[rosey beads]
my pennance is paid
in the love that i live
for it was
against
love
that i once sinned
i confess
& i
repent
each and every day
for my god-awful
sin
i showed such disdain
for the love that she
gave
so freely
& with out thought
i took & i took
i never gave a fuck
she promised
eternity
and i assumed it would be
assumption can fuck with
everything
now i have this debt to repay
for the love i had
but never really gave

...hours later & i
still
get a shiver
so much in my thoughts
no chance
to forget
HER
thru a dream & into
my mind
there she stays
behind my eyes

[love?]
what is most important
in dealings of love?
is it how she makes me
feel,
most of the time
or
the fact that its not
ALL
of the time?
i have been in this place
once or twice before
and
i have made mistakes.
i dont want to make
more
this self-conscience
and self-deprecating
place
i find myself now
reminds me of why
i
found
it so easy to shrug off
all hopes of ever being
in love,
its a fucked up feeling
highest highs
lowest lows
my bi-polar nature only
makes it
more so...
so why did i ever allow this
to happen?
why did i offer up more than
attraction?
yes, i am a hopeless
romantic
and
yes, i may be a fool
but mostly i did it
'cause
she asked me to