[contrary]
swallow up that pride,
my son...
& convince thy self that
love
, sweet love...
of story-book/fairy-tales
(lies,
each & every one)
believe what youu need
that its there for the taking
worth any effort (even breaking)
so try
try
TRY!!! (goddammit)
...so that when sober moments come
& the curtains open up
there is only
truth,
sweet truth
(unbiased proof)
reveals the obscene use
the loniness feared all along
(in time; & in youth)
cant be denied
accept it
its you

[vortices]
some how
some way
even still...
she moves
me.
unshakeable
like
gravity...
always
pulling me
in.

[perfected]
she moves in waves of audible light
& sways, sashays, in time
alright?
with stunning grace of the
instinctive kind
hypnotized...
shes hypnotizing...
lost into its rhythm
calling
from primal parts in hiding
deep dark corners of the mind
seductive
& sensual
every movement pre-defined
by ancient worship
rites
enshrined

[medal of honour]
draw in deep
hold that breath
heart pinned & worn
to my chest
no sorrow now...
whats done is done
stoic mind
forgotten one

[cold]
a krack! in the night & im up
the angels have stopped crying
distant sounds of the city
waking up...6am outside my window
its cold for october
all 4 days left
on comes saints day
eternal hallows eve
layered up, back in bed --- only to get up again;
hunt for, & find!;
beloved woolen socks...rarely to be taken off
again
til faithless spring equinox comes
bringing snuggie(tm)-warm coating of the sun
...
some driver passes below my head
stare into the nothing behind my eyes
imagination ---uncontrolled, wonders what these
people know; where do they go?
what dont i know?
...a great many things i suppose...

...like mental self-control

[contemplative compilation]
tell me,
love,
what should i be?
a comatose
or
lustful plaything?
a mind inside
that
rants
& raves?
a foolish
boy
no one
can save...

or something less
you throw away...
?

its 9 am now
& i must
awake
to fill the void
that love
forsakes...
& in my hole
where i
debate
the casual
happenstance
of life
led fate;
no sign of life
yet
to
contemplate...

...so much
strange
experience(s)...
to try and find
where
love
was spent...
1000 times
it came
& went...
on flames
of wings
that dreams
have sent...
...but left me
with a
hole inside
that which no one
gets...

tho once the mind
gets
set
then the wheels
they can have motion
& nothing, then, can
stop
this beast from going
like the planet
ever turning
& the people
always moving...;
if i could find
a moments choosing,
i would,
of coarse,
choose the one thats
losing
...thats just me
living poison.

[holy $h@#!]
odd in its brevity
damned as forthright
magic aint a part of this
no...
this just fucked up $h@#!

[pasty pastry]
i saw the Devil
eat
a doughnut
& walk off with
a laugh
from deep in His belly
& it occurred to me
just then
that there is
evil
in all us.
i once escaped into
the mountains
that whole
God-is-Great-country
thing
& i smoked
to get high
just to numb myself
of emotions
from the pureness
and utter
beauty
of things.
so i dwell now
in the open
i have no fear
just get lonely
for the evil
and the beauty
always
surrounds me.

[damnable thing]
my hearts still attatched
but my brain knows better
soon enough---
i WILL forget her
if i drink enough
everything will be
all-right
if i drink too much...
i may just...just...
fall away...atleast
for tonight

[shade]
theres a shade
like a whisper
that still
screams
thru mine eyes
for that
cause
of affection
-my affliction-
dug from memory.
theres a song
like a movie
someone's playing
right now
in the bar
that i drink in
to stop thinkin
and how.
they dont know
that you live
now
in my melodies
for my sanity
for what it does
to me.

[positive affirmation]
i dreamed of you
you were a succubus
preying on my
unconditional
love...
knowing what it means
to me---
on a string
just ahead of me...;
& in this dream
you showed me my
death
you asked me and said,
"isnt it glorious?
morbid & moribund; do you
see?!...?"
and it was just she said
it would be
my anima in infinity
my essence at rest
& it was
just as it should be...
nothing more
nothing less

[inconsistant]
trembling moments
flash of light
dazed & numb...
in my mind

so long to the
bad-land band of
ill-gotten gains
trade for the makings
of a
brand-new day

open anew
occular view
cranial change
of an old cavity

[woman]
she teases as she
pleases
me
knows all of my
secret
things
knows exactly
what i need
but doesnt give it
well,
not exactly...
she dangles it out
in front
of me
like a carrot
on a
string
knows full well
i can take it
just as i know
she doesnt fake it
with everything i am
GODDAMN!
i love that woman

X

[blah-se]
calm the mind
with silence
still the heart
with love
feel the body
loosen
& the soul
get lifted up

[totalitarian utilitarianism]
i am the darkness
i am the light
and when i believe this
i am whole inside

[blast]
shadow about the living-room space
dancing to the candle-light; bright-eyed &
wasted...
pass on an off-chance moment in time
in the tough shade of love, i live
totally blind
this starry-gaze of slight hazel hue
from the corner wall-hugging back-drop
view
stir in the silence-rendering night
live with the tough-love,
totally blind

[hmmmpfff]
when i needed something
you were not there
such a minor little thing
i thought only fair
a show of affection,
some sign that you cared
but you couldnt be bothered
to return what ive shared
now im left with a wanting
& you
just not here

[pseudo]
centered in me there lies
the dark chasm, childhood
there are things i cant
change
nor ever escape
from
its surrounded by light
& the brightness, come naturally
but 'ever it waits
there
knawing inside
me
& will remain still
when im gone

[pseudo-religious]
i lost my faith
& it may be
that
THAT
is the hardest thing
to replace

[open post]
what comes next is
anyones guess
the heart
the mind
the soul
the flesh
...needs
ignored for
what we
think
is best...
but natural to our very
existence
not love, nor lust
as we know it
something else
so different
something we must decide
is worth
all of it

[needs]
i am energized,
as i usually am
powered by all my
observations
i want
i think
i need
something...
to feel...?
...something...
real?
is it; am i;
is anything at all
really
real?
im out of passion
out of breath
and feeling
so much closer
to the death
i believe in
and thought i left
so long
ago

[naked]
a moment that i keep close to my heart
a simple thing, really; but
by and large
it does something, deep down inside
of me...
lets me know im still alive;
like a shard of glass buried below my
eye...
the moon-lit glow that holds you
close
paints your skin and inspires prose;
words that seem to just
flow...
stops me dead in my tracks; as i
trace the lines of your bare
back
the shadows the moon-light
casts...
captivating me
with the beauty of your form
art
au natural

[ star bright ]
i look at the stars & see
a million smiles raining down on me
thru the aeons of eternity
to fill me with...
something...














am i running away
or am i running towards
some future i have yet to discover
?

[ellipsis en vogue]
now is the time
sparkling new
the fat
no---
pregnant
possum
creeps thru
my new yard
& the spiders too
are multiplying
prolifically
everywhere i turn
spring is in view
the possum waddles off
to sleep
its early
still
there may be hope
for me

[loved letters]
i want to write a love letter
to her
an attempt to convey all these feelings
i have
for her
nothing grossly tangled in rhymes
or defined rhythms
no overly grandois analogies or
vague ish subtle references to
some thing
some place
some one
she may or may not even friggin
know
no,
i want to write just a pure & honest
love letter
to give
to her
about her
a declaration of my love &
adoration
for her
my respect & total acceptance
of all that makes her
HER
and this over-all & over whelming
fondness
that i feel
for her
one she'll read over 1000 times
and think of every day
each time it will make her
smile
for her
for me(!)
i want to write a love letter
and this time actually give it
to her

[pandoras neglected box]
she piqued for a sec and possiblities abounded and astounded
and left all involved feeling
very well rounded
but the thoughts led to motions that lead only to token
thoughts and expressions
and
vague-ish-type references
when i finally get what it took 8 hours to say
the moment has fled and left only a cold face
towards that which i just finally realized...(i am
pretty slow,
ye know?)
so it goes
so they say
may never know
we allowed obsticles to block our way

[office_space]
if nobody moves
the lights go out
is that true for the world?

[ it ]
unwavering
it
remains
all new
&
all the same
it
floods
&
it
drains
taking all
leaving
everything
still
it
remains
unwavering
despite
&
because
f everything...
it
remains

[ ah yeah ]
...and there she is
my un-nameable
in bright, vivid pixel
pastel hues
a coronary
waiting to happen
a breath of soul
a gods-honest-truth
(if gods can be honestly true)
to fill my empty
cavity
animate my limbs
a reason to create
created
an action
or
re-action
to a simple thing
that means the world
to me
her smile

{ quote of the week }
"all my life my heart has sought
a thing i cannot name"
~anon from "hell's angels" by HST

[thought]
run the gamut
feel the stab
the love i want
the love i have

[imbolic]
been delving deep, of late
inside this head of mine
looking back
to look ahead
these pieces of my past
create me
mold
me
shape me into
the man i am & hope
to be

{ sadness comes in 3's }

Howard Zinn

JD Salinger

????

RIP gentlemen

[memento]
mark my words
with time
it heals
strangers remarks
some subtle look
from mom
everything fades
with time
gotta love
time
the passing days
the moments
praised
shared
in love
these too
will fade
with time
the world turns
so we must keep
moving
or we too
will fade

with time...

[break the monkey]
static base
heartbeat
racing
ricochets(sp?)
off my inner
ear
each second hangs
like a life line/time
waiting
for a kiss
that
tastes
like love

[return]
pretty girls make pretty scars
walkin over my heart
in heels

{this day in history}
on this day in 1835, the US was debt free. there is some argument as to how long
it lasted...varying from 1 day to atleast a year...it is now at over 12 trillion!