know
too quick they come
&
so quick
they go

[her]
the fear
heavy mountain
the entire
weight of the world
here
in
the garden
my thoughts
return
to her

[orange soda]
taunt me, woman, with your
beauty
& words
speak of glorious unions &
true
blinding light
sasshay into picture
tease in a pose
i love how you tease me...
i love that you know

[ventilation]
breathe
a whole new life into
me
sterilized
so fresh & so
clean
a manifest
destiny
help me out of
purgatory
where my soul has wept
&
where it
bleeds
show me a whole new life
with traces of that vanquished
feeling
happy things
...
just remember
to
breathe

[coma]
learn to dream but
not
of dying
feel the weight when
its
all around
me
want to live if
its
worth
the suffering
just a day of
understanding

[dagnamit]
where do we go from here?
there'll be no fingers pointed
no vicious sneer
ugly, ugly words you wouldnt
want
your mother to hear
but where, o where my dear
do we go from here?
you've stated your reservations
and ive given up my
intentions
both still from fear
neither side wanting to get
hurt
but willing
to
maybe
try
a little?
:)
need some guiding light by which
to stear
figure out where we go
from here

[a fool with words]
nevermind the puns &
prose
that way with words
that
heavens knows
poor puntuation
&
the dream
aside
i'll have my way
with words
tonight

[void ix]
as if at once the joke was played
& the geisha girls go a go-go-rocking
down the calvacade
in electric vinyl tape
autumn leaves
a shallow grave
pour me out
into space

[0.k]
i wont alter my
perception
to the lonely void
for just one second
but i will align
my heart
& mind
to find some peaceful,
stabalized,
even grade
to
walk upon
&
feel
o.k.

("o.k" comes from the middle ages
when the plague was ransacking
the population; '0.k' meant was
painted on doors meaning Zero Killed)

[empty]
sitting here
my bottle
empty
feeling numb
&
a little
silly
crack a
smile
because
its ok
watch the
sun
rise
in a
different
way

[cool hand luke]
booby-trap in the blood red sky
tonight
ephervesent, diamond-like
its baby steps to
get
it
right
i guess i'll sleep alone
tonight

[ataraxia ii]
blush at the meaning
which
calms the mortal flame
experience in
numbers;
the ratio
that bleeds

[hey zeus]
daydream pisser, go on
just kiss her
who's the fool to know
a bitter sweet
memory
hanging in the back of your
mouth
rant
& raving
but its death im craving
& i want it
right
now

all of these feelings
will pass
ALL of these feelings
will
pass

[usury]
ancient beings belong together
nothing more
& the sciences of a lifetime
seeks
the inbetween
now & then
in the modest hopes
of
all that is
& the hopes of
what could be
AND that which she
WOULD be
such as
that
upon reflection
i am
better equipped
to speak these words
that
i reflect
after 14 years of so much
shit
and not much sense
to tell me what i cant
want to hear
im glad to see you're still
so
godamned pretty
you say im a
sexy man
shat upon in the younger years
so
whos to know
took such a small part
in
the infinite
but used as you
learn
to wield the power
that you never wanted
to know

[indeed]
strain to read the street signs
we're still
1000 miles behind
daylight-dreaming
on the asphalt
screaming
"you can do it!"
in foreign tongues
bow
to the craving
save only those worth
saving
theres no need to whisper
no need
to shout
no need
indeed

[counting sheep]
how do i sleep
when im losing my mind
each night
all of these horrible
dreams
keep me afraid of
closing
my eyes
there are terrible things
that wait
for me
on the other side
of
the light

lobotomy101

[sic et non du]
the sunshine is key
a safe harbour in the distance
safety is everything; everything is
safety
moonlight, calm waters
beauty turned
disaster
so much in this instant
too much
but i'll take it
mirror imagery
making funny faces at everything
calm in the waters
all said & done
sunshine and happiness and i
stick out my tongue

[blue]
drawn into a dream
slowly
like in the way, way back
discovery of strength &
the ever-present will that comes
with it
a shared smile that could mean
so much
the light of eyes to
illuminate
the soul
drown inside this dream of
lonliness
& come out clean

[red]
the sun breathes color
and i do too
shades of cold-wind, winter blues
thousands of dead leaves litter
the ground
the morning train & im up
too late
the sun 'll breathe color
into my face

[hot]
bashful understatement to the mood thats
over-rated
leave it be
and just
be free
but always
never
fake it

[get it?]
another bottle to keep me
warm
a loving family to do no
wrong
a disbelief in a
right or wrong
a little grief in a heart-
love song

a vacant stare
a kiss
goodbye
see you soon
on the other side...

[gruesome]
monsters knashing bits of
flesh
salivia stench of decayed
death
behind closed eyes lies
a
movie screen
showing my horrors mixed
with
fantasy

[crimean]
love me or move me
not
waiting for the world to stop
spinning
could've been, for a while
atleast
last time
you forced that smile
from cheek to cheek
in the photographs &
the painted faces
never mind
we'll never make it

[zilch]
passive look behind your
eyes
contemplate your
suicide
never leave or love
again
silly thing
my sin

[automaton]
vision fails to reach
into consequence
a sly look could
have a thousand meanings
but these trees wont
complain
about heartaching
pain
& the stone & timber
monuments
of men
still remember what it was
like
to be free &
then some
for
their memories run deep
like the ancient caverns
of a
Lovecraftian
wet-dream
catch a glimpse & an
entire story
unfolds
carried on legs, attatched to
feet
walk away
& scream

[balls]
i thought i could do this
but
apparently im not that cool
scratching surface deep feelings
am i just a fool?
a tool?
to be used by you
at your
leisure?
insatiable teaser.
but my heart is still fragile
(im still just a whore)
ive
sobered my ways these days
no more
running out the back door
no more
running away

[who]
the whole day deflated
like
an old balloon;
weary & tired &
dying too
soon.
you watched as the
feelings
played out
'cross my face;
despite all best intentions
it always ends
the same
gotta play the game
but them rules still apply
"someone must feel pain"
& so
it seems
that someone
is
I

[damned again]
as it seems
so shall it be
the naked
truth
devouring me
i'd love to run
but there is
no time
do my
thing
close my
eyes

[hostile]
the needles kiss & i
bite
my lip.
strangers dance & its
romantic
flower pedals
that bloomed
in june
& wilt away until
next may
when promises made
shall
hold some
truth

[sterile clean]
antiseptic delirium
with a
face
that masquerades
as a
stale smile.
cause and effect and im
calling in
all bets;
hedging in
hedgemony
while
laughing
(declared insane)
(& funny)
over this;
quite
over done.
kiss, kiss
baby
see you on the
run
(we both have our fun)

[still]
im still here---
sitting
& waiting.
waiting for the opportunity
sitting on my dairie-aire;
still
im here.
& i'll
still
be here
when the cows come
home;
when it all becomes
clear.
i'll be
here.
i can
sit
&
i can
wait.
that, sometimes,
is
all it
takes

[haiku II]

buddah sits
in summers gold
& spits into the
soil

(ok, not 'haiku' technically; but shut up)

weep not, angels; no----
the point where two lines cross is
the story untold

the story reads death
too many kids dying for not
---all we need is love

so

buddah rests in all
loving angels never know
-GOD- resides in eyes

[haiku]
live, baby; be free
stay away from loving &
stay away from me

[dump]
light up a smoke
in
the soft amber glow of the
city,
street-lights.
a wash in a warm glow
spreading
thru
my veins.
the city lays silent
tonight.
eerie,
in fact.
i can almost hear the ocean
growling.
like an amputee with a
phantom itch.
1000 year itch
like how i keep scratching
my
heart.

[dichotomy]
i loved you both
im sorry
i just couldnt help myself
me & my ego
me & my big
heart
me and this disease,
love
me
me
me
i
i
i
myself
& this
poem
alone.

the cats shit all over
mothers enraged at the ruined duvee
as i fly up, up
& away.

[final word]
casually spinning the truth
such a horrible, dishonest
prevalent thing to be doing
to twist the world
to YOUR
reality,
thats just fine and dandy.
but dont you preach to me about
'growing up';
not you.
like i'll understand and be
understood
if only i could wear
your googles.
so absent minded & self-obsessively
possesively
spinning in circles that you
forgot to add a little
truth.

[occidental]
the mystery of june
in full bloom
goes mad-man-dancing
into august
& the fruits of the
queens of a wet saturday night
september dreams
& dies soul-ly
in the black mud of creation.

adam wants his damned rib back
eve will have another heart-attack
now she knows what shes done
with the snake.

[gaud]
held in contempt for my
gaudy, god-like views
& as pretentious for all the
materials
i use.
in the fascist arena
im seen as a
un-kept mystery
with troubled, tortured
soul.
but i know
the heart of hearts of men,
in which lies all thats
defined
as devine
& the soul & the mind
collide
there.
tearing through the fabric
& veneer
of our very lives
(so dear)
look inside yourself and
find
for yourself
the heaven to match
this life of hell.

[beta betta]
whats it like being a fish,
my friend?
living a life of
just
existin'?
much sooner for you
will come
an end
but still you go on
just
existin'
oblivious
to outside demands.
just doing
what
you can.