[ celebrity you ]
so damn dependent on these chemicals
they pick me up & help me talk to
other people
ive got a reason if you've got a line
it might not be living
but it helps to pass the time
so not that bad
just dissatisfied
with this wicked world and this
failed attempt at life
place your judgements
you don't fuckin' know!
it just feels so good
and yes,
i DO say so
c'mon lets hurry
hurry
up
& go

[ms.understood]
remember that time when
we laughed at him
for thinking he meant a little
more than he did?
he read into these words through his
own self-importance
not stopping to think that
there's a little more to this
yes you had a part in that
yes you occupy my mind
but the 'you' in that story was just
a third-person 'i'
I
am the dumbass

[ well shit on me ]
no matter what you try do do
yer screwed!
and your pain and your happiness lies
intertwined
like two lovers drunk on wine
tho, they feel it in the morning when
they stand before another day
all scratched up and butt-naked
primative and beautiful.
and here you are
facing your life's future like a
road traversed by 1000 speeding cars
well, im having car troubles
can i hitch a ride with you
sorry i dont fuck strangers
even tho you're cute.
the open skies that shower down light
on an unsuspecting pair one night
feel the vacuum of it pulling on all sides
put your head down, walk that fuckin' line!
and oblivious,
like this
you tread that rough pavement
in your own goddamn head when
that car you didnt see comin'
runs your dumbass over.

========//=================

to the girl who showers my room
in her
beutifully scripted
and descriptive
words:
love is for real.
~{~@
happy 6 mo. e

<3

[eyevee]
...guess your mind's made up
you just have to hate what you dont love
so cruel with words
you stab at me hopping it hurts
i too in kind
i sometimes say what comes to mind
but it doesnt have to be
it doesnt have to be so blind....
i'll go outside
lite up a smoke & start to cry
but i'll pretend
it was only smoke burning my eyes
whatcha doing now
you wont even return my calls
are you calling it quits?
its all my fault, huh? now is-nt it?????

i want a lover but i need a friend
a little meaning to the shit thats in my head
im getting drunk now just because i can
im a better lush than ive ever been a man
ive got a reason if you've got a line
it sure aint living
but
it helps to pass the time...

VIIexveeeyeeyeeyeAUGHT'5

[ oh Sophia ]
what we know & the stupid shit we think
we know
or think we thought we knew
a brilliant mind; a lofty soul.
but oh---!
what an appetite for... well,
anything. like a headache, it
passes.
full speed
straight
a-
head!
the obvious, so far not apparent
to the eye of blind anger
pushes off those hard earned shackles that
bind
the heart, yearning to be free.
find an unused spot to lay
down & wait for whatever should happen

"que sera sera"

[i'm staying in tonite]
im not going anywhere
im gonna stay in tis room
i really dont like people
& i got shit i can do
im not going out tonight
no, not even with you grrrl
not even those sad, puppy-dog eyes
could get me to move
tonight
im not going to leave this room
AT ALL
ALL NIGHT
i swear this by the moon
im staying right here
& not just tonight
this is a new rule
the "hip" thing to do
until ive saved enough money
to once again move

[stawberry vodka]
purify my mindless spirit
in the spirits i imbibe
like a holy babtism in toxicants
to cleanse my whole damn life
wash me me clean of all my sins
and drink away all lies

[vegetinarian]
almost made it
nearly famous
bumbling little boy
initiate us
in that hell,
love
eat cheese thats made of
soy

[butt-hurt]
fighting in my brain again
dont know what she just said
and then...
when all the sex and all the drugs
cant put me right again.
try to shrug it off, i guess...
but its roaring in my ear!
drinking now to get some rest
& sleep is almost here.

[jeebus]
pulling out of this...
whatever this is. bare
as the day i was born.and
who knows?
i could emerge from out this
cloud
i wear to hide my appearance.
someday.
maybe monday.
but would you run from me?
if i expose my whole self unto you...
would you say goodbye to me
or will it
show me the
best
of
you.

[recovery]
everybody is always trying to
tell me what to do.
trying to.
but not you, my baby.
well,
why not you?
what say you?
what feminine twitch have you
got tonight?
oh?
not tonight?
tonight is my night
to bitch.
tonight is my night
and you're out with him.
interesting; very, very interesting.
atleast to that certain part of me
who i was back then
when
saying that you loved me
didnt come so automatically.
no,
you had to stop
and think.
looked at me hard and then
decided it was true.

[reckless abandon}
i get left here, standing reckless-ly
close to the edge. with a
bullet-proof vest and a concealed hand gun.
safety first!
when i finally recount the time it
took to write my first
love letter.
im amazed at how quality and i just dont
get real fucked up together.
she brings me a donut. i leave
flowers
at her car. but they never remain there
getting on towards the end of
the day.
a mind wound up tightly has been
let loose upon these
streets.
a decision must be made up
dont leave this shit to me.

[fast mass]
teething with the thought of it
angry, and im feeling you
drive it home the needle point
the needle's gonna pull me through
wish i didnt know some thoughts
like all the ones that hurt as much
as much as when im with you
hard enough to finish up
the path we soiled with ardent love
wish that i had more to do...

listen to the voices that are talking in my head
filling my mind with nonsense since i was but a kid
wash myself with terpentine just hoping to get clean
light me up a cigarette and head out to the street...

[parasite]
oh look, a lovely parasite
on his own, he cant survive
but if feeding on anothers life
not only does it survive, it thrives and thrives!
taking what it likes
intention in his eyes
if eyes belong on
such a lovely parasite

now here; a nice, plump facist disease
spreading yourself all over everything
infecting us when we breathe
inside, where its warm, it breeds
spreading through veins and arteries
on your soul it slowly feeds
devouring what it needs
to get to other beings
or living things
that wont be after they meet
this nice, plump facist disease

pretty little embyro
whatever happens, you should know
no matter what we love you so
even if you never get the chance to grow
or if you do and we just forget to show
and you in turn strike on your own
plant a seed
or see its sown
your very own
pretty little embryo



=========

hard is the way
long is the path
oh, god!how i wish
to get drunk
and fall on my ass

happy thoughts make me smile...
#121) asian business man driving in traffic singing along to mariah carey.
#122) the fact that i knew it was mariah carey.

\Eb

[1000]
but if everything you've ever known; was
all just a fantasy?
a thought
in a head somewhere.
trying to fuck with me...?
but those in the know know not to fuck
with me.
i cant take a joke.
no,
not while they laugh at me.
those people called friends
thru
some lapse in vocabulary.
and in my mind they are the same
they are right there with family.
a drain on my heart,
tempting my sanity.

they said those cruel, crule words
with painful intent. & i
wont show them anything
wont show it gets to me

i stumble and fall
and break into 1000 little pieces.

...and the band played on...?

the talk of the day is about the attempts in congress to eliminate the filibuster. this is yet another vicious attack on our constitution! doesnt anybody see this!? george bush says its for the purpose of maintaining a show of 'majority rule'. what?!? the constitution does not talk about majority rule. ANYWHERE!!! it speaks of protecting the minority from the majority. it talks of checks and balances. it talks of freedoms for the citizens of this nation. but lil george obviously did not read the constitution. he was too busy skipping class and getting dopped up. [i cant blame him, for i did much the same thing...but im not the friggin president!] in his tenure in office, little georgy bush jr has toppled or fucked with those three things so dear to myself and others. those things i could always think about and say, "goddamn, im glad to be an american!"
but its getting harder and harder. my one true joy left is my constitutional RIGHT to bad mouth my government with every dirty word in my vocabulary. my parents think that 'it will all be over soon. he only has a few more years and he's out of office'...MY GOD!!! thats what they said about HITLER! in his first term as president he took our enviromental laws back to the 70's, took our country to war, had the US expelled out of the GENEVA CONVENTION, brought back a reagan-style deficit, eliminated 15% of our civil liberties, and all by getting into office by CHEATING!!! in 3 more years, who knows what he could do! and lets not think that the Bush is the only one running the show. his pappy and rumsfield have had this whole idea mapped out since Iran-Contra and Ollie North. the republicans are not going to let go of the white house so easily. bush I got in after 8 years of reagan. and if a democrat does get into office, the republicans will spend the following 4 years nit-picking the lucky-shmuck about every little thing. making private affairs public. bush II has already over turned every major piece of legislation that the clinton administration was able to get thru between congressional hearings and inquiries. whereas the bush II administration ducks behind a veil of nationalsim whenever they are questioned about thier actions...another nazi-ish tie-in. there are documents KNOWN to have be seen atleast as high up as rumsfield detailing the torture of prisoners, there is question about bush I & II's ties to the saudi's---including bin laden's own family!, there are documents questioning bush II's time in the AIR-fucking-NATIONAL-GUARD, and the ultimate question: where's the friggin' weapons of mass destruction he was so sure saddam was working on??? not to mention what the fuck did iraq have to do with 9/11 anyway? werent they mostly saudi's???why arent we bombing Riyadh???
no, the democrats are to prissy to resort to the republican way of fighting, which is dirty. i hear they [the democrats] are going to gettogether and 'reorginize'...i also hear that they will get a little more conservative in an effort to win back the white house...
what a bunch of friggin meat-heads!
prior to the last election i wrote a letter to the democratic national comitee in which i begged them to stop leaning left in an effort to win the bastards who sit on the fence...who pander to both sides. they [the DNC] always do that! they are so afraid of seeming too radical! or too liberal! fuck! so was John Lennon! so was JFK! so was George Washington!!! every person who has been deemed to leftist for conventional politics is a friggin' model of what i consider to be great.

dot dot dot

i am running out of breath and my head is starting to hurt. i feel like the america i grew up in, that flagship of freedom! -has been taken away from me. i have read what i could of both the USAPatriot Acts [...in case you didnt know, number II went through about a year after number I, with less fanfare but more damaging...] and about 20-25% of American Civil Liberties were shelved on behalf of 'national security'. i also feel that those of you in the 'heartland' of America are to blame, along with the under 20 year olds [who just didnt bother showing up on election day]. you citizens who live between the Rockies and the Appalachian's...who voted for Bush II despite everything we knew after 2000...drink up while you can. your ground water is polluted with mercury, your children are dying in a foriegn country, your health care has been given away to illegal residents, and your rights have been removed. america has been defiled, our grandfather's weep. the squatter in the white house is using the constitution to wipe his ass and he's laughing his odd-shaped-head off.

-bd

[*]
salivating waiting for a phone call
hesitating baby not at all
opinions are for suckers to be swallowed like lemons
shot thru the mouth of some wide angle camera
spooned into hungry mouths baby force-feed
spell out a problem with some paper clips
drop me a line grrrl if you got a sec
im laying down by the railway station
waiting for just one thing
the enivitable
the crushing defeat but it never comes
and instead i find im sleeping beside her
wearing nothing but our clothes
no barriers or problems that cant be dealt with, words
that can set us free
dining on the greatness of you and what you are in my eyes
my opinion
which the only other thing i give two fucks about.

...feeling kinda lazy, so...
for more goodies check out this

[last night]
the mean blue lights of disco,
baby
im holding out my heart,
bubble-wrapped
goddamn, and she says she loves me
while we're getting busy
in the sack
she's short of breath,
im dangerous!
am i ok or
am i moving too fast?

hold on to me
lets find out whats real
and everything else
will fall away

[fuck me III]
i havent the time nor the
state of mind. to
dwell over these things being
shoved before my eyes.
like the girl coming over to
play with me
after she gets some other poor sap to buy
her them drinks
not me
no, no
thats not me!
or how about the victim
who swears they did no wrong
and wonders how a God
could've let this go on.
standing in the tattered evening wear
that once cost a fortune
but like the innocence lost
morality tear's.
fool of a hypocrite, you know
you're not worthy
to stand before God like that
you're a man
you are dirty.

[ priceless ]
im hot and im bothered
im stung by your bee
to the much needed/ loathed
soft-side in me
words that do hurt
when its not what was said
but rather the manner in which it was said
suppose i stopped my heart
as it were a casual affair
could i go on living
knowing what was but
is not there...?
a heart, weak
a sore throat
a pain in my gullivar
im sayin
goodnight.

[ feel this ]
it lingers for a moment
hangs tight inside the air
brushed away like a bad smell
& scattered to the night.
precious words roll like thunder
she shivers in the cold
dance with me all goddamn night long
then hold me like a kitten.

move with the words, the sound of the rythm
so many heart-beats sounding in tune
i think that i may be in love with this moment
but darlin
i know
im in love with you

[dribble]
i paint
this picture,
etched upon
time.
i fracture
the
over-head
moon
light
into many
other
me's.

[permission]
to be allowed
to do the thing.
that wonderful
thing.
that which makes
me.
who i am
& want to be.
to be
the thing
that's me.

[flight school tragedy: death of a dirty pigeon]
hey YOU!
you dirty pigeon
you.
you filthy fiend
you.
they killed
you.
dead
you.
rotting corpse
you.
poor, poor
you.
you mangy thing
you.
rat with wings
you.
dirty, filthy, mangy
rotting-corpse
you.
poor, poor dead
you.
you dirty pigeon
you.

[ rain drops cover tears ]
if your cold,
& you want to,
we could find some place
to hide.
away from the crazy people
who
hound & torment you;
who
look at you with
prying eyes.
wrap ourselves
in body-heat
wash away the fear
of
all those trials &
tribulations;
denials &
expectations.
...to find our solace
in the place
of a
tear.

[warning-bell]
i'll tell you what i think
if my thoughts can blow away
disappear like a dream each morning
part the clouds to show me
BLUE SKIES!!!
an open mind shall kindly show
the Way.
i'll show you the world as i see it
everything, the up's & down's
the river valley's and the rocky peak's
all the color's & all the shade's
the road thats mine i kindly call
the Way
...
...now that the warning bell didn't
warn you. i am a verbal deviant.
uttering useless, non-descript statements
describe, in detail, my own true madness.
as to blind you as to what i meant
and hide away my Real Big Secret...
the years have kindly kept it...
the road could not but help it...
feign i'm narcaleptic...
washed in antiseptic...
all i have left is
this.

[yeah, YOU!]
in a dark, cluttered hallway
you sit
mumble nonsense to yourself
soaked in those deep, dark feelings
sorrow, pain, remorse, and guilt
you hope someone will see you
save you
from yourself
because, of coarse, its not your fault
you just want what
everyone wants
a little sunshine to themselves.

[goodbye great-grandma]
the gone days of youth
&
youthful thinking
expired
as soon as i
saw
the Truth.
long before the pubic-hair,
changing-voice,
and female cares;
in a chapel---baby blue
my first corpse.
someone i cared about,
someone i knew.
in those playground days
that number was a precious few.
it hit me right there
as i stared,
trying not to stare.
i walked up the aisle
from out my mother's hands
looking at death
square in the eyes.
a child of maybe five?
death looked at me
and winked.
"it's not your time yet,
laddy. but someday we will
meet."

we can either sit and wait
for death
in our office chairs,
lay-z-boy's, bucket-car-seats;
or
take each moment as it comes;
as something precious
before its done.

[#1]
drink up to help you feeling down; laugh as all your feelings drown; into dust & city pipes; atleast, for now, you feel alright; tomorrow will bring problems of it's own; sorrow, i'm sure, will be #1; but tonight needs me sedated; completely shit-faced and fucking wasted; just so i might get some sleep; i don't want to feel a goddamn thing.

[aw, shucks!]
im feeling rather short of breath and
my
heart is pounding in my ears.
kind of like all them goddamn voices
i
keep locked-up inside my head.
my body's numb but,
yet
tingling from
the top of my head to the tip's of my toes.
a sensation felt usually
with
the extacy i know.
every second it builds more & more
& more...

swallow me in those darling eyes
wrap me in your arms to die
let your smile get me high
& never, EVER!; say
goodbye.

[---/nevermind]
---
can you tell me? is it now?
before this moment sputters out
counting seconds that make up a decade
always end up falling down
always so full of doubt
but these moments make a lifetime
and thats what i'm about

~~~
nevermind

hey darling,
do you even notice me?
i'm sitting over here;
sitting on my bed
with you!
-vision from my dreams.
oh honey,
don't you see me here?
i'm trying so damned hard
to be so cool.
despite my first instinct
that is
to jump on top of you.
my baby,
my angel,
sweet love of mine;
would it help me at all
if i
turned on the light?
it might just be
its hard for you to see
me
way over here
in the dark.
sweet, sweet
Erin;
my love...
pay no attention to
anything
i've written you
above.

[yup!]
read what i wrote you!
these words
they're for you!
the bastard children
of
only me.
sprung from within my
mind;
like Athena
& twice as bold!
splattered
just then
onto this caring page;
like a back-room abortion
too late into its term.
grasping for breath while
its dying,
turning blue.
waiting.
waiting for YOU!
to touch the breath that
touched your lips
to be read aloud and
to touch said lips.
you mouth them as your
eyes
stroke the page.
to be so slose to those
lips...
to touch them,
tease them,
please them...
i'd give my dying breath!
a word cast upon
some
unsuspecting page,
grasping in this moment
waiting to be read.

[ my heart ]
sit breathing lightly as
the sun peaks up
and
stare at the beauty
as she's sleeping
in
my bed.
if i lean in
to kiss her cheek,
she smiles
'cause
she knows it's me.
from feeling nothing
to
this new extreme
of thoughts
and
emotion
like a normal human
being.

the coolest license plate holder...
"if youre gonna ride my ass
you can atleast pull my hair"

[ void ]
vacant is the memory
as the thoughts race 'round
my head
too many people all
gathered here
pulling at a piece of me
this one wanting something
and others wanting more than that
my attention
my affection
my hopes my dreams and
my direction
but i have but one desire
to live in peace with my
one true other

[ separation anxiety ]
mondays are always circled on my
calender of affairs
for reasons i dont care to discuss
right now
and last night i decided
that i should just fucking tell her
honesty in style...
waking up to the sounds of a ghost
that kept me up for years
like this one time a few years ago
i woke up to a lover's tears
love is hard when you got tears
breathing love away with tears

but this old man, well
he's a real pro
he's got it in for the
holy ghost
not from fear, his love is clear
wash away all those years...

hidden away with some other things
a shoebox tucked beneith the bathroom sink
i found it late
late that fall
hidden away with some mysteries
the images that let me see
i was never loved at all

[ old ]
see
she sits
and stares.
an old lady now
but not always.
her years
they ran away from her
with out her
noticing
with out
her
permission
and now
she sits
and stares.
at nothing
because
shes got
nothing
else to do.

[ its a hard knock life ]
i woke up this morning,
rolled over,
and made love to my baby.
then she had to go
and i had to go with her.
i was too drunk last night and
left my car in front of her parents house.
we stood,
making out in her drive way
the bird
that always shits on her car
koo'd at us from the bushes
singing the sweet song
of love.
she blew me a kiss
and handed me a box of eggo mini's
i hoped in my car
lit up a clove she likes to smoke
for myself.
and drove home to pursue my day.

[ pavlov's dog ]
i have waited and tried to think it through; but the more i do
the more it fails to make a bit of sense. ive discussed it with my closest friends.
my peer's, my advisor's, my confident's. but this was born of my own mind.
that twisted thing behind my eyes...running hot on Overdrive since way, way back in '85.
i was born an old man, an 'old soul' or whatever. throw in an over-active imagination, severe mental-health-deficencies, and a hunger to
KNOW IT ALL!!!
stir and let simmer for 10 or more -odd years. an old-soul-basket-case
who never sleeps because, when alone, he has to dream and dreaming can be some scary shit. let the subconscience of this burgeoning mad-man loose?
Fuck That and Fuck You too!
if im going to sleep its going to be with chemical assistance, thankyouverymuch!
a self-inflicted semi-comatose vegative state to kill the dreams that my brain likes to make. left to stand in the clear with these burning questions and the answers far from view.

[ rotf lmao ]
yup...just what it says

...or rather doesnt say

hmmm...

there is so much comedy in the world

GOD!

...i love being alive!

[ my baby fights my battles ]

FW: obviously you can't take a hint


----------------- Original Message -----------------
To: Dunabhra
Date: Mar 16, 2005 1:09 PM

so i will write this is to you
simply
to avoid more
confusion&contact


are you ready?


THIS IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. NO ONE THREATENED YOU "FIRST"... NO ONE THREATENED YOU EVER...


if you are refering to this:

"
[can you say...]
i cannot change what
has
been done; the past isnt
important
right?
so why does my
blood
boil?
why am i swelling
with
rage?
i'd like to go down and
bash some teeth in
with my trusty floor-jack
bar of steal.
next is the signature
the knee-cap must go
yeah
i'm playing golf with it buddy
FORE!
i'd love to see a trend
develop here
people
all those who
are
the inexcusable
will be known for the very
noticable
limp
from the lack of a
right knee
"

... stop.

and stop assuming your ominous role in our thoughts...

you are pathetically frivolous... proven by your prodigal myspace gossip hunting & incessant note passing....

you just don't fucking get it.

stay out of my life, i promise i'll keep out of yours.

shoo fly, shoo.


<3 ~e



----god i love that woman!

[ bulge ]
lock eyes with the
fat-cat,
greedy, little monsters
gobbling up the freeway
like a natural resource
another new day of
rape
and pillage
cellular phone-tag
wars
with real bullets!
buying up humanity
to
sell it off
piece
by piece
laugh about it afterwards
over a nice, dry
martini

[...one last thought:]
the moment that we count as now
ever changing
full of peril
ups
and downs.
ecstatic joy
and pain; horrible, horrible
pain.
we roll with punches
we get knocked down
its how we deal with it
that measures a man
not his fists.

[ witty 116 ]
hey boy
youve got some pretty, pretty
words
hanging off your sleeve.
do you weep aloud? in public
places?
hanging out your thoughts
like it was laudry day
for feelings
for all the world to
critisize
that wicked, wicked world which you
despise
why bare yourself so naked to those
uncaring,
soulless eyes?
do you hope that they may
notice you?
shower you with their hollow words of
praise?
only to turn their eyes angrily at your
eager second try.
oh, you beautiful boy with that
motley collection of words
pinned on to your shirt
like literary pearls.

{quote of the week}
"whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."
~oscar wilde~

...and a special thanks to Michael for his assist on Saturday afternoon...
thanks buddy...hope you made it to church...

...oh yeah?
a pot-smoking, ghetto-fabulous, christian pre-school teacher with fake boobs...

...say it 5 times REALLY fast...

[ pondering good thoughts ]

at the start of a new day
when the sun begins its crawl
until the grandfather clock
chimes an ending to it all
can i sit here with a bottle
can i give up to the calm
im sure that happiness will follow
if i can believe anything at all
well,
the sun is gonna rise and
cleanse this body once again
so sick of trying now that ive
got something i can
believe in...

[ the silent observer ]
breathe into me
a whole new life. to be
over-stated &
much, too much, too
under-rated.
like the power
of a lover's smile.
an attempt to warm my blood
im waiting right here
for you
yeah, with few inhibitions
maybe i can put
my imagination to use.
or i can scream,
'Damn the Torpedoes!';
fuck fear
and the truth.
how long has it been
since
we felt like this?
never, never
never before.
no care, control
or a desire to.
just you, my girl
just you.
my heart
made of ashes
and used paper plates
is yours for the asking
to do
as you please.

you dumb friggin swede...
i find it hilarious that you
can
assume your own importance
and
relevance in my world
to be so great.
why would i be angry
with you
i got the girl.

[pause]
last nite i saw something
and it cleared up
my head

[omg]
silly little things can
make me feel sweet
again
having their way
with me
and stay while im in bed
sleeping.
darling,
you know whats best for me
'cause you are that very
thing
so unexpectedly
you fit like a puzzle piece
right into my blue sky
and
right now,
i dont want to think
'd rather just let things
be
and live out this life.

[ running smooth ]

a well-oiled machine

[can you say...]
i cannot change what
has
been done; the past isnt
important
right?
so why does my
blood
boil?
why am i swelling
with
rage?
i'd like to go down and
bash some teeth in
with my trusty floor-jack
bar of steal.
next is the signature
the knee-cap must go
yeah
i'm playing golf with it buddy
FORE!
i'd love to see a trend
develop here
people
all those who
are
the inexcusable
will be known for the very
noticable
limp
from the lack of a
right knee

[ most especially today ]
oh my god!
these fuck-nut, dim-wit, goddamn yuppie shits!
driving around like maniacs
with kids!
SUV's like bullets in the storm
dodging the red-lights
with cell-phone side-arm
i honk at you, bitch
yeah, im talking to you!
you're husband is fucking his secretary!
he's a commission only martgage loan officer!
he's sold off your kids education
for a tax break and some blow!
GODDAMN!!!
goddamn you for making me this angry!

[pfff!]
i power out this shit
so
why cant i make
a dime
why isnt some
money-bag producers
calling me
saying to me
we love what you do
we love who you are
we want to exploit you
put your face on a hundred dollar bill
why?
because fat-cat money-men
handle the less aware
they're scared of me
they know i'd laugh in their faces
all the way to the bank

[pseudo]
rocking back and forth
on a train thats bound for paris
france
lost in the back
with my luggage in
limbo
i danced with the faery
of my solitary
nights
she dances
with sugar
i spiked with my tea
and the language barrier
was not even seen
four words and im hopeless
again
and she winks...

[b]
i was locked in a cage
with all this time on my hands
staining them red
as if blood from the dead
like a bird with clipped wings
how i wanted to fly
and the scariest thing
not once did i cry
at the ghastly things
that i saw that they did
brutal animal-fucks
they deserve what they get

[ spl-it! ]

with your hair in your face
you look pessemistic
would it help if you loved
and im sure that he does
in the moments we laugh
will you sit all alone
in the back of your home
you once shared with a man
who said he loved you back
but it wasnt enough
no it wasnt enough
for you...

crawling all the way back
to that place in your head
where we felt every touch
and he knew we cared
when you stare at the face
staring out from a mirror
do you want to laugh out
or make you want to cry...

help...

im finding harder and harder
to breathe
an everyday thing
that shouldnt take anything
but im losing the drive
im losing control
im lost and cant find my way home
carry me there
lay with me there
sleep

[pfff!]

drink away this
night with
me
im drunk and im horny
and have no where else
to be

[indeed]

...to the creatures of last night
who hung with the groove
thanks for the high times
we must do it again soon

[ lines ]
parallel lines running
parallel
up & down the street
they go
bright &
shiney
and a pretty yellow
parallel lines running
parallel

[ my life in words ]
can i scream at you
these voices
that scream at me
in my head
9000 screaming
voices
repeating over
and over
and over...

can i paint for you
a picture
would you love it?
do you?
i can spill my
heart in
ashes
lay it all out
for you
repeating over
and over
and over...

yeah...
you're life isnt meaningless...
...that is what im looking
for someone to say

[unreality}
so i misplace trust
in things that
misrepresent
all the solace we keep
in the things
that we speak
falling far from your
grace
and i wont repent
no i wont
repent
its this thing that we
hide
from ourselves
and
outside
but i guess
everyone
knows
but its you
and i
that
keeps it from being
true

now there's a thought...
Being Straight
is Gay.

the way it is as i see it...
we have idiot-proof'd the world
placing warning labels on everything
now they are taking over...

[ cant be held accountable ]
flying high on an airplane again
cigarette shakes in my hand
i cant believe what They said...
told that damn lie again
told us a lie and maybe its true
so played out for you
tear at the wires all the time
but it just keeps coming out...

can i drift with you tonite
on these could-be-clouds around me
would you tell her that i said its alright
alright...
alright now,
-

spent all last night
in the terminal-lounge
just me and this guy on a pill that he found
playing for the empty halls
playing just to make some noise
playing cause theres nothing else to do...

if i cant be held accountable
id like to drift tonite
on these would-be-could-be clouds around me
she says that its alright
alright...
all right.

[blonde/monkey]
vagrantly drift into town
not a dime to my name
nor a sense to get out
find a dark corner
make it my own
sleep
sleep
silence is ruptured by a screeching owl
torment combined to piss me off
howl and beat my head
mercilessly blue
another dark corner
life with out you

[ pre-natal natural things ]

what i dont know
could fill
volumes
books
but who wants to
read?
i wanna run
out in a field of
wheat
covered in starlight
dripping with
dew
and watch the world
be born
again
at 6:22a

[ last ]
i wish you had
spent the night
in my bed
in my arms
but i think its best
that you did not
'cause i snore
like a goddamn
ox

[pretty]
she who knows
so much about me
the good
the bad
the fuckin' ugly.
no one knows
why she still loves me
least of all
me

i may be
pretty
but im
broke as hell
got some personality
that comes
and goes
still nobody knows
why she still loves me
least of all
me

[ shit! ]
all these thoughts
race 'round
my mind
too many thoughts!
thats why
i
get high!
so why the FUCK
did i do
that line?!?

[ gawdammit ]
here i am again
yes
again
how many times
is this?
how many lines
is this?
im running low
on fuel
im running slow
for you
yes
you
so, here i am
again
not the first
time
nor
most certainly
the last

[ all my love...]
junkies
strippers
hookers
whores
head-master's daughter
a dear friend's sister
room-mate's ex-girlfriend
your current girl...

ive had them all
naked
in my bed
as lovers
or playthings.
all of them
willing
to play some part
with me.

[tyger]
time to dance,
tiger!
let it all hang out.
mighty, mighty
tiger!
stand out in the
crowd

[ extra inning ]
99 players
all know the
score
each player hoping
to make
the winning
score
to bask in the glory
to feel all that love
what a sad sad
feeling that must be
to need others for love.

[ dark-age horse ]
i go crazy
with these thoughts
of her.
i go crazy
'cause shes all up
in my head.
obessesing,
demented.
and i love
every minute
of it.
i go crazy
yes, im out of
my head.
scrambled,
and yet
serious.
i go crazy
with these thought
of her.
and i love
every minute
of it.

[ quilting moving pictures ]

and so...
shall it become
that unspeakable
thing
a look
and nothing more
or
after these feelings
we hold
you and i
for better or
worse
WE must
decide
either way
if its all the same
to you
a game between
friends
no one can
lose
when friends still
remain
at the end of the game

[ new ]
dont get me wrong
im condusive
to your
thought
i wont give in
to that
blasphemous
part of me
but i smell you on my clothes
i close
my
eyes
and give a
crooked smile
dont get me wrong
i just want the chance
to do it better

[ bold ]
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other,
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO - What a ride!"

[ L.A.B.I.A ]
starting a new organization: Lesbians Against Bush In America, or LABIA for short...anyone interested in joining email me

**one need not be a lesbian to join up

[ i love you ]

she gets wierded out
whenever i say it
she thinks it has
something to do
with my physically
wanting
her
she gets bummed
out
by yet another guy
who just wants
to be
with her
she thinks
i cant be
the one
who sits on
the sideline
laughing
his ass off
shes afraid
that to love me
is to kill
herself
im not afraid
i am not
wierded out
i am just a guy
who enjoys
all that you are
and yes
i do
love you
and all
that you are
ALL
that you are

[ bad baby ]
i met a jewel
in ruby
red
she married me in the
morning
in each others
arms
we
spent the night
and parted in
the morning

[ chinaski ]

neil and i went to Henry Charles Bukowski's grave in Rancho Pales Verdes today...we shared a bottle of cheap ass sangria with a guy whose been dead for over 10 years...what did YOU do today?

[ tantalizing ]
"...
the albatros is fake,
the universe is a shoe,
there are no heros,
there is only a mouse
in the corner
blinking its eyes,
there is only a corner
with a blinking mouse,
two toads embrace
whats left of the sun
as the monkey
manages a tired
smile."

thanks chuck

[by the way...]
i cant tell you
what it is i
want
frankly
i dont even
know
so
YOU
TELL
ME
what do you
want?

[ funny-ha ha ? ]
...do you really want to trip somebody out?
drive up beside somebody on the freeway
and just wave and smile at them...

[ holding court ]
the oldest man
there ever was
sat in court
with me today
face like leather
cracked & torn
he spoke no english
he wore only denim
they threw him in jail.
hand-cuffs over worn-hands
cracked hands
knarled hands
his eyes didnt see-
what i saw...
i could tell.

[pavolov's dog]
often i look
with a side-ways
glance;
slowly, behind me
at this movie
i have made.
the ups & downs
the various degrees
of love.
each deserve
some starring
role
in this movie
i have made.

[dont tread on me!!]
sometimes
a rift between lines
can part the clouds
and relinquish my heart
from bondage

[adult insurection]
i sit
& i wait.
i sit
in a garden
in the morning.
i sit
& i wait.
i sit
pondering
& posturing.
i sit
& i wait.
i sit
and i watch the sky bourne days go by
hour after hour after hour...
i sit
& i wait.
i sit
& i dream a little dream of you
a better dream that will come true (goddamit!)
i sit
& i wait.

[be:hold:en]
you terrorized the
name
of a classic,
all-time rebel
to
me
that name is
damaged
that name
is done
void where
prohibited
subject
to approval.

[congress]
oh you silly
people
and your abstract
hair
dont you realize
roughly
2/3
of the human
population
lives in
poverty.
whilest
you, the teenage
prom-queen
dudded up in
fashions
that cost
enough to
feed a family of
four
in cambodia for a
month.

[ the 64 million ruble question ]
if someone made a movie about you and/or your life; what catagory would it be under @ Blockbuster(tm)?
a) drama
b) comedy
c) action
d) horror

???

[ re:vamp:ed ]

one day i dreamed i had her; on a blanket, on my bed; and we lay in silent happiness; while the song played thru my head; i drank up all the wonder; in extacy i
drown; but all along i sleep alone; with the record turning round; in tempered fits i sleep; my dreams, incomplete; as hard as i try; that dream that i prize...; eyes wide open; staring at the ceiling; praying for death...;it never comes...
hollow &
hard
scattered &
scarred
fate head-on
on the
run

[now there's a thought...]

"grrrl's always get weirded out
by the size of
the knot
in my back"